Escape in Autumn - By Jamal
A fat man in a stinking wood hauled his bulk onward in something approximating a run. It was his first run in forty years, and given the choice he would rather have been sitting in the sanctuary of his office, chuckling over the latest pitiful requests for clemency that he had bundled up and taken from his desk to his armchaira daily indulgence of his. Today though, following the rebellion, he was being hunted.
In recent months he had given orders to torture and kill sixty inconvenient men and women, and one might have expected his pursuer to be a vengeful relative or a member of the Alliance for Justice. But no, this was obviously an animal. The growling and the snapping of branches indicated a large mammal that was either hungry or enraged by the intrusion.
He tumbled into a clearing and came to rest face-down in slimy leaves. Lifting his head and turning, he saw it: an entelodon, commonly called a hell pig and thought to be long extinct. The man now knew he was about to die, and as horrifying teeth pierced his leg he chuckled between screams, amused at how he had evaded his enemies.
In recent months he had given orders to torture and kill sixty inconvenient men and women, and one might have expected his pursuer to be a vengeful relative or a member of the Alliance for Justice. But no, this was obviously an animal. The growling and the snapping of branches indicated a large mammal that was either hungry or enraged by the intrusion.
He tumbled into a clearing and came to rest face-down in slimy leaves. Lifting his head and turning, he saw it: an entelodon, commonly called a hell pig and thought to be long extinct. The man now knew he was about to die, and as horrifying teeth pierced his leg he chuckled between screams, amused at how he had evaded his enemies.
Comments (22)
Who's escape and from what. Time. Just before the dying age.
Quoting Caldwell
Fat man running. Getting on a bit and unfit, for all kinds of things. Why is the forest stinking?
Horrible person in power, laughing at pleas for mercy that only he can grant. Bastard.
But now, the tables have turned. The rebels have escaped...
Quoting Caldwell
The Alliance for Justice. Google and see. Basically, good guys with inconvenient truths.
Not the only beings that Mr. Fat Guy has angered.
Quoting Caldwell
Now fallen, face down in the fallen leaves of autumn; slimy and stinky.
A surviving entelodon. Escaped from extinction; safe in the forest despite all attempts to poison.
With great set of teeth.
An American symbol of wealth and power; phony white.
All the better to smile and bite.
Revenge on the Man whose beastly time is almost up.
Fat man still chuckling but he has no plea for clemency. Nor would he be granted such, from the rebel.
He dies thinking he has won...
***
Quoting Baden
Same here. I have to google stuff to improve my understanding.[*]
Then I take my seat. Popcorn at the movies.
A compelling but not an in-your-face moral message. Excellent :clap:
[*] But I think I'm in danger of spoiling the story for others.
From now on, I'll keep my comments short. Too much is too much.
"Hell pig" -- no need to look deep into the thesaurus.
Ain't that the truth!
But I still looked up 'entelodon' - for the hell of it :wink:
For that reason, I had a similar response as @Baden because I got lost at the beginning and started skimming to figure out the setting and what was going on and then I re-read it, and then I figured out a fat bastard got eaten by a pig.
Speaking of fat bastards:
He has perhaps gone mad with derision for others. Incontenable elitism.
He'd rather befall the merciless savagery of a rabid beast than his enemies. To chuckle while being attacked shows how strong his conviction is in the face of demise.
Perhaps if he was not so self indulgent as to have become hefty on foot then he may have been sufficiently fit to outrun his aggressor.
That's a display of arrogance -- in this story, I actually liked the anti-hero's defiance till the bitter end. :grin:
Quoting Baden
:groan: I know, I don't know what I was thinking.
Actually I can remember what I was thinking. It was, "och it's fine."
Quoting Hanover
Yeah, I kind of knew I should have removed "stinking", but "a fat man in a stinking wood" is the phrase that had popped into my head in the beginning, so I stuck with it (loyalty to the muse, if you like). The right alternative would be "A fat man in a wood". A wood is a small forest, at least in British English.
I also wanted the setting to be autumn, when the woods have that rich earthy smell. To use "stinking" is unusual, even perverse, because it's usually described as, e.g., a rich earthy smell. I was going for a different perspective, thinking along the lines of decay, decomposition, slime moulds, and all that.
Quoting Hanover
In fact, hell pigs were more closely related to hippos than to pigs.
Quoting Benkei
Pretty much.
Quoting god must be atheist
Indeed.
Quoting Vera Mont
Thank you!
Fascinating feedback as always, thank you.
Quoting Amity
I didn't know about the real organization, so nothing to do with that. It was just a generic name I came up with, meant to make the reader think of a revolutionary group, democratic movement, or a concerted campaign for justice by relatives--or some combination thereof.
Quoting Amity
That's it :up:
Quoting Amity
A bit of a stretch even for you :wink:
Quoting Amity
Yes, and in a way he has.
I was thinking about how evil cannot ever really be redressed, justice never really done. I was thinking too about Terry Eagleton's definition of evil--basically, doing really bad stuff for no reason at all, just for the hell of it--and how the man's random, senseless death reflects his evil life in that way, as if evil is just reclaiming its own, and justice and good are entirely excluded. Maybe it's like this: not only did he go to hell, but he'd come from hell, and was just returning home.
To refer to atrocities in a world in which such crimes against humanity still take place or can be remembered, and then to wrap up the story with good randomly triumphing over evil, would be morally defective, to put it mildly. This is why I don't want the ending to be seen as a happy one, even though we might be happy to see the man get what's coming to him.
Quoting Benj96
I wonder how much I was making use of the notion of obesity as a moral failing or as a sign of corruption. Does the story body shame the fat folk? Come to think of it, I'm currently losing weight after having been overweight myself, so it's been on my mind. I'm sure that played a role somehow.
Quoting Caldwell
Thank you, I'm glad you thought so. I struggled with the ending most of all, and I'm still not sure about it. Certainly, it needs to be rewritten to get rid of the clunky bits.
Quoting Jamal
That was clever. The look and smell of wet autumn leaves rotting. Well, it leaves me a little sad, after the joyful kicking of the bright, colourful crisps under a blue sky...
Quoting Jamal
Your thoughts about evil and justice not being served ring so true. Unfortunately.
It sometimes takes courage to point that out. Especially in a fictional setting like this.
A careful study of our rotten landscape. Stinking, indeed.
Again, your explanations and feedback are exceptional and very welcome :clap:
I know, this story is so damn bleak. I guess Ive been in a dark and pessimistic frame of mind.
I can't imagine why :chin:
Some day, you might want to write that story. A different and personal perspective on the 'Ukraine Crisis'.
You know, I've been wondering about the impact all of this must have had on you and your wife.
Total upheaval and uncertainty. But I thought it best not to indulge in my usual curiosity.
There's a time and a place.
I wish you and yours well :pray:
Glad you're both well. Horrible things can turn out for the better, after all. Sometimes.
It gives me hope :sparkle:
The notion of obesity and moral failing is a very common one. Almost archetypal in literature. Animal farm for example - which associated corruption and greed with the pigs. However that doesn't reflect the actual reality of things. As we know obesity stems from a lot more than just greed or indulgence.
However, this story also referenced corruption and a pig, my mind immediately jumped to recall the associations I had read/interpreted in animal farm.
As someone who works with obese people quite often I don't have any person disdain or negativity towards them. My comment was within the context of the story nothing more.
I determined it as a very good Irony. He wasnt athletic and thus slow to outrun a predator. The predator for the exact same reason felt he was easy prey.
And that for me was an allegory for the dynamic between corruption and greed (bad politicians/fascism etc) and the predator (the uncorrupt - the fitness of the public/democracy and measured journalism).
A very good story really. Well done
Yes, any prejudice was in the story, not in your comment.
Quoting Benj96
Thank you :smile:
:worry:
Quoting Noble Dust
:meh:
Quoting Noble Dust
:smile:
Thats a great way to see it actually, and a very charitable reading too. Thanks.