Three Shittyass Ghosts - By hypericin

A very good story in very bad words. I was repelled throughout, but the center holds; the plot works; the thing is consistent.

Quoting Caldwell

"Huh. Not enough words?"

Enough because I didn't expect explicit words in a short story! I respect the bravery of the author indeed.
Reading the story more deeply, I think it is connected with the praxis of speaking with ourselves. It is a good story of a soliloquy.

At first glance I wanted to dislike this, but it's very well-written and constructed. I have an idea who wrote it.

Three Shittyass Ghosts

I misread Ghosts as Goats and then wondered why Ghosts would be shittyassed. The number 3 always seems to have some divine significance. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Quoting Caldwell

Christmas Eve: Ebon "Wheezer" Splooge slams the door of his shithole, pops a tab of acid swiped from some college punk, collapses on his stained couch.

Ah, lovely biscuits. A modern take on Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Brilliant change of name 'Ebon' suggests darkness. "Wheezer" - a nickname - conjures up an old, hunched-up geezer with rasping breath. He suffers from poor health and wears heavy scarves to save money on heating. 'Splooge' also might come with heavy breathing. A filthy thief. All in all someone to be scorned or pitied.

Quoting Caldwell

Pops' face on the ceiling: "Hey, Fuckface, check this shit out!"

Ohmyfuckinggod.

A short film, in CeilingVision(tm):

OMG. This is SO funny. Apt too for micro-fiction. A quick flashback of a condensed life.

Quoting Caldwell

Sonofabitch pops, stumbling home drunk. Whisky breath, hairy fists, mom beat to shit. School: fights, dropout, failure. Shit jobs, endless. Jane, his salvation: freckled, tired, vulnerable, beautiful. Broken orbital, accusatory face burning him deep, forever. Prison. Here.

Spirit of Christmas Past. Repeated patterns of abuse to boy and man. His lashing out at his love, smashing her eye socket. Why? Because she broke off the engagement - he loved money more than her.
Spell in prison but he survived.

Quoting Caldwell

Fuggoff!"
Splooge downs a shoulder of whisky and a swig of isopropyl ("for kick").

Alcohol addiction. Pop's gift to son. And then some. A heavy, stale fugginess of speech and atmosphere.

Quoting Caldwell

"Silent night", from outside. Through the grimy window, carolers: old, young, motley, but together. Warmth, kindness. The leader locks flaming eyes with Splooge's: "You could have joined us, Ebon!"

Ugly puss thrust outside: "Fuggoff! I'll beat the shit outta all you faggots!"

Christmas Present. Ebon had cut himself off from any potential joy or peace with others. No religion.
The leader is angry with him for his lack of generosity. No giving. So, no forgiving. How Christian.
Ebon shows his screwed-up face, responding in character; nasty piece of work.
We can imagine a finger gesture. Angry body language.

Quoting Caldwell

In the bathroom mirror, through cracks and stains, Splooge sees Death. His face drooping like a candle. Uglier, greyer. Sadder, lonelier, stupider. More sadness, and more besides. An unmourned end.

"Fuggoff! Fugggoff! Fuggoff!" Eyes wide, gun to head. Cataclysm! Christmas miracle at last: Splooge's hovel bedecked in red and white.

Christmas Future The spectre of Death. Ebon becomes 'sadder, lonelier, stupider' whose death nobody will mourn.

'Face drooping like a candle' - we can see the dripping, collapsing waves of wax. The snuffing out.
Excellent description.
Not a red, scented, special Christmas candle but a dirty white, cheap one. Spluttering.
No lights in this house. Darkness prevails. In body, mind and spirit.

Three big "Fuggoffs!": one for each shittyass ghost.
Ebon is alone, fearful and suicidal. They made him so. The Christmas miracle of Ebon spreading the colours of festive spirit with this blood and gore. Splashing out, at last.

Quoting Caldwell

Pops shakes his head. "Huh. Not enough words?"

I love this. The end of the story with a word limit. The end of a life. Why?
Because he had no one to speak to...or who would listen to him. No words could explain...

***

Excellent :clap:

Jazzy, quirky, ironic, self-referential, bobs along on its own sleigh not giving a fuck. No cliches allowed because who needs them when you've got words that lick each other like lovesick puppies and polyrhythmic drum syllables banging out a beautifully perverted Christmas trope like the Dickens. *Tips hat* *Replaces it* *Tips it again*.

Quoting Baden

Jazzy, quirky, ironic, self-referential, bobs along on its own sleigh not giving a fuck. No cliches allowed because who needs them when you've got words that lick each other like lovesick puppies and polyrhythmic drum syllables banging out a beautifully perverted Christmas trope like the Dickens. *Tips hat* *Replaces it* *Tips it again*

Tips hat, right back at ya' :clap:
'...polyrhythmic drum syllables banging out a beautifully perverted Christmas trope'.
Wow, like Wow. :fire:

The style was superb in its non-conformist word choice and individualistic grammar.

I got lost who shouts "Ugly puss thrust outside: "Fuggoff! I'll beat the shit outta all you faggots!"" Whoshout? Inside are shitassed family--outside are carolers. Carolers don't shit-language, and insiders are not outside. This line could have been avoided altogether, it served no purpose anyway.

The story was otherwise purposeful. It had a clear message: shit breeds shit. It put its message through very nicely.

I did not like the end, oh, I did not like it. Characters don't write their own book. Characters in third person or talked about don't converse with the reader. They especially don't mention technical details relating to font size, layout, word count. I expect a lot of readers are taken by the originality of the character speaking to the editor, but it's not originality, it is just avoided by writers like the plague.

Quoting god must be atheist

I got lost who shouts "Ugly puss thrust outside: "Fuggoff! I'll beat the shit outta all you faggots!"" Whoshout? Inside are shitassed family--outside are carolers. Carolers don't shit-language, and insiders are not outside. This line could have been avoided altogether, it served no purpose anyway.

Ebon who has an ugly puss (face) and lives alone shouts out to the singers.

Quoting god must be atheist

Characters in third person or talked about don't converse with the reader.

Pop ( the fatherly spirit) is talking to and shaking his head scornfully at Ebon not the reader.
From the reader's perspective, I enjoyed the nod and wink at the imposed word limit the author had to work with.

Quoting Caldwell

Pops shakes his head. "Huh. Not enough words?"

Quoting Amity

Pop ( the fatherly spirit) is talking to and shaking his head scornfully at Ebon not the reader.

Honestly, I thought Pop was talking about word count for the story.

I read it through, and I can't seem to find a logical connection between "not enough words" and the previous scene, the suicide. Okay, he says "fuggit", three times at that, but I am not sure if that is a sub-minimal number of words.

An argument can't be made, neither side, because it will be like "what's the largest number humanity will ever need" or the smallest number, etc.

I'll pretend I'm sitting next to Ebon on the couch, self drugging to smother feeling, while trying to be interested as if a review could get me free beer.

It's too short but that was out of the author's control, because they/them have no free will. It's the fuggin new micro-fiction law that constrained the story's lack of potentiality along with either too much or not enough drugs. The story catches me like the sharp angle of the coffee table on my knee because my dog is about to shit on the carpet. The subject matter is painful and makes a mockery of the reality of such things, though fast paced irreverence makes for a minimum of funny. Doesn't feel like the author is interested much, like a school boy who writes a story out of spite because it's his homework to do so. Perhaps these ghosts live in a council house of the author's soul and speak of the infinite wonders of God's work, like anything might.

Reminds me of the popular internet saying: Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough. You can get off on any story if it takes hold and metastasizes/transmogrifies in your mind, like meditating on a grain of sand or a pair of breasts. I'm gonna try to make an image of Ebon on the couch through an AI generator. I feel for Ebon. Poor guy.

Quoting god must be atheist

I read it through, and I can't seem to find a logical connection between "not enough words" and the previous scene, the suicide. Okay, he says "fuggit", three times at that, but I am not sure if that is a sub-minimal number of words.

Twas only my interpretation of Pops looking down from the ceiling at the final scene.
Perhaps he is also bemoaning Ebon's limited vocabulary... *shrugs*
Qui sait? and who really gives a fugg? :kiss:

Reply to Nils Loc :lol: and cheers :party:

Reply to Amity Could be. I don't know.

Quoting Caldwell

"Hey, Fuckface, check this shit out!"

This has the same type of disrespectful addressal used in "Sundae, Bloody sundae."
However it has a more similar theme to "Rage."

Quoting Caldwell

isopropyl

However this is a chemsex drug which leads me to connect to "The porn shop".

I do wonder if the author of this has also authored any of those three other stories.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Quoting Nils Loc

You can get off on any story if it takes hold and metastasizes/transmogrifies in your mind, like meditating on a grain of sand or a pair of breasts. I'm gonna try to make an image of Ebon on the couch through an AI generator. I feel for Ebon. Poor guy.

I missed those images. How on earth did you manage them? Superb :fire:
Glad to see this story pop-up again. Thanks to @Benj96.
They are all fantastic but there's something about the first one.
I think the author is @Hanover :chin:

Reply to Amity Just doing the rounds.

Although I have my favourites in trying to do due diligence with all the ones I hadn't yet had time to read. Starting from the bottom up. It's hard work but I want to give some acknowledgement to each author.

Quoting Benj96

isopropyl
— Caldwell

However this is a chemsex drug which leads me to connect to "The porn shop".

Well, yeah. His name is 'Splooge'.
Quoting Amity

. 'Splooge' also might come with heavy breathing

Quoting Benj96

It's hard work but I want to give some acknowledgement to each author.

I know. I feel the same. Especially to those who have been kinda left behind. The attention is now being turned to guessing the author, again. The midway break is tomorrow.
Each entry is of value. I haven't given the same attention to each one.
The other day I was extremely tired. In fact, I think I only left a one-word response. And not much more to some others. Nevertheless, I did the best I could. That single word was heartfelt and true.

The authors appreciate the feedback. Not all are 'attention-seeking' needing their egos to be fed.
No matter what some might ('jokingly') say.
But still, the self and esteem are very much in play, despite it not being a 'contest'.

Well done to all! :sparkle:

Quoting Benj96

It's hard work but I want to give some acknowledgement to each author.

I'm sure it's appreciated. It's great to see Amity get some critical competition. :up:

Reply to Jamal
It's great to see someone else try to pay attention to each entry, not just to the favoured few :up:

Reply to Nils Loc What AI generator manages that?

Quoting Amity

I think the author is Hanover :chin:

Nope.

Reply to Hanover

Damn. I didn't think so. You're not English or anglophile enough. Never mind...

Reply to Jamal :rofl:
Who needs a short story? A picture tells...

Quoting Amity

You're not English or anglophile enough. Never mind...

Um, are you not recalling how I made homemade scones? Sounds pretty anglophile to me.

Reply to Hanover
As if I could forget! They looked yummy and I wanted a bite so badly...
But your scones were not English scones!
According to Sally:

Depending where you live, the term “scone” differs. English scones are more similar to American biscuits and they’re often topped with butter, jam, or clotted cream. American scones are different, but different isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

Quoting Amity

I missed those images. How on earth did you manage them? Superb

Quoting Benkei

?Nils Loc
What AI generator manages that?

Images were generated from Wonder.

Quoting Vera Mont

A very good story in very bad words. I was repelled throughout, but the center holds; the plot works; the thing is consistent.

It sets a psychological atmosphere in which a greater analysis of the themes present can be explored. Granted, no one likes s**t but as you know, such is life sometimes. Reluctance to discuss that which we fear or detest gives it power where it would otherwise wouldn't.

Quoting Outlander

It sets a psychological atmosphere in which a greater analysis of the themes present can be explored.

I know! My use of 'very bad words' was in the sense that we were told in childhood. Mo-o-om! Derrick used a ba-a-d word! An I don't think we're supposed to be attracted to sordid, sad, mean, hopeless situations: repulsion seemed perfectly appropriate. The story has much content and great integrity.

Reply to Nils Loc Thanks. But I can't connect and don't know it's done. I think that even if I could access, my pics would be very poor in comparison. I am no artistic genius. You are :fire:

This is indeed a good story, though the language and style put me off at first. The plot and speed are very strong.

Briiliant!

So Sorry for the late responses!

Quoting Amity

"Wheezer" - a nickname - conjures up an old, hunched-up geezer with rasping breath. He suffers from poor health and wears heavy scarves to save money on heating.

My image was of a burnt out old punk, with a bad ciggy habit.

It's always interesting to see how people interpret, as I write I kind of assume people will naturally fill in the gaps and reconstruct what was in my head. Not true at all! Unless, and even if, you spell it out, people will come up with something completely different. Reading is truly a creative activity, it's not just the writing.

Really, it is better to just treat the work as an object among others, and like anything else, it is subject to endless interpretations. I just happened to create it.

Quoting Amity

'Splooge' also might come with heavy breathing.

Also means cum... Splooge is a cum stain kind of guy.

Quoting Amity

Pop's gift to son. And then some.

Yup...

Quoting Amity

Because she broke off the engagement - he loved money more than her.

I didn't bother to even think of a reason, let alone write it. It's the kind of thing that is bound to happen eventually with a person like this.

Quoting Amity

The leader is angry with him for his lack of generosity. No giving. So, no forgiving. How Christian.

This was not a commentary on religion, the leader's "flaming" eyes were supposed to indicate that this was in fact the ghost of christmas present, chastising Splooge for sequestering himself in such an unwholesome way.

Quoting Amity

Not a red, scented, special Christmas candle but a dirty white, cheap one. Spluttering.

Yes!

Quoting Amity

Because he had no one to speak to...or who would listen to him. No words could explain...

The idea was, the Dickensonian intervention failed. Why? Pops somehow ascertains, because I didn't have words enough left for redemption!


Thank you for spending so much time with my humble little story!

Quoting Baden

Jazzy, quirky, ironic, self-referential, bobs along on its own sleigh not giving a fuck. No cliches allowed because who needs them when you've got words that lick each other like lovesick puppies and polyrhythmic drum syllables banging out a beautifully perverted Christmas trope like the Dickens. *Tips hat* *Replaces it* *Tips it again*.

Awesome review, I'm flattered, thanks!!

Quoting god must be atheist

I expect a lot of readers are taken by the originality of the character speaking to the editor, but it's not originality, it is just avoided by writers like the plague.

Yah, not even that original.

Quoting god must be atheist

I read it through, and I can't seem to find a logical connection between "not enough words" and the previous scene, the suicide.

The idea was that the word limit actually (drastically) affected the traditional Christmas Carol redemption, as there just weren't enough words to write that part. Suicide is more verbally efficient. Pops, shitbag that he is, still possesses the preternatural insight shared by spiritual beings, and somehow is aware of this. Or something...



Quoting Nils Loc

while trying to be interested as if a review could get me free beer.

Wish I could have helped you buddy!

Quoting Nils Loc

along with either too much or not enough drugs.

Very much the latter

Quoting Nils Loc

. The story catches me like the sharp angle of the coffee table on my knee because my dog is about to shit on the carpet.

Glad to have such an impact!

Quoting Nils Loc

. Doesn't feel like the author is interested much, like a school boy who writes a story out of spite because it's his homework to do so.

I twied, honest!

Quoting Nils Loc

I'm gonna try to make an image of Ebon on the couch through an AI generator.

Those images are AWESOME! What's striking is not just the quality but the artistry, quite unlike their verbal counterparts. If I were an artist I would be nervous as hell right now.

Quoting Benj96

This has the same type of disrespectful addressal used in "Sundae, Bloody sundae."
However it has a more similar theme to "Rage."
However this is a chemsex drug which leads me to connect to "The porn shop".

Nope, but we are all cribbing off each other, so...

Reply to Jamal

Haha, even more concise. Although 3000 is way over the 200 limit :P

Quoting Vera Mont

The story has much content and great integrity.

Thanks, I really appreciate it, though this sentence made me imagine a doge saying it.

Reply to Caldwell
It seems like it's part of the cult fiction genre, possibly influenced by Irvine Welsh. I don't think that I saw it when I was reading the first set of entries, so I am voting for it now.

Quoting hypericin

Thank you for spending so much time with my humble little story!

Bah, Humble Bumble!! :smile:
Thanks for the detailed feedback; much appreciated.

Quoting hypericin

My image was of a burnt out old punk, with a bad ciggy habit.

@Nils Loc captured the sense well!

Quoting hypericin

It's always interesting to see how people interpret, as I write I kind of assume people will naturally fill in the gaps and reconstruct what was in my head. Not true at all! Unless, and even if, you spell it out, people will come up with something completely different. Reading is truly a creative activity, it's not just the writing.

Exactly. That's why I enjoy the spark-offs. You never know where they will lead...

Quoting hypericin

Really, it is better to just treat the work as an object among others, and like anything else, it is subject to endless interpretations. I just happened to create it.

Well, yes and no. Not just an object. It has life. You in your God-like status created it.
And yes, to the different interpretations. No absolute rightness, even if the author has something specific in mind. It's part of our ongoing conversation about life, love, the universe and Splooge :cool:

A stand-out :clap:

Quoting Amity

It has life. You in your God-like status created it.
And yes, to the different interpretations. No absolute rightness, even if the author has something specific in mind. It's part of our ongoing conversation about life, love, the universe and Splooge

Right, I lose my godhood once I finish the creation, and become just another mortal bum. Sure I might have an honorary status as the creator, but ultimately I have no control over how people interpret, it's up to the reader whether or not they ascribe any particular significance to the creator's opinions.

My perspective has really changed on this. In school I was often very annoyed when I felt the teacher would read into fiction things that "weren't there", that is that the author didn't intend. But when I put on my authors cap, you for instance read things into my stories that "aren't there" (I wrote two others, any guess which ones?), and I find that both pleasing in itself, flattering, and a relief (as in, whew, glad she filled in that gap!). Though to be fair other times (not you specifically) misinterpretations feel like a failure on my part.

Reply to hypericin Reply to Amity I find with my own stories that I later interpret them as just another reader, and find things I hadn’t intended. This is more evidence for the idea that the author is something like a temporary conduit.