The Inseparable - By Janus
I encountered them yesterday in the cafe. Sitting close together as always. I expected to hear his usual repertoire of stories, and I wasnt disappointed. As usual she said little, just nodding almost imperceptibly as if to confirm the veracity and import of his recountings.
The stories were the usual kind of mix; some I had heard before, a few many times and some recent ones describing events since I had last seen them. The older stories, which I had already heard, some repeatedly, were about his escapades over thirty years ago. Classic unjustly treated, heroic hippie underdog stuff, beating the villains getting beaten up, but breaking a nose and blackening an eye or two in the process; highlighting his physical toughness!
Stories about recent events concerned things such as dealing with builders, purchasing building materials, the skilled work he was going to do himself, his long ultimately successful battle with illness using an alternative therapy, his overwhelming tiredness lately preventing him from making much progress with the work.
Sadly I thought, perhaps his cancer is returning, or had never been cured as he claimed. I wonder what love, compassion, suffering, denial or indifference lies beneath her calm. trance-like exterior.
The stories were the usual kind of mix; some I had heard before, a few many times and some recent ones describing events since I had last seen them. The older stories, which I had already heard, some repeatedly, were about his escapades over thirty years ago. Classic unjustly treated, heroic hippie underdog stuff, beating the villains getting beaten up, but breaking a nose and blackening an eye or two in the process; highlighting his physical toughness!
Stories about recent events concerned things such as dealing with builders, purchasing building materials, the skilled work he was going to do himself, his long ultimately successful battle with illness using an alternative therapy, his overwhelming tiredness lately preventing him from making much progress with the work.
Sadly I thought, perhaps his cancer is returning, or had never been cured as he claimed. I wonder what love, compassion, suffering, denial or indifference lies beneath her calm. trance-like exterior.
Comments (38)
My only problem is with the structure and pacing of the story.
Very frustrated with the voting system. There should be an "I like it, but with some reservations" option. This is one of several stories that have great potential and just need a little polishing.
Unable or unwilling to be separated. The phrase that comes to mind, after a first reading:
'Until Death Do Us Part'. A wedding vow.
Straight away hooked by the 'I'. From whose perspective is the close couple being observed?
Let's assume they are husband and wife.
This being has been around for a while and knows them well.
The husband a raconteur of sorts; his wife almost not there but important to the man as a loving listener.
The cafe is a favourite place. Coffee and cookies. Comfort and consolation.
Life stories; nothing out of ordinary for the being ( 'he' for convenience) has heard them all before. How?
Is he a hidden stalker? What kind and what are his intentions?
The husband must be getting on a bit. As a young man, politically idealistic and motivated to act to make the world a better place. Tough, angry and violent. A defender and attacker. A fighter against the odds.
Where and how is the husband now?
Battling to overcome exhaustion. Stressful but potentially necessary building work interrupted. Unable to do the skilled work, he has to organise other professionals to help. For this man, a terrible humbling and tumbling from a different kind of attack. Fighting his own body. Turning to alternatives rather than conventional medicine. A rebel still. Seems to have worked. He's still in the race but there is a loss of face and strength. He needs building up, maintenance and support.
We hear nothing about his wife. Where and how they met. Their inseparable life.
We are left to our imagination.
The observer considers the husband's frail state. The end of the line, and his stories?
Had he been lying to himself about the efficacy of treatment? Not accepting that his theory and decision had been wrong. Stubborn in his certainty.
The observer is apparently sad. What is his reason for being there?
Turning his attention to the still calmness of the wife, he wonders what underlies the exterior.
The inner feelings inseparable. The degrees of life. The usual.
Perhaps not so 'usual'.
This story is intriguing.
My take:
The observer is Death. Think Brad Pitt in 'Joe Black'. Eternal work. A personified force.
The husband is on the cusp of leaving this life.
The wife he talks to in the cafe. Is she really there?
Is it an internal conversation/monologue with her soul/spirit? The body long gone.
Still inseparable, even after death.
Death has been close to them. Inseparable.
Death will guide the man to the afterlife.
Where he will meet his wife. Inseparable.
***
A most imaginative and carefully written story. It triggers questions, curiosity and imagination.
There's a bitter-sweetness.
Life and Death. Inseparable. :death: :flower:
I love it. Amor fati :hearts:
There should be 3 categories. Top one: I love it.
The story has a singular shine. Black matt to white gloss. No need for more polish, in my opinion.
How would you change it?
You are easily distracted :wink:
Why would an author 'usually' repeat a word, in this case 'usual'?
Why, given the word limit and need to use every word carefully?
I suggest that it is to emphasise; to draw attention to the eternal ordinariness of life and death.
The 'usual' in this story is turned on its head. To the unusual.
I think it most original.
Then again, maybe the author just got tired and rushed the editing? :chin:
'apparently dull'. The hovering spirit of Death might have that effect :death:
It might, but I usually manage to make it till dinner time before I begin to contemplate my mortality, so Ill skip this difficult topic for now.
Good to know that Death is not hovering over your shoulder.
Perhaps you have a guardian angel :halo:
Take care :sparkle:
Edit: To clarify, I meant the presence of Death in the story, not on you.
Of the top of my head, here's some synonyms: expected, regular, customary, normal, conventional, everyday.
Knowing the English language there's probably 20 more I don't recall but that's what we have a thesaurus for.
Noticing is fine. That's the idea.
They are intentional; designed to attract attention not to annoyingly distract.
It's not about ignorance of synonyms.
The reader might not recognise the intention and become irritated with boring clutter. Fair enough.
At the risk of repeating myself:
Quoting Definitions and Examples of Repetition in Writing- ThoughtCo.
Monologophobia. New to me. I know that doesn't apply to you as underlined above.
You are fearless, brave and strong :strong:
Elsewhere: an aversion to using the same word twice.
The things you learn...
I'm giving the author the benefit of the doubt.
The first paragraph: 'as always', 'usual repertoire', 'as usual'.
The second:
Quoting Caldwell
It induces a sense of deadly boredom. About the repetition of life, patterns and events.
It's deliberate. Nothing surprises Death. The main character.
Quoting Caldwell
He does know about the cancer, past.
But he is speculating about the future.
Quoting Caldwell
He is keeping an eye on events as they unfold.
Prepared to be there...as and when...
Well, that's my take on it. Only the author knows.
The story is about death in all its forms.
What in life we lose and grieve for.
Loss of loved ones, a job, independence, mental and physical capacity, certainty...
Small deaths. Part of life.
***
The Inseparable
The pain now is part of the joy then ~ C.S. Lewis
Death wouldn't speculate though. He knows when he's going to die. I think this is just a rude customer listening in on someone else's private conversation.
You know more about Death than I or me. It seems.
So for me, creepy guy eavesdropping is the narrator.
The knowledge of our own and others' eventual death exerts an influence on our lives.
Whether we like it or not. Recognise or Deny. We cope by keeping a direct focus on daily living.
Or by preparing for it. Death reflection.
Palliative care patients wonder if it's something they can fight. To keep going on.
I think any major illness, including covid, can make us value our lives more.
Or the opposite. To hell with it. Take back control. Decide when, where and how to die.
Some think that life is pre-ordained; even look forward to Death guiding them to heaven, if they're lucky.
"It must have been meant". If that helps people then that's fine. Deo volente.
As you say, different cultures and context make a difference.
How would your life change if you knew the exact date and means of your death?
Limited time can motivate you to use it wisely.
Likewise micro-fiction and words.
Perhaps, the author did use too many and will appreciate helpful feedback.
I'm sure any constructive criticism is valued.
Looking forward to when we get to hear from y'all.
Kind of an ordinary realism, thus explaining the emphasis on what is usual. It's a painting of a street scene.
I didn't fully buy into his actually having had cancer and beating it with some special bullshit treatment based upon his other claims of bravado.
So, how did you vote?
I forgot to ask @Benkei and @Vera Mont.
No need to answer, of course...
I liked it.
I wouldn't say I'd encounter friends unless as a surprise somewhere unexpected. And this doesn't seem unexpected so I would expect "meeting" friends then.
I wanna shout "You da man!" but how acceptable would that be? :chin:
It's top-heavy.
The burden of this paragraph
Quoting Caldwell
could be incorporated into the first with few extra words.
Then this paragraph
Quoting Caldwell
contains an obvious spoiler.
I would have put this
in the first paragraph, then gone on to the current project, concluding with a complaint of tiredness. Let the penny drop more gradually.
The format is too constrained for so much information. Like stuffing a body in a steamer trunk: you have to chop and fit all the pieces into a tight space.
I am sure the author will appreciate this detailed feedback.
Love the analogy.
Is that why some stories seem to rely on divisions or parts? Not for aesthetics alone but to create a balanced package. That makes sense.
Are you a body disposal expert?
For troublesome pouters, perhaps...
But that was long ago and in another country, and besides... um..
Oh my God. You've done it again. You kill me. Please never leave TPF, I beg you :pray:
How could I, when you laugh at my jokes?
However, the only let down here are those few lines that reiterated themselves, not really furthering the story, below:
Quoting Caldwell
Quoting Caldwell
With such a limited word count I can't help but feel such repetitions can amount to lost potential.
The Inseparable?
Quoting Benj96
You repeated your message.
And others before you have made pretty much the same point.
Repetition rules.
Why focus on the negative? That doesn't sound like you.
Previous feedback has been well balanced.
No interpretation?
Oh the irony :P
Quoting Amity
You're right, it doesn't sound like me.
I guess I'm trying an new approach - to apply even and levelled critiques.
In general I do like to take the optimistic approach. I think there is positive value in every story.
But I sometimes wonder if that is always helpful, to only focus on the merits.
In essence I think a well balanced review must point out both the pros and cons. Of course only if they are evenly matched. Some stories are just bad, others are plain and simple brilliant both in inception and execution. And of course there is everything in-between.
All of that is subjective however. What I may think is poor another may think is wonderful.
So in summary, I shall stay open minded and listen to what other have to say. I don't mind contradicting myself when enlightened to novel takes.
Eloquent, flowing, articulate
Vs.
A bit repetitive, some lost potential.
I think I outlined both good and poor aspects, no? I would consider that "even Stephens."
Of course you are allowed to fully disagree. I welcome controversy. It allows for developments.
However, your personal investment in a wholly positive review of this story stirs ideas that perhaps I'm speaking with the author?
Maybe not. Perhaps a friend of the author at least? But I suppose that will be clarified in due course.
Winky face :P
No attempt at interpretation.
Repetitive repeating of what others have said.
This is not the only story in which I have invested time and energy in a positive manner.
You are not the only one who has thought it must be because I am the author.
To clarify, I am not participating as a writer.
I don't know who the author is. I have an idea.
That might affect how I interpret the story. But my thoughts are my own.
The fact that no interpretation has been offered from you is most noticeable.
Your choice, of course.