A fat cat captures a mouse - By Benkei

Caldwell December 22, 2022 at 02:15 850 views 14 comments
"Ha! I've caught you, little mouse!"

"Please, don't do this! I beg of you, spare my life. I promise I won't bother you again."

"Oh, but wherrre's the fun in that? You'rrre a tiny mouse, and I'm a mighty hunterrr. It's the naturrral order of things. Let me show you my trrrophies.”

The mouse shudders at the five little heads in a row. He wants to run and hide but instead he bravely steels himself. "Think about it, Mr. Cat. If you spare me, I can gather other mice for you. I'll even sing you a song, if that's what it takes."

"Well, I do love a good tune. Alrrright, little mouse: sing. And you'd betterrr keep yourrr end of the barrrgain, orrr else..."

The next day the mouse brings a friend. As the cat appears, his friend cowers in fear. "Mr. Cat, I've brought you a mouse."

Turning to the new arrival: "And what's yourrr name, little one?"

"C-c-c-carl, sir."

"Who has more frrrriends, Carrrl? You or yourrr frrriend here?"

"That would be me, sir": squeaked Carl.

"How interrresting... You’rrre hirrred."

With that, the cat devours the first mouse - adding its head under the bench on the porch.

Comments (14)

Jamal December 22, 2022 at 14:56 #765802
I like it. It's well-written and fleet, and everything that happens is clear (no confusing bits). A simple, well-told story that refers back to a story from the first round. Reads like a fairy tale.
Vera Mont December 22, 2022 at 15:33 #765809
Cruel and ever so slightly derivative, but it's a good story. (The fat cat doesn't hunt; he occupies the most comfortable available chair and keeps his white mitts pristine.)
Caldwell December 23, 2022 at 02:25 #765949
I like how the cat dialogue has purrrr in it. I'm reading it and I'm purring myself. lol.
praxis December 23, 2022 at 14:39 #766059
For the first little mouse the end was a cat-astrophe.
0 thru 9 December 23, 2022 at 16:17 #766074
Haha! Good stuff. Like an Aesop’s fable. Moral(?): be wary of collaborating with killers, even to save your skin... ??? (Or always carry your cat-hunting rifle? :lol: )
Benkei December 24, 2022 at 11:13 #766261
Reply to praxis That's paw-ful.
Hanover December 24, 2022 at 18:52 #766309
It reminded me of the snake story where the snake convinces a little girl to care for it only to bite and kill the girl once saved. When asked why he did that, he says "because I'm a snake."

Had I'd have been mouse #1, I wouldn't have returned with a new mouse, but I'd have hidden from the cat once I was free. Mouse #1: was dumb as shit. Maybe mouse #2 will be smarter, but maybe mice are really dumb because the cat killed mouse #1 when mouse #2 could see it, and the cat wasn't worried about sharing that murder with mouse #2. Since I know cats are smart, he must've known it wouldn't matter in mouse #2 seeing it.

The final Darwinian result will be that the most popular mouse will live the longest. So if you're a mouse stuck in this storybook, you best make the most mouse friends you can.


Benkei December 25, 2022 at 22:15 #766498
Quoting Hanover
It reminded me of the snake story where the snake convinces a little girl to care for it only to bite and kill the girl once saved. When asked why he did that, he says "because I'm a snake."


The turtle and the scorpion is the original Aesop fable actually. I borrowed from that in my AI story in the pervious contest where Hep Hastings has a similar stand off with the AI.
Amity December 28, 2022 at 21:35 #767217
Quoting Jamal
I like it. It's well-written and fleet, and everything that happens is clear (no confusing bits). A simple, well-told story that refers back to a story from the first round. Reads like a fairy tale.


Copy that :up:
Benkei December 30, 2022 at 16:24 #767733
Hmmm... I think I missed something first time reading this.

User image

What do you think?
Benkei December 31, 2022 at 22:54 #768092
Reply to Caldwell Reply to Vera Mont Reply to 0 thru 9 Reply to Amity Reply to Jamal

Thanks for the kind words. It was inspired by Vera's story and Aesop fables. The moral is, capitalism sucks and its the lack of solidarity among mice that gets them killed.

Maybe Carl should've been Karl for it to be clearer.
Jamal December 31, 2022 at 23:20 #768103
Reply to Benkei I’m glad that the moral was not obvious; the story could be enjoyed as a very good story, rather than read as a delivery mechanism for an opinion.
Benkei January 01, 2023 at 09:39 #768212
Reply to Jamal That mechanism is kind of the point for an Aesop fable so I partly failed in what I was going for. Funnily enough, the two stories I spent less than 30 minutes on were the most enjoyable to the readers. I really need to stop overthinking shit.
Jamal January 01, 2023 at 09:43 #768213
Reply to Benkei I think what’s cool about it is that it does have the flavour of one of those fables, even without the moral being obvious. As you may know, I’m personally not interested in a story’s moral, but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it for the storytelling and aesthetic beauty.