The Last Breakfast - By 0 thru 9

My thought was how the gundude was able to speak after getting shot by a 50 caliber round.

Just to give some insight into this cannon of a pistol.

Not merely speak, but be flippant!
But if you reduced the firepower a bit for credibility, it's a good story.

Reply to Hanover As long as they're not hollow points, doesn't it really depend where you're shot?

Quoting Caldwell

tires squealing like orgasmic pigs.

This immediately raised so many questions for me...

Quoting Tobias

This immediately raised so many questions for me

Me too :grin:

This story is very much not to my taste, but I think you can separate the subjective and objective in what I’m going to say here…

I’m alienated by these stereotypically American stories involving guns, hold-ups, home invasions, and so on. I find them boring. Guns, cars, property, violence. It’s as if the authors, rather than writing what they know, are writing from TV and movies. As it happens I don’t think an author should always write what he or she knows, but if you can write entirely from imagination, why settle for TV tropes?

But forgive that rant. I’m just expressing my taste. To be more objective about it: I’m really impressed with the energy of the language, the uniqueness of the imagery—I love the orgasmic pigs—and the immediacy of it, how you feel you’re in amongst the action and in the moment. It’s a well-told story. So I’m voting “I like it” even though I merely respect it.

However, I was put off by this at the beginning:

Quoting Caldwell

The beloved Professor

I’ve criticized “show don’t tell”, but here is a good example of where it’s important. Don’t tell me the Professor is beloved; show me. On the other hand, maybe it’s ironic or archly humorous. I’m beginning to appreciate that the author had fun writing it.

Quoting Caldwell

Forget sharing your #@%&! life story

I didn’t like this self-censorship at first, not only because there’s no problem with profanity in fiction and no need to weaken the speech by hiding it, but also because it’s done with the comic-book style symbols instead of asterisks. But thinking about it again, the comic book style does seem appropriate, and maybe this was intentional.

I agree with Jamal. I however wonder what was lovable about this professor. There are beloved professors wielding guns and driving SUV's and foul mouthing about beggars. I know they exist but they are a rarity. Most are nerdish, drive a nice car when they even drive, but no SUV's and most will be scared to even look at a Desert Eagle in real life. Maybe that is too European of me, might be, but the image a beloved professor evokes is something else than this rather heavy handed gunslinger.

Quoting Hanover

My thought was how the gundude was able to speak after getting shot by a 50 caliber round.

Maybe it did not hit him on the chest, but took off his arm or leg or some other non-vital tissue.

I liked the story. Finally!!!! A story that read like a story. It did not even matter that there was no actual lesson or moral or point to it; I revelled in its form as a story, after all the other writings that were not like stories. Well, at least the ones that I read. Including my own, make no mistake.

Quoting Jamal

However, I was put off by this at the beginning:

I thought it was meant to be part of the irony: to introduce a popular academic who, as stereotype, should be driving sedately in the slow lane, not rocketing and squealing. It suggests a Jekyll and Hyde character, such as many otherwise well-behaved people [of all sexes and genders] exhibit when they're behind the wheel of an SUV [or other vehicle with more horsepower than its intended purpose requires] The overpowered gun suggests the same split personality. Hence its belated naming.

I thought it rather a nice riff on TV tropes.

Quoting Benkei

long as they're not hollow points, doesn't it really depend where you're shot?

I found this that discusses the shock wave from getting hit. This is the same caliber, but different barrel, so we'll probably need to submit this to a forensic expert to be completely sure.

https://www.wearethemighty.com/popular/how-50-cal-kills-you/#:~:text=M33%20and%20other%20.-,50%2Dcal.,enough%20to%20cause%20neurological%20damage.

Quoting Hanover

we'll probably need to submit this to a forensic expert to be completely sure.

Both bodies are about to be shipped off to the coroner's morgue for autopsy. As soon at the bullets are recovered, we'll send them right over to ballistics.

Quoting Vera Mont

I thought it was meant to be part of the irony

Yes, as I said, I did suspect that. However, my first impression wasn’t good and after reading the whole thing I was predisposed to find fault.