Brother Jake's - By 180 Proof

I spent some time confirming that there was a St. Augustine Catholic Church in Louisiana based on the crawfish reference. There was also a St. Martin of Tours located just 2 hours away, so that panned out.

As to the story, I can't get aboard the anti-hero's tactics, as perhaps there's a more global and legal remedy.

Other than that, it was an interesting story, with enough details for me to think the writer is Catholic and possibly wishful that the sentiment and this-worldliness of this priest is shared silently and secretively by the rank and file, even if never expressed that way.

I like the story and the setup, but the tense keeps changing at random. There's also some misplaced sentence subjects, like:

Quoting Caldwell

Though quiet and pious, the men

The men are the subject here and thus quiet and pious, not Jake.

Clean that up and it would be pretty strong, I think.

I did like the irony as well, where the openly and inappropriately sexually expressive priest was the appropriately behaving priest.

Reply to Hanover Deeds over words.

There might be a good story there, but the changes in tense, sometimes within a sentence, make it unreadable.

I find no disturbing tense changes. But then again I ain't a native speaker of English. My grammar comes from textbooks.

True, the author used the "has + past participle" imperfect tense a few times, and the rest of the times he used the perfect (the simple past tense).

The two occurrences where he used the imperfect, he was describing activities that started in the past, and continued into the present.

So I am wrong, I am not saying I'm right. Therefore I ask: would it have been correct to say

Brother Jake was a good shepherd to the flock working on the river near Saint Augustine's mission. He diligently worked most days at the fish market beheading and gutting, then in the evenings he heard confessions.

instead of

Quoting Caldwell

Brother Jake's always been a good shepherd to the flock working on the river near Saint Augustine's mission. He's diligently worked most days at the fish market beheading and gutting, then in the evenings he heard confessions.

Please note: I used the perfect (simple past) for the "was" and for the "worked".

Reply to god must be atheist Your version works, yes. There are other possibilities.

Reply to Jamal Thanks.

It's a bit grim. Like yes I know pedophilia not to mention an institutionalised cover-up of such is grossly effed up, to the greatest perverse degree, but so is serial killing under some sort of self-appointed vigilante status.

I mean what if he got some of his murders wrong and some priests were innocent of the alleged crime? Then he would have committed crimes against the innocent too.

This is why we have trials and collection of evidence and witness statements. Justice by due course.

I can't say which is worse, exploiting the innocent and helpless or murdering en masse but in my opinion they're both really wrong.

Two wrongs dont make a right.

Reply to Jamal Funny how as a non-native that didn't bother me but if it had been in Dutch it would've annoyed me to no end. It's probably not as jarring because it doesn't sound too wrong to me due to lack of exposure. I'm a bit saddened really as I'd hoped I was as close as native speaking as possible and still you miss something. It suggests there will always be a language barrier.

Reply to Benkei Don't be sad. ND and I are very particular about these things. Reading more fiction in English would probably allow you to spot it easily.

Reply to Jamal That's the only thing I read: science fiction and fantasy, about 20k pages a year. :rofl:

Reply to Benkei Ah. Oh well.

But look:

Quoting Benkei

Funny how as a non-native that didn't bother me but if it had been in Dutch it would've annoyed me to no end

Don't try telling me you're not a tense-master.

Reply to Jamal Ha, thanks! It's not that I don't know the rules (and can apply them correctly about 90% of the time). I see the mistakes in this story but they're not "jarring" to me. So I easily gloss over them without it affecting how I enjoyed it.

What that entails to me, is that you can "lose" readers or listeners on things I wouldn't expect or would find unimportant from my own experience.

Quoting Benkei

What that entails to me, is that you can "lose" readers or listeners on things I wouldn't expect or would find unimportant from my own experience.

Yes indeed. Me, I'm not a forgiving reader.

Quoting Jamal

There might be a good story there, but the changes in tense, sometimes within a sentence, make it unreadable.

Really? I found it immensely readable; nothing verbally jarred with me at all.

Brother Jake's

Brother Jake's what? A possessive apostrophe.
'Brother Jake's' at the start of the story:
Quoting Caldwell

Brother Jake's always been a good shepherd to the flock working on the river near Saint Augustine's mission.

The apostrophe here as a contraction: Brother Jake has always been a good shepherd.
Likewise Quoting Caldwell

He's diligently worked

Quoting Caldwell

Though quiet and pious, the men liked Jake because he'd occasionally cuss and laugh at dirty jokes and once, while unloading a haul of crawfish, told a joke so filthy that no one went to confession for a week.

He'd/ He would occasionally show his 'bad' or human side enough to shock the fishermen who then felt unable to go to him for confession.

This is building a picture using the present perfect to connect the past with the present.( as far as I can tell). It reminds me of learning the imperfetto in Italian. It is used in storytelling to describe situations/status which unfold over time. There is no real focus on a specific beginning or end.

The first paragraph contrasts starkly with the second.
Quoting Caldwell

But on days when he needed to confess so bad that he'd stay away from the market, Brother Jake trembled like 'Our Lord in Gethsemane' before finding a priest in a nearby parish to hear his confession.

Brother Jake stays away from the fishermen. He can't call them to be 'fishers of men'.
Brother Jake's real nature makes him tremble as Jesus did in agonies over a 'punishment'.
Praying to his Father, God...he didn't want to die but let His will be done...

Jake wanted forgiveness. Hadn't Jesus died on the Cross so that Brother Jake's sins would be washed away?

[According to some, Jesus pays the penalty for each individual's sin in order to right the relationship between God and humanity, a relationship damaged by sin.]

Quoting Caldwell

[...] to hear Jake calmly confess to murdering several priests whose sodomy of small boys, of course, had been covered-up by the Archbishop; then, as easy as gutting a fish, the monk would slit open his confessor's throat and cross another name off of His List.

Brother Jake's beheading and gutting great practice for this vigilante 'hero' acting as God.
Crossing another name off His List. Whose list? Brother Jake's?

***

This was very well done. Some people can't get past tenses.
A disturbing and thought-provoking story that drew me in. I like it.
It's clear that we never know who a person really is. Questions arise as to who gets to judge and punish.
The fishermen no longer trust him. There's something off. Good judges of character.
They will not be led by a fake Jesus or God.

An interesting journey to the confession box of Monsignor Isaac. Stations of the Cross?
So, what happened next...how much of a conspirator was Isaac?

Quoting Hanover

As to the story, I can't get aboard the anti-hero's tactics, as perhaps there's a more global and legal remedy.

:up:
Hopefully.

Quoting Jamal

Don't be sad. ND and I are very particular about these things. Reading more fiction in English would probably allow you to spot it easily.

[s]How unbelievably condescending and downright stupid of you.[/s]
Did you mean to sound so condescending and stupid?

Quoting Benkei

I see the mistakes in this story but they're not "jarring" to me. So I easily gloss over them without it affecting how I enjoyed it.

And that is how it should be...in my opinion. The story is a strong one.

Quoting Amity

Did you mean to sound so condescending and stupid?

No, I'm afraid it comes naturally.

Quoting Jamal

No, I'm afraid it comes naturally.

Fair enough. But you are not forgiven for your sins. Where's my knife... :naughty:

I found it interesting to read. It is a tricky topic though with the whole area which has opened up about priests molesting children. Having come from a Catholic background, I do wonder if this plays into stereotypes a bit. I would have liked to know more about Brother Jake's life and psychology. Was he abused as a child himself? I guess the word limit makes a fuller character sketch a bit difficult here.

Quoting Benj96

Like yes I know pedophilia not to mention an institutionalised cover-up of such is grossly effed up, to the greatest perverse degree, but so is serial killing under some sort of self-appointed vigilante status.

There is a paradox and more at the heart of vigilantism.
A leader who regards himself as standing up for society's moral code, and who thinks he is best suited to carry out justice can be dangerous. The police aren't up to it...

An interesting article here:
Quoting The Independent - The paedophile hunter

But the film showed that the Warwickshire and West Mercia forces are “very concerned about what [Hunter] does and his methods”, Reed said. At one stage in the documentary, a man flees from the decoy house and is pursued by Hunter and his team, holding their cameras, across the housing estate. Members of the public join the pursuit and passing motorists shout abuse at the “paedo”.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/the-paedophile-hunter-vigilante-s-success-adds-to-pressure-for-greater-police-resources-in-child-sex-crackdown-9763501.html

Another thing to consider: those ganging up and shouting "Paedo!" are not angels themselves.
Some might be addicted to online porn; they can be caught and sent to prison as a 'sex offender'.
When being re-introduced to a community, they become known and feared as 'paedos'.
Their homes and family targeted. They are still on the Sex Offenders Register.

Also, those who have been abused are sometimes at risk of abusing others in turn; they might fear the potential for this in themselves and others. This can feed the anger of the righteous.

Quoting Jack Cummins

I would have liked to know more about Brother Jake's life and psychology. Was he abused as a child himself? I guess the word limit makes a fuller character sketch a bit difficult here.

Yes. This is only a snapshot of Brother Jake's story. The good and the bad of it.
Even with the word limit, the descriptions provoke more questions and thoughts. Very well done.

By sheer coincidence (or shenanigans of 'the Holy Ghost') I wrote this tale just days before the long overdue death of one Joseph Ratzinger the despicable fantasist and #1 apologist for the, no doubt, still ongoing criminal enterprise of systemic pedophilia and obstruction of justice in Roman Catholic dioceses around the world. Whatever it's meagre merits, I'd like to think "Brother Jake's" as a timely send off to that special Papal place in 'Hell'. :pray:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/apr/10/pope-paedophile-priests-cover-up

Reply to 180 Proof
I did wonder if it had been written by you. So many have been shocked by all that has been found out about organisations, like the Christian Brothers in Ireland. The hell and damnation and all the hidden sexual secrets are the shadow side of the Catholic church. It may be that the repression lead to this.

Mind you, it is certainly not the only place where paedophilia has been exposed and there have been plenty of pop singers who have been convicted or cast into suspicion. So many people got rid of their Gary Glitter records. I was a fan of LostProphets and wouldn't have wanted to listen to them again after Ian Watkins was convicted of paedophilia.

In the Catholic church there is such drama over sex. At 16, I joined my church youth club and only went a few times because it was too wild for me because there were loads of heterosexual affairs and pub crawls long before I had even considered drinking or having relationships. I just used to stand around talking to quiet people and listening to the song which was being played so much, Soft Cell's,'Tainted Love'...

Quoting Jack Cummins

Soft Cell's, 'Tainted Love'...

Thanks for giving me a new way of listening to that old tune. :cool:

Quoting Amity

Yes. This is only a snapshot of Brother Jake's story. The good and the bad of it.
Even with the word limit, the descriptions provoke more questions and thoughts. Very well done.

:fire:

Quoting Benj96

Two wrongs dont make a right.

Thus, the contagion spreads by mutating, no?

Quoting Hanover

I spent some time confirming that there was a St. Augustine Catholic Church in Louisiana based on the crawfish reference. There was also a St. Martin of Tours located just 2 hours away, so that panned out

Wow. I had no idea. I just pulled those 'saints' out of who knows where – my Catholic grammar school & church was St. Martin of Tours (who'd ministered to the poor & lepers, IIRC); and I served as an altar boy for a decade (unscathed, fortunately!) till I graduated high school; and wasn't St. Augustine the asshole who conjured up the self-abnegating doctrine of "Origjnal Sin"? – though, had I'd expanded the tale into, let's say, a novella-length psycho-thriller, I would have definitely done some careful research.... I suspect 'somewhere along the Gulf Coast but upriver a ways' is where I imagine the story takes place. Maybe living in the Southeast on and off since the late 90s with many visits to NOLA, Biloxi, Pensacola, etc, certain places made impressions which were stirred up in me like a ladle of gumbo when I sat down to scribble. Anyway, good catch, Hanover; thanks for reading me. :up:

Reply to Amity We're all so lucky to have you read us so lovingly. Thanks, thanks for reading me so well 'in spite of' rather than merely 'because of'. :clap: :hearts:

Quoting 180 Proof

Hanover; thanks for reading me. :up:

St. Augustine was also right next to a river, so there'd have been crawfish swarming in those muddy banks.

Amazing coincidence that you nailed that.

As if there are coincidences.

Quoting Hanover

As if there are coincidences.

"As if" ...
Quoting 180 Proof

By sheer coincidence (or shenanigans of 'the Holy Ghost') I wrote this tale...

:halo:

Reply to 180 Proof

Wow. Fascinating feedback.

Quoting 180 Proof

Maybe living in the Southeast on and off since the late 90s with many visits to NOLA, Biloxi, Pensacola, etc, certain places made impressions which stirred up in me like a ladle of gumbo when I sat down to scribble.

:cool:

We're all so lucky to have you and others like you to read and love. Thanks again! :clap: :hearts:

How old is too old for one to pay for one's crimes?

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/aug/23/new-orleans-priest-admits-abusing-minors

Quoting 180 Proof

How old is too old for one to pay for one's crimes?

It is never too old. Sooner or later, the power of law leans on the seek of justice and the criminal is convicted. Better later, than never. It is impossible to escape from a crime.

Quoting 180 Proof

How old is too old for one to pay for one's crimes?

From what I'm told, we're all still paying for the sin in Eden, so if statutes of limitations are not a part of his code, he can't rightly expect others to provide him that benefit.

The word "parish" also suggests Louisiana is the location. I wonder if 3:16 refers to the Gospel of John. Jake's confession may not be the Act of Contrition I had to memorize (I can still recite it), but may be considered a normal, honest reaction. As H.L. Mencken said: "Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."

Quoting Ciceronianus

As H.L. Mencken said: "Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."

Amen. :smirk:

https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/comment/833115

follow-up ...

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/sep/07/new-orleans-priest-lawrence-hecker-criminal-charges

follow-up's follow-up ...

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/sep/13/retired-priest-pleads-not-guilty-child-rape-new-orleans

https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/comment/836240

Another follow-up

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/dec/08/new-orleans-catholic-church-child-sex-abuse-analysis

Quoting javi2541997

It is impossible to escape from a crime.

No. Many people get away with committing horrendous crimes and they sleep very soundly until they die peacefully at a ripe old age. :wink:

https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/comment/952532

Feeding fat pedophiles at the hungry's expense ...
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/feb/01/archbishop-new-orleans-food-bank :shade:

Reply to Tom Storm :up: