Surface of the ocean. - By TheMadMan

Caldwell December 30, 2022 at 01:59 525 views 8 comments
A man and a woman standing there.
After some time, a spherical water-form ascends from the ocean.
They grasped it unto their arms.
The couple is happy but confused.
They take it under protection.
They care for it, at the same time it seems alien and strange to them.
So they do their best to change that.
They give it a name.
They teach it right and left, up and down, yes and no.
In time it starts becoming less and less spherical.
The couple shows it to other people.
They like it, but it could be better, so they teach it too.
Less and less spherical it becomes.
More and more complex corners.
And all are proud of it.

One day it walks towards the ocean and all are scared because the water-form will dissolve into the ocean.
It jumped into the ocean but it did not merge with it.
It floated above it for the ocean recognized it no more.

Comments (8)

Hanover December 30, 2022 at 03:35 #767601
This is a story of a conscious water object whose geometric complexity increases in direct correlation to the spiritual advancement of the object, so much so that eventually it is unable to return to the sea that spawned it.

What to do with such a story?

One problem I had was that this water object maintained certain unfamiliar properties. In particular, it had an internal cohesion typical of a solid and not a liquid. When one attempts to grasp water, they usually end up with only wet hands, and certainly nothing that you would offer a name.

For example, suppose I just washed my hands and I introduced you to Corky, and you were like "who's Corky?," and I was like, "that's the wetness on my hands, " you'd be like "you named the water residue on your hands?," and I'd be like "come at me bro" for talking shit about my hands' wetness.

So in that regard, this story is something I closely and intimately identify with, but on the other, it's different in the way things usually happen at my house.
Jamal December 30, 2022 at 07:52 #767620
What’s happening in this story is very interesting to me, but some aspects of the execution don’t sit right.

Is it a poem? Every sentence takes a new line, and there are some self-consciously poetistic archaisms like “They grasped it unto their arms,” “Less and less spherical it becomes,” and “for the ocean recognized it no more.” On the other hand, I don’t detect a verse rhythm or related poetic concern.

Most distracting of all is the abrupt change of tense for the last two lines. It weakens it.

But as I say, I like the idea.

EDIT: Just noticed that the third line is also past tense and thus out of place.
hypericin December 30, 2022 at 11:59 #767658
I saw it as a metaphor for maturation. As we learn and experience we àcquire edges and corners, complexities, personalities, that were absent as Tabula Rasa children. While we take pride in our increasing sophistication we long for the state of grace of childhood, but can never rejoin it, it actively rejects us and our edges and corners
0 thru 9 December 30, 2022 at 20:17 #767785
Very mythological! Like it. :up:
(bonus... it’s a myth that no one will kill each other for).
Caldwell December 30, 2022 at 22:35 #767830
Reply to hypericin Reply to 0 thru 9 Yes, in a mythological way.
It's an anthropomorphic story like Frozen Bodies, Warm Hearts.
The use of sphere is also very philosophically ancient when describing human nature.
Benkei December 31, 2022 at 08:52 #767949
Is this written by @Vera Mont?
Tobias December 31, 2022 at 14:23 #767969
It is a story about how education and care in this world shape us, literally, and we end up forgetting our origins. Not an unfamiliar theme...
Vera Mont December 31, 2022 at 14:56 #767973
Reply to Benkei No.