Kevin @57 - By 180 Proof

I don't get the end of this story.

The best I could figure is that the unquoted "oh" and "Don't you remember..." are comments from dead Kevin, but the lack of quotes should only indicate it's the narrator, which it cannot be because the narrator is in the third person at the beginning and cannot break the wall and enter the story at end.

So, I'm left with a confusing punctuation device attempting I think to convey speaking with the dead.

I also don't understand the question to Kevin about the funeral, which is ambiguous because I'm not clear if he's talking about Kevin's past funeral or Rudy's alluded to funeral he mentioned to Mercy.

Maybe someone explain it to me.

I also didn't find it all that believable the kid choked on a whole chicken wing. That seemed pretty big, but I guess anything could happen. It seemed contrived.

In any event, I missed something.

It did make me think about writing a story with intentional unnavigable shifts in perspective and sudden appearances of unintroduced characters. Sort of a theater of the absurd in every regard. Not that this story was that, but I like that concept.

That one childish mistake has haunted him all his life. Now he's about to end it. Mercy will get him through the last night, but won't attend the funeral. With a casket - pine, probably.

Kudos to @Vera Mont for what appears to me to be the correct reading. However, the meaning was difficult to divine for me at first reading, which just confused me. I do like the melancholy it breathes but it should be tightened up a bit to make some things more obvious for a casual reader.

Very bittersweet. All moments in life are not created equal. Not even close.

Nicely written! :flower:

Confused about who is talking. Mercy is asking "So Kevin, burial or cremation?"? Makes sense that the line would be delivered by Mercy in humor but Rudy hears himself referred to as Kevin in his own head. Maybe reworking internal dialogue would help with clarity. It's like a layered/changing dialogue effect, where Rudy's internal dialogue comes to the fore as if he were communing with Kevin.


Reminds me of Toni Morrison's Beloved. Rudy is haunted/possessed by the death of his brother to a point of surreal confusion/incongruence .

Neatly and efficiently captures a failed life, from beginning to potential terminus.

Quoting Caldwell

"Don't be, it's my funeral. We weren't close..."

Great line!

I was a bit dismayed to see it only got 50% "likes" even with my vote. Good writing should be rewarded, even if only symbolically. These "likes" really aren't that significant, I think. After all, what would be the greatest fiction of all, by likes? Harry Potter? The Bible?

Quoting Nils Loc

Reminds me of Toni Morrison's Beloved. Rudy is haunted/possessed by the death of his brother to a point of surreal confusion/incongruence .

:grin::up: Thanks.

Quoting Hanover

I don't get the end of this story.

Neither do I. :smirk:

Reply to hypericin This comment is so much better praise than the poll. Thank you for reading. :clap:

Quoting hypericin

These "likes" really aren't that significant, I think.

I agree. "Like" seems an inappropriate word for rating a creative effort. I have been honest and not 'liked' a couple of good stories, because although I could see how good they were, I was unable to like them.

Quoting hypericin

Good writing should be rewarded, even if only symbolically.

I agree it's a good piece. Reminded me of For Bread Alone, by Mohamed Choukri. Well done, @180 Proof!

Quoting hypericin

Neatly and efficiently captures a failed life, from beginning to potential terminus.
"Don't be, it's my funeral. We weren't close..."
— Caldwell
Great line!

I was a bit dismayed to see it only got 50% "likes" even with my vote. Good writing should be rewarded, even if only symbolically.

I haven't even read properly or voted yet. Sorry @180 Proof :yikes: and other late entries.
I had to give up reading and commenting at a certain point. Tired and overwhelmed.
Perhaps others were in a similar position?

Quoting Nils Loc

Confused about who is talking. Mercy is asking "So Kevin, burial or cremation?"? Makes sense that the line would be delivered by Mercy in humor but Rudy hears himself referred to as Kevin in his own head. Maybe reworking internal dialogue would help with clarity. It's like a layered/changing dialogue effect, where Rudy's internal dialogue comes to the fore as if he were communing with Kevin.

Reminds me of Toni Morrison's Beloved. Rudy is haunted/possessed by the death of his brother to a point of surreal confusion/incongruence .

Thanks for giving me a way in to 'Kevin @ 57'
The first paragraph already confusing cos Kevin died as a baby. How come he reached 57?
Or what does the @ sign mean? At. Where? Why 57 - do we need to consult numerology?

Later, we see how Rudy his older brother prefers to be alcohol-and-wife-free. Enough burdens already.
He carries the guilt of Kevin's death even though we might wonder where his mother was at the time.
No wonder she didn't blame Rudy. Perhaps the father blamed him or her. After the father left home they became closer Almost a complicit silence.

Rudy is attracted to young female performers bearing a resemblance to his Mum.
Is he seeking maternal comfort? Is he still childlike?

The strip dancer plays along as a girl flirting with her sweet 'daddy'.

Kevin is on Rudy's mind as he tells 'Mercy' that he's in town for his own funeral.
Her name intrigues Rudy. It might have a secret meaning; the dancer might have hidden depths.

Quoting Caldwell

Everybody wants Mercy sometimes...but usually doesn't know how to ask."

Will the dancer provide Rudy with a release from the guilt he carries?

Quoting Caldwell

Oh.

A single-word response. Not an exclamation but an expression of...what?
Recognition, acceptance, confusion...oh, what now?

Quoting Caldwell

"So Kevin, burial or cremation?"

Don't you remember, Rudy, that little white casket?

Who is asking the first question - Mercy or Rudy?
If Mercy, does she see Rudy and Kevin as one?
If Rudy, is he asking 'Kevin @ 57' for advice as to his/their disposal?

Where does the next question come from - it doesn't form part of the dialogue.
Perhaps it is the spirit of Kevin reminding Rudy of the funeral of his baby brother.
Past and present combined.

A detached Rudy who has never been 'close' to himself, wants to end his haunted existence.

We are left not knowing if he receives the tender auspices of 'Mercy' or not.
Forgiveness or Finality?

***

Another intriguing tale from @180 Proof. To make us think and wonder what the hell is going on!
Well worth the effort of figuring it out. Even if the ending is left open to question...perhaps because of it.
Congrats! :clap: :sparkle: :flower:

Quoting Olivier5

I agree it's a good piece. Reminded me of For Bread Alone, by Mohamed Choukri. Well done, 180 Proof!

Merci beaucoup. Btw, what about my tale reminds you of Choukri's? Your comment piques my interest so I might read him.

Quoting Amity

How come he reached 57?

Fifty-seven years a ghost.

A complicit silence.

:up:

Don't you remember, Rudy, that little white casket?
— Kevin @57

Perhaps it is the spirit of Kevin reminding Rudy of the funeral of his baby brother.
Past and present combined.

Found out again by Ariande hiding in another labyrinth. :clap:

To make us think and wonder what the hell is going on!

How dare you call me "philosopher"? :sweat:

Congrats! :clap: :sparkle: :flower:

Waking to your :kiss: on the first morning (here) of the year, Amity, augurs well for both 'Kevin & I'. :fire:

Reply to 180 Proof Cheers :hearts:

I liked this story the best of all entries. Including mine.

I enjoyed reading the subtext which was not spelled out, and was said still in crystal clear English.

I also enjoyed a death of a dear one in my family when I was young (not as young as Rudy) and I appreciate how this sort of thing never leaves the room, never gets out from under your skin to give you a break.

I also like the hooker/stripper theme. A bit of a reminder of Tangled Up In Blue, you know, when you know this relationship is never going to go anywhere, but that's precisely what you're aiming at -- like the last supper before the execution of a convict. Don't forget the champaign, mofo.

This was a brilliant piece.

(Right after the first paragraph I was afraid it was going to turn out to be another cat story plastered on the pavement, this time with dogs as bones, not with mice and tires.)

Quoting 180 Proof

what about my tale reminds you of Choukri's? Your comment piques my interest so I might read him.

You could do worse than read For Bread Alone. It's a blast of a story, realistic, in fact autobiographical, about a street boy in Morocco in the 50's. It's quite dark.

At the beginning of the book, our hero still lives with his family. Then something happens to his younger brother. I don't want to spoil, but similar to your micro fiction.

Choukri went through hell, with bits of paradise every now and then, including artificial, and tells us his coming of age story as raw as it was. It's Dickens meets James Baldwin, only in Arabic.

He was 'discovered' by a character you might know of: Paul Bowles, US writer and composer who lived in Tangier. Bowles translated the book into English.

Reply to Olivier5 Brilliant. On order from Amazon, my first book / new author of the new year! The Sheltering Sky had moved me quite a bit back in my university days (IIRC, I think Paul Bowles was a catalyst for me dropping out and hitting the road for a few years). "Kevin @57" is autobiographical too, but also a dark what if of a true incident that, while it didn't kill the baby, it panicked my mother so much at the time that she still scolds me about it on occasion. (Btw, 'baby brother' just had his 57th about a month ago.) I wonder, had things turned out much worse, would I have turned out like "Rudy" ... Anyway, Olivier, thanks again for reading my little weird tale. :cool:

Reply to 180 Proof My pleasure!

I landed on Choukri through my interest in anticolonial literature from the point of view of the colonized (or recently decolonized) 'South'. Choukri's is a very free and very Southern voice. Although his book is far more than a mere political piece, it does paint the French colons unfavorably. I note that it was translated into French (by Tahar Ben Jelloun, another excellent Maroccan author) almost two decades after the English translation, which is unusual.

Now I need to read The Sheltering Sky, and other works by Bowles and authors close to him. Seems he liked Southern literature too, enough to encourage and translate authors...

Reply to Olivier5 :up:

I do enjoy this story very much. It reminds me a lot of the Atom Egoyan movie Exotica. It also has a bit of a David Lynch like feel with the merging of Mama and Mercy and the mystical last line. Psychologically, Rudy seems to look for mercy. A mercy never granted because of the complete silence, and the break up of mom and dad. Kevin@ 57 may well be a reference to his birthday on the day of which Rudy gets to go to the strip club, looking for 'mama' and mercy rolled into one. (Ohhh bit after the fact I see now my eye falls in @180 Proof's response, but well, I just continue my train of thoughts...).

I like the play of the erotic and the merciful, which I also liked in Exotica. The 'prostitute / Saint' theme is present in philosophy and belongs to its dark undercurrent explored by Bataille. Read in this way the funeral Rudy alludes to as his may be metaphorical. He is in a strip club, going to drown himself in alcohol and possibly bury himself in Mercy while they are 'not even close'. A small death as a moment of liberation from the big one which befell Kevin. Great work :fire: :100:

Quoting Tobias

I like the play of the erotic and the merciful, which I also liked in Exotica. The 'prostitute / Saint' theme is present in philosophy and belongs to its dark undercurrent explored by Bataille. Read in this way the funeral Rudy alludes to as his may be metaphorical. He is in a strip club, going to drown himself in alcohol and possibly bury himself in Mercy while they are 'not even close'. A small death as a moment of liberation from the big one which befell Kevin. Great work :fire: :100:

A great reading! Many thanks, Tobias. :cool:

Reply to god must be atheistThank you, thank you! :smile:

Quoting Tobias

The 'prostitute / Saint' theme is present in philosophy

Way before Bataille: The fundamental of all Christian religions.

My heart goes out to the chicken! :rofl: :pray: :death: :flower:

Beautiful story @180 Proof. :up:

Reply to god must be atheist Ah yes, such as Yeshua's two Miriams – "The Virgin Mother" and "the Magdalene" – no doubt, Bataille's archetypal double.

Reply to Agent Smith Thanks for reading. :cool:

Quoting 180 Proof

"The Virgin Mother" and "the Magdalene"

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