Red, White and Blue by Amity
This is it. Flying high, he looked down at his land and people. Harvest time. Taxing trouble and toil. Merry Olde England.
Then in the blink of an eye, or the peck of a beak, his world turned upside down. Falling, flailing, failing. What the actual dickens?
Nadar, the epitome of a handsome, spoiled brat Prince lay on his bed. Not just any bed. A polished and plush 4-poster bed. Regally trimmed. Canopied and caged for a night in white satin.
His parents put him there, helped by goodly, goblin Gyvlak who cast a comatising spell, custom-built. Anxious they were, as the commoners cupped and supped their country ale. Penny-a-pint plotters. Philandering princes not welcome. Slumber long and deep in moody blues.
Maid Marianne held her nose and took the money. She could do this. Keep the prince cool, calm and comfy for as long as. What could possibly go wrong? Nadar tossed and turned in sudden fever.
Hells Bells!
Nymphy Netja, congratulated herself on a job well done. The Gobby One was not gonna win this time! There would be no peace for the wicked.
The Prince was and wasnt having a ball.
Throwing one was all for the good. Sycophants danced around. Beauties, artists, actors, acrobats, uglies. Masked for mutual benefits.
Now blinded by the brightness of a beguiling someone or other. A dazzling debutante, no doubt decked out and draped by a fairy godmother if he was not mistaken. Been there, done that. But this, this was different. Nadar was instantly smitten; bewitched, bothered and bewildered.
A magical seduction. Observed only by the masked maid Marianne who had plans of her own for the prince. Doing the rounds, serving drinks. Something wasnt right.
She followed them through the door. Deep in a dark stairwell, Nadar was pinned against the wall by the winsome beauty. Slender yet strangely tall and strong. Sucking, stroking and stoking the fire of desire.
Growing full and hard, his staff thrust its way through the layered lace and silk of an open-fronted gown. Below it, the prince bucked and recoiled, aroused and wakened to his plight. This could not be. His Royal Highness was being taken by a a He! Sucker-punched and gasping he fell to the ground.
Marianne weighed in. The heavy, silver tray crashed down on the attackers skull. She hauled Nadar to his feet. Eyes interlocked. Amber meets emerald. Aye, aye.
Contact and connection.
Is she he, it, the Other dead?
No, but thats not a very good look, is it?
Lets get rid
And so they did.
The Prince turned to thank Marianne, to raise her hand to his lips, maybe more but
Marianne cried out in pain. Birthing death, blood and tears. Married by ritual, forced against her will, aged thirteen. A newborn. Killed and still. So young and far away.
Frustrated in his prison, Prince Nadars heart pounded dangerously. Netja smiled at the silent scream. Thanks, Gyvlak! You know not what you do. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Meanwhile, Marianne kept her cool and the prince alive with medication, massage and urine bags. Not exactly sex, drugs, and rocknroll but one can dream.
The resurrected Other enters by a back passage.
To finish the job, to capture royalty and their downfall. Click, click, clickety, click.
Marianne spins around mid pee-pouch change. What the ?
The Other catches her. He cajoles and declares his love for the prince. Hes here to help. Nafar needs us both.
How?
The magical power of red, white on blue.
One hand rubs his bulging, velvet codpiece, the other reaches out to a bemused Marianne. What kind of blood, from where? Menstrual? He sniffs the air. No, not that time of the month. Fingertips? Nah, you dont know where theyve been.
Time to wake up and smell the roses and semen, Marianne.
The thorns prick her soft, sensuous lips and tongue. Red rivulets drip down her chin. To the golden cup. So damned appealing. Mad with desire, the Other forgets his mission. He circles and chases the scent of Marianne. Gnashing teeth, growling, tearing and biting. Marianne screams as she fights. Holy fuckin fuck!
Prince Nadar ripped from his nightmare cant do a bloody thing as he watches the pair fight for dominion. Must eat something. Grabs a banana and slurps milk.
Blue blood will out. Gyvlak waves to Netja. Final bout.
The Other looks up as the goblet of red sails through the air.
He howls at the splash in the eyes, his mouth opens in horror.
Wide enough to catch pure gold. The mid-flight spillage of a burst pee bag. It works like a charm, every time.
So, the reborn, heroic prince wins the day, as does the good.
Or so the story goes.
The Other sweats, sobs and shakes in the foetal position.. Germophobia not good. Time to wrap up and warp out.
He holds on to the spool. He is brave. He will save the Universe. All air balloons have been banned. No more human flights of fancy. No space travel. No interplanetary regencies and war. The peasants are seeded. A new harvest to be reaped under full moon II. Vive La Revolution!
If only he knew the Red, White and Blue.
Then in the blink of an eye, or the peck of a beak, his world turned upside down. Falling, flailing, failing. What the actual dickens?
Nadar, the epitome of a handsome, spoiled brat Prince lay on his bed. Not just any bed. A polished and plush 4-poster bed. Regally trimmed. Canopied and caged for a night in white satin.
His parents put him there, helped by goodly, goblin Gyvlak who cast a comatising spell, custom-built. Anxious they were, as the commoners cupped and supped their country ale. Penny-a-pint plotters. Philandering princes not welcome. Slumber long and deep in moody blues.
Maid Marianne held her nose and took the money. She could do this. Keep the prince cool, calm and comfy for as long as. What could possibly go wrong? Nadar tossed and turned in sudden fever.
Hells Bells!
Nymphy Netja, congratulated herself on a job well done. The Gobby One was not gonna win this time! There would be no peace for the wicked.
The Prince was and wasnt having a ball.
Throwing one was all for the good. Sycophants danced around. Beauties, artists, actors, acrobats, uglies. Masked for mutual benefits.
Now blinded by the brightness of a beguiling someone or other. A dazzling debutante, no doubt decked out and draped by a fairy godmother if he was not mistaken. Been there, done that. But this, this was different. Nadar was instantly smitten; bewitched, bothered and bewildered.
A magical seduction. Observed only by the masked maid Marianne who had plans of her own for the prince. Doing the rounds, serving drinks. Something wasnt right.
She followed them through the door. Deep in a dark stairwell, Nadar was pinned against the wall by the winsome beauty. Slender yet strangely tall and strong. Sucking, stroking and stoking the fire of desire.
Growing full and hard, his staff thrust its way through the layered lace and silk of an open-fronted gown. Below it, the prince bucked and recoiled, aroused and wakened to his plight. This could not be. His Royal Highness was being taken by a a He! Sucker-punched and gasping he fell to the ground.
Marianne weighed in. The heavy, silver tray crashed down on the attackers skull. She hauled Nadar to his feet. Eyes interlocked. Amber meets emerald. Aye, aye.
Contact and connection.
Is she he, it, the Other dead?
No, but thats not a very good look, is it?
Lets get rid
And so they did.
The Prince turned to thank Marianne, to raise her hand to his lips, maybe more but
Marianne cried out in pain. Birthing death, blood and tears. Married by ritual, forced against her will, aged thirteen. A newborn. Killed and still. So young and far away.
Frustrated in his prison, Prince Nadars heart pounded dangerously. Netja smiled at the silent scream. Thanks, Gyvlak! You know not what you do. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Meanwhile, Marianne kept her cool and the prince alive with medication, massage and urine bags. Not exactly sex, drugs, and rocknroll but one can dream.
The resurrected Other enters by a back passage.
To finish the job, to capture royalty and their downfall. Click, click, clickety, click.
Marianne spins around mid pee-pouch change. What the ?
The Other catches her. He cajoles and declares his love for the prince. Hes here to help. Nafar needs us both.
How?
The magical power of red, white on blue.
One hand rubs his bulging, velvet codpiece, the other reaches out to a bemused Marianne. What kind of blood, from where? Menstrual? He sniffs the air. No, not that time of the month. Fingertips? Nah, you dont know where theyve been.
Time to wake up and smell the roses and semen, Marianne.
The thorns prick her soft, sensuous lips and tongue. Red rivulets drip down her chin. To the golden cup. So damned appealing. Mad with desire, the Other forgets his mission. He circles and chases the scent of Marianne. Gnashing teeth, growling, tearing and biting. Marianne screams as she fights. Holy fuckin fuck!
Prince Nadar ripped from his nightmare cant do a bloody thing as he watches the pair fight for dominion. Must eat something. Grabs a banana and slurps milk.
Blue blood will out. Gyvlak waves to Netja. Final bout.
The Other looks up as the goblet of red sails through the air.
He howls at the splash in the eyes, his mouth opens in horror.
Wide enough to catch pure gold. The mid-flight spillage of a burst pee bag. It works like a charm, every time.
So, the reborn, heroic prince wins the day, as does the good.
Or so the story goes.
The Other sweats, sobs and shakes in the foetal position.. Germophobia not good. Time to wrap up and warp out.
He holds on to the spool. He is brave. He will save the Universe. All air balloons have been banned. No more human flights of fancy. No space travel. No interplanetary regencies and war. The peasants are seeded. A new harvest to be reaped under full moon II. Vive La Revolution!
If only he knew the Red, White and Blue.
Comments (101)
It was such a meditative reading experience for me, a chance to learn about new methods. It has passion and consistency.
The plot is clear? I have no idea what is going on... except for the glittering of references, nights in white satin, moody blues, hell being paced, the virgin Marianne, Hell's bells. I do think no peace for the wicked should be no rest for the wicked.
Well done. Enjoyed. :up:
Yeah, the story very much reminded me of your entry last year or the year before that. I kinda wish writers would keep their piss bags to themselves... :rofl:
:razz:
Maybe you can help me... I have reread it and for the life of me I do not get it. The plot though should be clear for Javi at least. I do not understand. The prince is first under a comatose spell, but then suddenly he is out and about being seduced by a winsome beauty. How does he get there and who is Netja? The beauty, possibly. Then he gets a pee bag in his face and indeed I find myself thinking "Not again!", without even knowing what it is about! I do need some enlightenment in the world. It is either yours or Benkei's this one.
I said that I enjoyed it not that I understood it :wink: . I'd have to read it over to get a proper grasp of the plot. But it's proper writing in my estimation, unselfconscious and free, which I appreciate as an experience. Most writers, especially beginners, write through a kind of a filter of something else they read and it always looks like there's a better writer in the background trying to break through. But it's not them. So they never get going. Never get a proper rhythm. It's always kind of stop start.
When you get beyond that anything can happen but no matter what it is it's almost always better than being cloaked by your influences. This writer has confidence and a certain flair that I can happily absorb without worrying too much about the details of the narrative. ... If that makes sense.
:100: :up:
It is you isn't it? There is still a lot of rum left, but I better go to sleep. To all writers with flair and panache! :sparkle:
I read that as "I think I have more pancakes than hair", which is plausible.
How would you measure that exactly? Seems tricky.
That said, it feels raw, rushed, confused, and unpolished. With some refinement I think the author can be a very good comedic fantasy writer.
Yes, it's kind of like "I have more water than pencils".
:cool: :up: "I enjoyed it"!
Quoting hypericin
Yes. I've read this weird fairytale a few times now. The transition points aren't clear. It is confusing.
Perhaps @javi2541997 or someone who even half 'gets it' can help show the way:
Quoting javi2541997
A lovely comment but what 'new methods' are you talking about?
We're all here for constructive criticism. How could this story be improved?
I would sound weird, but I tend to love twisted plots or stories. I liked this one in particular because the author is intelligent enough to put a lot of characteristics and situations without a clear "path" to follow. But this is not necessarily something bad, at least for me it is something interesting.
I do not know what should be improved... Maybe the title? :snicker:
So, you didn't get tied in knots then. And you don't worry about being lost.
That doesn't sound so very weird to me :up:
But you still didn't answer my question:
Quoting javi2541997
Quoting Amity
***
Quoting javi2541997
You don't like the colour scheme? :scream:
For example: I never try fantastic plots or connections between different characters. I feel more confident when I write narratives in first person of the singular and the plot is related to the sophistication of nature and melancholy.
For me the first examples are methods but it is just my view, I guess.
Quoting Amity
It is the flag of France! I do not see any special on it...
Ah, OK. I understand now. It's a different kind of story with mixed, interconnected perspectives.
Quoting javi2541997
Do you know how many flags are red, white and blue? 30.
Anyway, the colours also relate to other...em...concepts, substances...
Enough to say, that your special flag - red and yellow - wouldn't fit the UK setting, sorry!
I think the problem with this story is that logical connections are missing. There are no clear directions for how to piece the fragments together in a rational way.
But then again, isn't this all part of a dream world landscape? When you have dreams, do you know where they are taking you to? There's a kaleidoscope of time, place and people.
So, follow the dream or nightmare. Who does it belong to...
I didn't know that. But what's the Dutch connection to the story?
Other than you think it is double Dutch? Or written by a Dutchman?
Oh, aren't you Dutch? Hmmm...
I know but the author wrote in the foot page (at the ending): Vive La Revolution! This is why I thought that the author was thinking in France.
Quoting Amity
I do not understand you now, Amity. Because my special flag is Castiles not the Spanish one. :grin:
Quoting Amity
I agree in your opinion or view. It is difficult to know where the dreams connect us to. But that's one of the most interesting aspects of our life and perception!
Oh God, I've had to go look again. I'm getting a severe headache. Thanks very much :groan:
This is what was written:
Quoting Noble Dust
It seems to be The Other, who is seeding thoughts in the peasants so that a revolution takes place.
The Other says "Time to wrap up and warp out".
Is he an alien time traveller, hoping to change the power system in the future...? Hmm.
Ooops, sorry. Massive blunder :yikes:
Forgive me? :pray:
How so?
Nah! Never mind! Just another weird fact from Spain! We are divided by seventeen autonomous regions and we are more attached to them than the country itself.
Quoting Amity
Applying your theory of different flags with those patterns of colors!
Given there is a colour connection to 30 countries, why focus on the Dutch?
Good to know!
I question this. When I'm in Spain I see houses and apartments with the Spanish flag flying, very rarely the regional flags.
Off-topic I know.
I was not focusing on the Dutch! :rofl:
Yes, in houses and apartments is more common to see the Spanish flag. Nevertheless, in the public buildings the regional flag is even above of the Spains. I remember that you were in Valencia. I guess you perceived an important ratio of regionalism there. Their coat of arms is Jaume the first and not the Bourbon, for example. Maybe you remember that in the most significant buildings of Valencia, there was just the Valencian region flag. This also happens in every province. In Catalonia and Basque Country this practice is even more usual.
This is becoming quite absurd. We're going way off-topic.
But this is a reminder of the conversation:
Quoting Tobias
Quoting javi2541997
Quoting Amity
[...]
Quoting javi2541997
You agreed with @Tobias that there was a Dutch connection.
Can we bury the flag thing now, please? :pray:
Ok! I went off the topic. I am sorry, folks :smile:
Quoting Amity
Ah, ok.
The Dutch connection I am thinking of is Benkei having written the story... But it is funny that, if you follow the rabbit hole all the way down, you will find the Dutch. Peeved the British to no end.
However, I think someone pointing out that the author also referenced 'vive la revolution' among all the other references, has somewhat of a point. It is probably the other tricolore...
Guys! :roll:
I know it! It is all about the KLM! I should have known from the first sentence! It was flying high above England upsetting British Airways who thought they were masters of the sky. It has now been bought by the French, hence 'Vive la revolution' and its in flight personnel all look like promiscuous goblins!
Ohhh sorry Amity, I will behave from now on... :zip: I will delete this post after half and hour ok? (Otherwise I might also be sued by the KLM)
By George, I think he's got it!
Oh, that! Yes, that was all the work of The Other. :wink:
Quoting Benkei
Yeah, you poor sensitive soul. You adore being disgusted:
Quoting Benkei
What cheap thrill?
There was no cheap thrill. You know it :brow:
You need to stop this right here, right now.
Unless you point to where I made 'obscenities' which sickened you as in the alleged:
Quoting Benkei
Perhaps best to return to that one. So I can correct any misinterpretation.
See update in 'The Sports Car'.
***
Can we now please return to this story?
Quoting Benkei
Are you talking about the writing here? If so, excellent :up:
Quoting Amity
:vomit:
Yup.
You just had to bring it here... but without the full context:
Your :vomit: is ridiculous.
However, I'm glad you complimented the writing here. Good on ya' :flower:
Quoting Baden
Quoting Amity
Do you like James Joyce? An olympic imagination at play in words.
I don't know if I like Joyce. I think I read him when very young with no great understanding.
I do like 'imagination at play in words'.
Can you provide an excerpt of his work or a recommendation? Thanks.
Does anyone know why this line appears where it does? This is where I really lost the plot I think.
Quoting Amity
What is the structure of Ulysses?
Ulysses is divided into three parts: The Telemachiad, the Odyssey, and The Nostos; it has eighteen episodes. The novel mirrors Homer's The Odyssey and is a stream-of-consciousness text with each chapter written in a different style.Apr 11, 2022
Ulysses by James Joyce | Structure, Style, & Characters
https://study.com ... Modernism in English Literature
I'll venture to guess "Red, White and Blue" has reverberations of Joyce behind it. In another guess, let me say the narrative features "fragmented stream-of-consciousness." The two elements, being polar opposites, combine to form a narrative that challenges readers vigorously.
The trick to reading stream-of-consciousness narratives (for me at least) is to allow connections between things to be loosey-goosey, far-flung, deeply intuitive connections instead of simple, rational, everyday connections. In short, read the narrative with your guts as much as with your head.
The trick to cottoning onto the modernist voice in narratives (for me at least) is to accept, as in the case of Joyce (I think), an elfin, raffish, snarky point-of-view onto a world of bloomin' creation with minimal explanations of existing things. Things just are. Now, whadda yuh goin' to make a that?
Do you usually talk like a mongrel Scottie?
Thanks for the Joyce link. I'll take a look when I have the time and energy.
I don't have a problem following this story but others seem to. I don't think it up to me to spoon feed but I wondered if there was a technique to make it more obvious.
For me, understanding a puzzling story is important. And yes, it's good to go with intuitive flow but the head comes into it for an intelligent reading.
I remember reading @180 Proof's 'Felice' where a transition was made from present to past. The shower scene! Not obvious at all but I was delighted to 'get it' when others didn't. I think the challenge and hard won 'Aha' moments are special for any reader.
It's not necessarily intuitive but a thinking out...reading through and beyond the gaps.
But I can't remember how 180 achieved this.
I thought something similar might have helped out here. Not from present to past but from and to something or somewhere else...
I am grateful to you for the term 'fragmented stream of consciousness' and other thoughts.
[quote=James Joyce] in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.[/quote]
Its an intimidating book though, and I havent read it. Probably the way to approach it is with a sense of adventure and an intense but non-academic engagement.
Thats my plan anyway.
I offer my apology for the last sentence. I was pleased with myself, thinking I'd given smart advice. Later, I realized my last sentence was forward, presumptuous and inappropriate. I won't be writing one like that again.
I now see, moreover, that my advice is not as smart as I'd previously thought.
Quoting Amity
Quoting Amity
You've nailed me again. You said nothing to warrant my spoon-fed, less-than-excellent advice so, another apology.
Quoting Amity
Quoting Amity
Quoting Amity
Yes to all of the above, and, to sum up, I agree that this story affords readers opportunities to think their way to satisfying aha! moments.
It is a sad fact that a reader is always less invested, immersed, and knowing about a piece of writing than the writer is. I think the writer has to always be conscious of their unique perspective wrt their work, and bias towards making things more obvious, without spoon feeding. It is a very difficult balance to strike.
Unfortunately I have nothing original to say, as I found the narrative impossible to follow, but I found the ebullience of the writing style quite wonderful at the same time. So, a sort of ying/yang of bad/good that left me a bit flabbergasted and confused. I want to say other things that would betray the author's identity, so I'll leave off there. Good job here, but, dear author, I'm still left a bit confused. But thank you for this.
The very title intimidates me. I can appreciate that this must be tackled only when ready for it.
Perhaps, to read Homer's Odyssey first - and that means quite the undertaking.
From wiki:
Quoting Ulysses (novel) - wiki
How Joyce was able to write this is beyond my comprehension.
Stream-of-consciousness passages are fascinating in small doses. I expect there would be a deliberate choice as to which character, when and why.
But I'd best leave this here. Thanks.
I appreciate your apology and I see you've made amends by changing it. So, forgiven for the almighty sin, you can now rise up, head held high!
Quoting ucarr
Please no more apologies, I can't take it. Really, the fault was mine in the ambiguity of my post.
Your attention, intentions and information are much appreciated.
Quoting ucarr
If there is a 'Yes' to knowing a helpful technique for this kind of transition, then I'd be pleased to hear it.
As things stand, I am blind, standing outside the Magic Circle, members holding close their secrets.
Do y'all have a special handshake?
Quoting ucarr
But not all have the inclination and that's fine. In the grand scheme of things... *shrugs*
'Let it be'. Moving on. Thanks again!
I appreciate this insight from an experienced writer and reader whose work and engagement is...
words fail me...and I can't reach my emoticons.
I wonder if this consciousness and balance can be taught or if it comes with experience.
Perhaps a bit of both and more...
Now best to move on, I think.
Good summation and you are not alone!
:up:
The Odyssey is great, but its not required for Ulysses. Joyce used it loosely as a convenient structure but its basically irrelevant, so Ive been told.
Anyway, the Odyssey is not hard, whereas I think Ulysses is.
OK, thanks.
yet amused! A Rabelaisian jaunt à la Molly Bloom's run-on stream-of-bawdiness. I'll take a leap here and say this story is about everything. All of it. The great cosmic piss-bag (writ small). Not as nada as Dada but, IMHO, more a fairytale told To an idiot signifying 'a fairytale told By an idiot signifying ...' "Red White and Blue". Eff if I know this interlude 'the tricolour' doesn't mean scheiße anymore to an American like me or is the author just pantomemeing a Lennonesque (sans
drawings)? :smirk:
Brilliant!
Quoting 180 Proof
@Tobias, I should have believed you - about the Dutch being at the bottom of it all!
@180 Proof Why doesn't the tricolour mean anything to you because you're 'Black and Blue' ( song link)
It has a strong meaning related to a fight for liberty, doesn't it?
But I have to say, I'm not a big fan of flags or flying them.
The tricolour flag:
So, not only the colours 'Red, White and Blue'. But still a symbol of power. To be used or abused.
Lennonesque? What did you have in mind?
Sorry, no need to respond. I meant to leave this thread. Going now!
This is it, the reader is plunged headfirst into the air, and the story. Flying high, looking down, both dream and as we see with "his" land and people, princely status. "Taxing trouble and toil", an alliterative prince's meaning of harvest time. "Merry Olde England", time and place succinctly established. This brief paragraph accomplishes a remarkable amount of background work.
The dream is ruptured, perhaps by a peckish dream-beak. More alliteration, culminating in failing: a regal, soaring god-prince? Not quite! The author's tone is quite playful, "what the actual dickens" indeed.
"Nadar", the "epitome"? Or the nadir? "handsome, spoiled brat Prince", a cookie cutter commonplace, to be used, twisted and exploited by the author. Speaking of, the prince is surely given an effeminate, classic "princess bed". "Night in white satin", where have I heard that line before?
The again alliterative Goodly goblin Gyvlak introduced just like that, a mere helper appearing in a mere helper clause of the sentence. This kind of incidental but rich detail (not merely a goblin, a goody, goodly goblin, with the curious cognomen, Gyvlak) supports the illusion that there is a rich world we are catching a glimpse of. A comatising spell, custom built. No mere spell of sleep, why just use language when you can play with it? Who are these commoners, penny-a-pint plotters? The serfdom, for whom life goes on, crisis notwithstanding? "deep in moody blues", ah, that is where I heard it!
Don't merely introduce Marianne, tell her role, additude, and action, all in 9 words. There is an economy and density of language. As in, "for as long as". "Possible" is 8 letters too long, "necessary" an exhorbitant 9. Away with them!. What could go wrong? A fever, thats what. No beating around the bush. "Hells Bells", another rock 'n roll anachronism, keeping perfectly with the piece's playful and rather rockin' spirit.
Introducing Nymphy Netja and "The Gobby One", or that is presumably Gyvlak?. Netja, the fever maker, offers no peace (but plenty of rest) for the wicked prince?
Admist dense and vivid prose, an abrupt flashback, introduced by more wordplay. A bead of sweat begins to form on the reader's brow.
Over and above beauty, artisry, etc, these are syncophants. Wonderful economy. Masked for what benefits, though? Anonymous trysts?
Alliteration is on overdrive , 3, then 5, followed by 3. The fiercely clever author can't contain themselves. I love "someone or other", it keeps the tone playful and easy. "Been there, done that", here in a land built upon tropes.
We observed the prince's subjective pov, followed by revelation of its objective reality (as only an author, pettiest of Gods, can provide): this is an otherworldly seduction, witnessed by the jealous Marianne.
Very bold, here we see what fate awaits becanopied princes, here in the author's fiefdom: they are exploited, transgressed, and not insignificantly, aroused. Just as the author exploits and transgresses the chestnut Fairy Tale, for their literary arousal, and perchance our own.
Weighed in, with a skull crushing silver tray, the maid rescues the prince. Seeing eye to eye, yes, and yes!
She, he, it? Not even "it", "Other", capital 'O'.
And a micro-poem, why not? The author is having too much fun with this.
And so concludes our twisted fairytale! But...
Wait, what? Flashback of a traumatic past?
Back to the prince's chamber, the prince turns out to be in the throes of a sleep paralysis of indefinite duration, inadvertantly inflicted by Goodly Gyvlak's "custom" spell. Just who is Netja??
Aspiring to be the prince's lover, she winds up his nursemaid, keeping him on life support with above all else, urine bags. Wineskin proto-catheters I suppose.
"entered by a back passage", as per prior intent?
Click? Talons on marble, the Other's true form?
A too-funny image!
Nafar? Who??
Blood and semen on royal, blue-blooded, blues?
The blood, dripping into "the golden cup" (which now? ) semes to awaken a kind of vampiric lust.
Hahaha, the prince couldn't be more hapless and ineffectual.
The Other, attempting to deflower the prince, got a golden shower in the mouth! Thrown by the prince??
Indeed! Whew, I'm exhausted, out of steam! Both by the critique and the demanding story itself. Ok, I admit I don't know what the hell happened in the last third. But I'm not the cleverest reader, and it doesn't matter. This was a dazzling debutante of a tale, RICH with wit, creativity, and style. There is raw talent just bursting out. A criminally underrated gem!
Oh, my giddy aunt! A real, Royal Prince dashing to the rescue. What's not to like?!
You are, I think, the 3rd luminary to do an Amity.
I agree with @180 Proof - top marks for such derring-do. Fuckin' Yay! +++
I'll attempt a response, even as I kill myself laughing. Transfixed and tripping over "Aha!" moments.
Quoting hypericin
Yes. And not so Merry for some. The people down below are dependent on the Princely for pay and tied accommodation. Basic provisions in exchange for hard, physical labour. Hell mend you if you fall ill.
No NHS. But 'Garlic, wine and oxgall for an eyesalve'. If you've the stomach, read on:
https://www.historyhit.com/facts-about-healthcare-in-the-middle-ages/
Quoting hypericin
Oh, good catch. A 'cookie cutter commonplace' - this alliteration thing is catching. Is there a cure?
Yes, perhaps exploited due to sheer laziness and incompetence. Descriptive powers fading...
A classic Sleeping Princess bed - what? A Prince can't have one?
In any case, I see this as sturdy, sexy, slippery, manly mahogany...did I mention seductive?
Quoting Noble Dust
***
Quoting hypericin
Male workers who, yes, carry on for the most part, stoically. But is there a plot afoot?
Who is there to lead them out of a depressed haze of beer, Sunday praise and prayer?
Perhaps Robin Hood, his band of brothers and his female companion?
What's her name again?
* breaking away from this breakneck rock'n'roll *
Quoting hypericin
Was her role only that of a maid? Why did she hold her nose? To avoid the smell of piss? Is something rotten in the state of Denmark? To care for royalty goes against the grain...but she took the money anyway. Was it for her or the poor?
Quoting hypericin
Yes, I think so. A feverish flashback to a time of lording it over others. The Grand Master of Ceremonies at the seasonal, masked ball where transactions and d/alliances were made.
Secret handshakes, a nod and a wink. No sweat until his bubble burst.
What kind of plans? Do we ever find out?
Quoting hypericin
How can you tell she is jealous? Is it just your imagination runnin' away with you?
Cue musical interlude:
Same title, different song.
***
Quoting hypericin
Sounds like the maid is quite the heavyweight. Physically strong enough to haul the prince to his feet, after presumably shifting dead weight 'Other' out of the way. A fantastic fairy tale?
Phew, this is hard going for what is supposed to be a day of rest. Later...
Qui sait? I've lost the plot and the will to live.
Is it Marianne having a flashback? And is now taking sweet revenge against the system after years of bodybuilding? or is it part of the Prince's nightmare? Taken to an alternate reality, the horror of the poor?
He's lived the sheltered life of the other half. Protected and privileged.
Has he now seen the light? What the dickens?!
Quoting hypericin
The nemesis of good goblin Gyvlak? But is the nymph really bad? or a mix?
Quoting hypericin
Hmm, could be... the sound of claws, the same big bird whose beak burst the hot air balloon?
Or visionary eyes clicking, taking images in camera.
Quoting hypericin
Ach, these furrin craturs cannae spik right. Who gives a duck?
Quoting hypericin
Yes, that sounds right. The mediaeval NHS with its magic potions, applied to wherever.
To cure (or harm) the Prince.
Quoting hypericin
Don't be so hard on Nadar. A nana'n'milk shakes and shapes him up for action. Look up!
Quoting hypericin
Aka Superman! Yay Fuckin' Yay! Or maybe not...
Quoting hypericin
Aw, giving up so soon? OK. *shrugs*
Quoting hypericin
What last third? Did I miss something...
Quoting hypericin
I have to agree and not the only one...
Glad that's over. Time to rest up, pardner. *rides off into the sunset*
Goblin mage and nymph witch warring for control of Nadar, proxy of the realm.
Maid Marianne put in place to serve and protect. Royal guard extraordinare. Kick ass Marrianne.
The phallus wielding siren in the prince's fever dream, the Other?
Nadar, so flat on his back, fevered, kissing... did it destroy the dream Marianne? Nadar can't marry the cop by parental decree.
There she is again, bleeding crimson by alchemical insanity of a clowned codpieced entity, threaded to you know who. No you don't.
A world seething and bending under the rainbow rods of sorcery and their cardinal colors of red, white and blue.
Too loo too loo, sweet prince. No more piss bags. Mother bless, Marriane. Kick ass cop and wet nurse.
Alors! Bien joué, mon petit choux!
I think you just passed the Rorshach Test with flying colours - Red, White and Blue!
Your word and thoughts so poetically and yet logically aligned. L'arte magnifique!
Quoting Nils Loc
You have the magic, mon ami.
Quoting Nils Loc
And having great fun with it!
Quoting Nils Loc
Un résumé royal. You rock'n'rule.
[ ] Fuckin' Yay, yay, yay +++
Liberté, égalité, fraternité !!!
I'll run through some of the comments and then try to explain what happened to my brain.
First off the mark:
Quoting javi2541997
Glad you enjoyed it. Though some don't agree with its ease or meditative quality!
***
Quoting Benkei
Loved the underlined. It's good to be disgusted, but it depends on the quality of the writing and how the reader interprets it. I hadn't noticed all the alliteration but when I read it over again you're right. Even though @hypericin rocked and rolled with them!
I understand the confusion and you are not alone.
***
Quoting Tobias
An interesting pick of references. Being picky about the silly. Perhaps a question of not seeing the wood for the trees? Below @Baden talks about not worrying about the details.
***
Quoting Baden
You are my inspiration, O Baden! Though I've never heard of Coover. It fascinates me just how often in this Event, a story reminds someone of another writer. In the style of...without necessarily explaining what it is that triggers the response. Glad you enjoyed it.
***
Quoting Baden
This is it. Flying high. I could hardly believe my eyes when I read this. Still have to pinch myself.
Thank you. I had a ball when I wrote it but wasn't at all sure that I should submit.
@180 Proof helped me decide. Major thanks to him. Also to @javi2541997 who kickstarted the process.
***
Quoting Jack Cummins
Glad it was trippy for you! I think you're right about the potential for the end to be a beginning.
***
Quoting hypericin
Ah, nothing quite like the smell of Transgression First Thing In The Morning.
That said, this continuing confusion is what led me to respond, after 3 -4 days of keeping shtum.
I simply couldn't keep away and anyway @Amity always has her say.
Oh, but as a comedic fantasy writer...hmm...
***
Quoting Amity
And then all hell let loose regarding the Title and flags, (national) identity and political influences.
All good stuff. The 'Red, White and Blue' can be seen as a symbol of freedom/power.
***
Quoting Amity
Follow the dream. An important part of the scene. That was supposed to be a hint. Never mind.
***
Quoting ucarr
Thanks for that. I admit to less than a full understanding but it might come in useful when I come to explain my brain burst. Loosey, goosey. Cool!
Thanks for Molly, good golly! Can I say that?
***
Quoting 180 Proof
OMG - OTT or what. But I love it!
***
And then...there's simply too much to take in. Simply overwhelming.
I've said it all in my response but this I didn't expect in all my wildest dreams.
I feel so privileged that you spent so much time and effort with Red, White and Blue.
Your wonderful words to be saved and savoured forever. Thank you!
***
A fabulous ending. It lifted my spirits. Also, it raises questions of who is considered a hero or heroine. When, why and how his-stories influence us. Who writes them, for what purpose.
And so on.
That's it for today. All will become clear...later! (maybe).
Congrats on your first entry! And we have a trademark Amity analysis of people's analysis of her own story. :razz: Love it.
Thanks for sharing your (joy of words - in French) with us, my friend. :flower: :sparkle:
This story came out of the blue. Coincidentally at the same time as the Event.
The Writing Process. This has always intrigued me. So glad @hypericin started the thread:
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/14602/literary-writing-process
We can read posters' insights into just how much planning or otherwise is involved.
A flexible, fly-by-the-pants-of-a-sentence kind compared to a fixed intent, logical, linear type.
Sometimes a bit of both.
It won't come as a surprise to learn that when writing Red, White and Blue, I had no clue!
Some described it as a 'stream of consciousness'. I'm not sure this is correct. From wiki:
My story was not planned and I had no idea of using any such 'literary device'.
So many ideas were fast-moving and quite mental. Difficult to pin down; exhausting yet exhilarating.
What were they and where did they come from?
First, the Masculinity thread where questions were asked about gender identity/dysphoria, patriarchy and feminism. The 'lost' women philosophers of Pragmatism. Structural inequalities.
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/14427/masculinity/p1
Then, Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver who was inspired by the Charles Dickens novel David Copperfield. This time the boy born into poverty is set in Appalachia. Kingsolver explores issues like drug addiction, identity and systemic institutional failures. Injustice related to power and exploitation.
On a lighter note, the masked ball interlude was inspired by a Bridgerton Regency Romance!
So, what could be easier than an inversion of Sleeping Beauty?
I had no message in mind, no great intention, only a beginning.
Perhaps issues of good v bad. Are they so absolute? Like female v male? Freedom and power.
The Prince's dream transitions were an attempt to follow @hypericin's micro, 'Three Shittyassed Ghosts' - ( again, Dickens - A Christmas Carol, a tale of spiritual redemption).
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/13720/three-shittyass-ghosts-by-hypericin/p1
[Also the shower scene technique in @180 Proof's 'Felice', flowing from present to past.
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/12322/felice-by-180-proof ]
Well, I tried...partially successful but still confusing. Still searching for the magic trick!
***
The Nightmare Flashback, an alternate reality, designed to shock Nadar to a new awareness:
From 'After Sappho' by Shelby Wynn Schwartz, p20. Related to Article 544 of the Italian Penal Code.
She was 15. Brutally raped and then forced to live with her rapist and have his child.
This left a deep impression, just like other vignettes related to The Patria Potestas, p25.
***
Nearly forgot... the hysterical Prince's pissy fit. Inspired by @Baden's
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/12323/a-cross-for-maria-by-baden/p1
The Other, a fun character, popped out from: "Is she he, it, the Other dead?"
I had thought of having 2 vying females, but way too much of a cliché. Initially conceived of as a malignant force, the being's only interest or vision was to change the system, the world and everything. Maybe a bit of whatever with Maid Marianne on the side. Such chemistry. Red, white on blue.
Quoting Noble Dust
Quoting Poetry Foundation - To a Mouse by Robert Burns
There you have it. All I can think of, right now. If there are any other questions, fire away!
How thoughts seem to flow through the conscious, or unconscious...
So, any suggestions as to how the story could be improved to lessen the confusion?
To better signal the transition points?
Would having an outline have helped? Or what? I'm curious...
I do recognize something... Yes. Missing the trees for the forest, might well be, It seemed so many trees were there. Thanks for the explanation Amity. Glittering and :sparkle: similarities and dissimilarities. Cheers!
Aye. Yes. The touch and feel of a stand-out tree. I can see how that would work for you.
Quoting Tobias
My pleasure.
I look forward to hearing more from you...
How you worked your magic in The Museum?
One thing which I am wondering about is the connection between the story and its idea of the 'other' and your poem. However, I am not suggesting that it is about gender necessarily but possibly about uniqueness and the nature of identity itself.
The whole idea of 'otherness' is about the distinctions of difference and how this arises in relation to the sexual aspects of experiences and how these impact on the construction of human identity in relation to others. Fairy tales may depict this and your chosen form based on this is a basis for constructing this narrative in a way of stripping back to the core archetypal aspects of gender and sexuality.
Lovin' the wondrin'!
Sempre was written before the story. Both include gender issues and reflections on identity.
How society, family and culture can form and sway what or who we think we are or can be.
What does it say about 'heroism' and courage to step beyond the boundaries.
Quoting Jack Cummins
The Other and its role in Red, White and Blue was not planned. Strange how the mind works when it is let loose. The sexual aspect and the interaction I hadn't thought to play with. But that was fun!
It surprised me when I chose the fairy tale but much easier to invert/convert Disney than Dickens.
That reminds me. The character in Kingsolver's novel Demon Copperhead was 'saved' by his own burgeoning talent to draw cartoons of local heroes. Complete with Capows to Capitalism!
Reading and writing stories can have a major impact on people. However, the visual seems to be more attractive and all kinds of everything can be read into them or specifically manipulated.
Right now, I can't get the image of The Orange Person's Mug Shot out of my mind.
Or others making the headlines. That Kiss. It underlined issues of sexism, feminism, patriarchy and inequalities discussed in the 'Masculinity' thread.
Quoting Jenni Hermosa speaks out -The Guardian
Perhaps, that is the kind of courage that ordinary people can show.
Against the powerful and privileged who think they can do anything they damned well like.
Under the cover of so-called patriotism.
The colours of a flag can give a sense of pride and identity.
These are important but can be too narrow and small-minded. Symbols of power manipulated.
Fairy tales of heroism. Capow!
The relationship between the visual and writing is so important and it is as if they come from different places. However, they crossover and complement each other.
Personally, I used to spend so much time doing visual art, mainly drawing. However, I start to discover that writing is important because it can capture what can't be expressed in images alone. Nevertheless, this year as I was recovering from a broken elbow I have started drawing again and find that it is another category of expression.
What I see as an interesting possibility is the use of visual art and writing to be a complementary process of exploration, with using both to aid the other. The symbols may get to the aesthetic dimension, like drawing or painting in words and the conceptual intricacy can become a basis for developing narrative and reflective understanding. The conceptual aspects of understanding symbols can also enable understanding of social and political dimensions of experience.
Yes. I agree. I've enjoyed the inclusion of images in the stories and poems.
Mayhaps, all of a sudden you're wearing lipstick and high heels and it wasn't you. Your former wardrobe has been replaced and your family jewels have evolved. But you shouldn't worry, it's just fall out from the sorcerers' war.
Gyvlak, Netja, for the love of peace and reason, reign it in. Ukraine could use your combined services to lock away the evil romantic sumasshedshiy, Vmir RasPutin.
:joke: :party:
I love this. Everything about it. Thank you. Again. For your sheer brilliance.
Quoting Nils Loc
Now I know who to blame. I almost forgot about Gyvlak and Netja. How could I?!
Quoting Nils Loc
Ah, Red, White and Blue II - The Next Generation.
The novel with @Nils Loc as illustrator. Now, about character descriptions...
Who might play the parts of G&N in the film?
Rythmically creative, and lyrically sound. The bounce between formal and casual stylstics seemed to be precise as well; not always landing its mark but definitely chosen with a level of rigor and intent, which sets a very exciting precedent.
I wish I could replicate even one iota of your analytical ability, as I and many others have had the pleasure of experiencing, however I fear given my time constraint this is all I have to offer.
I promise to revisit this later in hopes that I could present a critique that would mirror what you've done for the community.