The Body of Music by ucarr

Wow! amazing! this poem is metaphysical. I enjoyed it. Kudos to the author. When the names will be published, I want to know from the author if he/she used the "haibun" system to write this.

happiness of realizing that one has one's own consciousness.

This rings true, but for some the opposite.

This is just my take on the philosophy of the poem.

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The preamble was unnecessary... the poem stands on its own, it needs no explanaiton before one reads it.

I liked it. The poem has a good point, and it communicates it well.

The meter is all over the place and it reads a bit like a first draft as a result. I think this needs a few more iterations. Luckily I read the comments first and therefore didn't read the argument before the poem. I think the argument detracts from the poem. Let our imagination do the work, even if we do get it wrong, the poem is to me a medium for sharing experience and not necessarily understanding. The language is a bit archaic as if replacing the biblical genesis story. So I interpreted as such. Then it reads like a humanist counterpoint but I'm left wondering about the place of "strife and struggle", which raises the spectre of war.

I liked this. I've written similar poems where it appears that some logical point is being made in an arcane way that's perhaps not logical, and this ends up being presented in a form that is ironically poetic in it's feigned attempt at being logical. I'm not sure if that was the intent, but I like this sort of thing. For me it pokes fun at the idea that logic is the basis for thought. Again, that probably wasn't the intent, but that's how I read it.

Quoting Benkei

The meter is all over the place and it reads a bit like a first draft as a result. I think this needs a few more iterations.

I don't find this to be the case at all. It's free verse. And the language is very sparse and pointillistic which suggests to me that it's nowhere close to being a first draft. Different strokes and all that.

I, like others. found 'The Argument' felt contrived and did not form a whole poem with 'The Poem'. The ideas in 'The Poem' came across as too romantically one-dimensional to be a satisfying definition of poetry for me.

That said, the music, the rhythm, of 'The Poem', taken on its own, worked for me.

This has to have been written by an alien.
I suppose I have to give it an OK.
"It's OK"-ish.

I like poems with imagery. I think the purpose of poetry is to allow readers to participate in the experience of the poet. Imagery really helps.

Too many poems here among us philosophical lot are concrete. They feel like they were built of Legos or bricks. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Yours is more lyrical, which I like.

Quoting T Clark

I like poems with imagery. I think the purpose of poetry is to allow readers to participate in the experience of the poet. Imagery really helps.

Too many poems here among us philosophical lot are concrete. They feel like they were built of Legos or bricks. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Yours is more lyrical, which I like.

Well said, friend! :up:

Reply to javi2541997
Looks like a re-read is in order, for me. I must not have had my vibes turned on...

Quoting javi2541997

I want to know from the author if he/she used the "haibun" system to write this.

Well, if anyone knows you should! Aren't you the expert?
What's the haibun system?

Quoting Noble Dust

it appears that some logical point is being made in an arcane way that's perhaps not logical, and this ends up being presented in a form that is ironically poetic in it's feigned attempt at being logical. I'm not sure if that was the intent, but I like this sort of thing. For me it pokes fun at the idea that logic is the basis for thought. Again, that probably wasn't the intent, but that's how I read it.

Well, I never thought of it that way...interesting...I had an AI vibe when I read it.
Strange but true.

Quoting Amity

What's the haibun system?

The haibun is composed in two important parts in a same short story: narrative + a haiku in the ending. Most of the Haibun are used to give a "context" (using a short story usually) for the haiku that the author is thinking about. Instead of catching the moment in a poem of three verses, there is also a narrative of such moment.

Sorry if I explain myself so terribly and maybe I didn't explain it very well...

Quoting javi2541997

Sorry if I explain myself so terribly and maybe I didn't explain it very well...

No, you explained that very well. I think I read about haibun a long time ago and forgot!
I remember it now as having 2-parts: the first part being the story and the haiku as a kind of summary at the end. I seem also to recall a photograph or picture + haiku.

It's a shame how the brain deteriorates.
Thanks again for all your help!

The Body of Music

A 2-part poem.
1. The Argument
2. The Poem

Here's one interpretation. It required thought in an attempt to understand what looked like a logical progression. But in poetic form. Did this work? Did it give me a musical hit? Not really.
But perhaps that wasn't the poet's intention, if any. It was a simple sharing.

1. Four lines concerning music as a body, including objective material and subjective mentality.
The beautiful thought from the physical body is the basis of poetry and music.
Music is a graceful movement of the body, soul and spirit.
Listening to music and poetry is instrumental, in moving the mind.

There is some kind of logic to this. It's life Jim but not as we know it. A strange composition.
Feels fake or at least contrived.

2. The Poem

This is the spiritual or metaphysical counterpoint to The Argument.
Will I hear the music, feel the rhythm, sense the soul of the poet?
Not really. For me, it has too much of an authoritative Biblical feel or religious zeal to it.
But I'll give it a go...

An attempt at poetic persuasion, a response to The Argument.
A philosophical exhortation to listen to and sing the wise, ancient songs.
Know yourself and your place in the Cosmos. Through inner and outer struggles of self.
Hear the still, sad music of Eternity but be of good cheer.
To see you through...keep a sense of perspective.

We have to be still to listen and dance to the music. Mentally and physically in the moment.
Feeling the rhythm of life and death.
I think that's it. It's a meditation.
That makes more sense to me.
Now did I think or feel my way through that?
Probably a bit of both.

***

An interesting experience. No matter who designed and wrote it...

This poem is an ode to music, in a classic sense. Should I mention Thomas Gray?
I enjoyed it because it's a bold attempt to write in this style.

Reply to Caldwell I was thinking of that word exactly when I read the poem the first time. I thought on a "haibun" but you are right. It is an Ode to the music!

Quoting Caldwell

This poem is an ode to music, in a classic sense. Should I mention Thomas Gray?
I enjoyed it because it's a bold attempt to write in this style.

This kind of knowledge and sharing enlightens the ignorant, such as myself. Thank you @Caldwell.
[s]I see it now[/s] *
Not 'written by an alien' ( my first response) but by something/one foreign to me. Strange and unfamiliar.
Glad to have learned something, this Literary Event is so worthwhile.

* Edit: I still have lingering suspicions that ChatGPT is involved...

And looking up Thomas Gray - I prefer this more light-hearted poem. An interesting analysis:

https://interestingliterature.com/2017/11/a-short-analysis-of-thomas-grays-ode-on-the-death-of-a-favourite-cat-drowned-in-a-tub-of-goldfishes/

Poems about Music.

Quoting Interesting literature - 10 of the Best Poems about Music

Music and poetry were once natural bedfellows, with many ‘poems’ being sung to music for entertainment at feasts and royal courts, or in local taverns. If, as Walter Pater said, all art constantly aspires towards the condition of music, then it’s little surprise that so many poets have tried to write poetry that is ‘musical’ in some sense. Here are ten of the best poems about music, song, dance, instruments, and the like.

I scrolled down to the end, and felt an instant attraction to this. It sang to me.

Elizabeth Bishop, ‘I Am in Need of Music’. This sonnet by one of the twentieth century’s greatest American poets reflects on the ‘magic made by melody’, the healing power that music has over our emotions. The imagery in the sonnet’s closing sestet is like a visual description of the sensual power of music, which at its best seems to transcend the traditional senses.

Quoting All Poetry I Am In Need Of Music by Elizabeth Bishop

I Am In Need Of Music

I am in need of music that would flow
Over my fretful, feeling fingertips,
Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips,
With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow.
Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low,
Of some song sung to rest the tired dead,
A song to fall like water on my head,
And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow!

There is a magic made by melody:
A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool
Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep
To the subaqueous stillness of the sea,
And floats forever in a moon-green pool,
Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.

What is 10 of the Best of anything? A Conclusion? - or, in my case, a start to further exploration.

I see it as a conceptual poem but it does incorporate images as well. I like it for being a philosophy poem, especially about the birth of music. After all, poems and music are connected in the form of lyrics and I find that this poem stands out in a way which I find distinct and memorable.

it's quite beautiful and profound.
I'm just not convinced that it's a poem.

@ucarr

This expression works for me – intrigues me – as a mandala but not as a poem. 'Cosmos as Incarnation of Song' (à la the Ainulindalë) – yet the score alone. Like metaphysics (or theology)?

Reply to 180 Proof

Thanks for the reference.

:up: