The Moon Is Broken by Jack Cummins
Danny Daysleeper is watching a vintage television programme of 70s glam rock. His girlfriend, Emily, is asleep on the sofa. Danny sees a newsflash on the TV screen,
'Strange, unprecedented solar activity has occurred within the vicinity of the moon. The effects on earth are uncertain, but may be catastrophic. We will keep you updated, as far as possible.'
Danny jumps up from the armchair and taps Emily on the shoulder,
'You need to wake up, darling. Something is happening to the moon.'
'What do you mean, something is happening to the moon?'she says, blinking her pale blue eyes, as the newsflash continues to shows, and she shivers.
'I really don't know what to think. We might as well get drunk', Danny replies, opening a bottle of wine.
They drink in startled silence for a few moments and Emily says,
'I bet it's an exaggeration; or fake news.'
'I am not so sure. It may be the end of the world'.
'Don't talk such religious nonsense, ' she snaps.
'But it may be real and even tie in with the prophecies of Nostradamus and the end of the Mayan calendar.'
'Nothing happened in 1999 or 2012. It is mythic nonsense, just like the legend of Atlantis.'
The screen and all the lights blackout. Danny shouts,
'But look what is happening. It is not normal.'
'Power cuts are normal.'
'But this isn't . It is shit serious', Danny replies, as he tries to switch on his phone, without any success.
'It does seem extraordinary. Do you think it is the truth, or nuclear war', Emily says.
'It is hard to know what is what anymore. We don't even know the truth of the origins of Covid.'
Danny can only see Emily faintly in the strange mixture of light and dark. He reaches out and feels her hand somehow. Everything seems to be swerving and the rain seems to rise up from the puddles. Perhaps, the law of gravity is affected. The dog is in a state of anxiety and starting to walk backwards Danny supports Emily, who is stumbling, with lack of coordination. He embraces her, saying,
'If this is the end, I will miss you more than I can say.'
'Don't speak of the end. You've listened to the Doors too much for your own good. The moon affects menstrual cycles. I hope that doesn't mean that periods get messed up and women bleed to death.'
Danny is shaking and manages to guide Emily back indoors amidst a chaos of dark light. Emily lies down, and Danny lies beside her. Danny is petrified, thinking, who knows what is coming next. Is it the end of the world, or the end of time? He drifts into the oblivion of sleep. Outside, in the sky, the moon has split apart, like two teardrops, falling further apart. This can only be seen in the glitter of light and darkness, between night and day, as people of the world watch in horror, on the brink of complete unknowing.
'Strange, unprecedented solar activity has occurred within the vicinity of the moon. The effects on earth are uncertain, but may be catastrophic. We will keep you updated, as far as possible.'
Danny jumps up from the armchair and taps Emily on the shoulder,
'You need to wake up, darling. Something is happening to the moon.'
'What do you mean, something is happening to the moon?'she says, blinking her pale blue eyes, as the newsflash continues to shows, and she shivers.
'I really don't know what to think. We might as well get drunk', Danny replies, opening a bottle of wine.
They drink in startled silence for a few moments and Emily says,
'I bet it's an exaggeration; or fake news.'
'I am not so sure. It may be the end of the world'.
'Don't talk such religious nonsense, ' she snaps.
'But it may be real and even tie in with the prophecies of Nostradamus and the end of the Mayan calendar.'
'Nothing happened in 1999 or 2012. It is mythic nonsense, just like the legend of Atlantis.'
The screen and all the lights blackout. Danny shouts,
'But look what is happening. It is not normal.'
'Power cuts are normal.'
'But this isn't . It is shit serious', Danny replies, as he tries to switch on his phone, without any success.
'It does seem extraordinary. Do you think it is the truth, or nuclear war', Emily says.
'It is hard to know what is what anymore. We don't even know the truth of the origins of Covid.'
Danny can only see Emily faintly in the strange mixture of light and dark. He reaches out and feels her hand somehow. Everything seems to be swerving and the rain seems to rise up from the puddles. Perhaps, the law of gravity is affected. The dog is in a state of anxiety and starting to walk backwards Danny supports Emily, who is stumbling, with lack of coordination. He embraces her, saying,
'If this is the end, I will miss you more than I can say.'
'Don't speak of the end. You've listened to the Doors too much for your own good. The moon affects menstrual cycles. I hope that doesn't mean that periods get messed up and women bleed to death.'
Danny is shaking and manages to guide Emily back indoors amidst a chaos of dark light. Emily lies down, and Danny lies beside her. Danny is petrified, thinking, who knows what is coming next. Is it the end of the world, or the end of time? He drifts into the oblivion of sleep. Outside, in the sky, the moon has split apart, like two teardrops, falling further apart. This can only be seen in the glitter of light and darkness, between night and day, as people of the world watch in horror, on the brink of complete unknowing.
Comments (30)
The author weaves an intriguing plot that captivates the reader's attention from the outset. The narrative unfolds with a unique premise, showcasing the author's creativity. The exploration of themes and the development of the central idea are commendable, offering readers a thought-provoking experience. However, one can't help but feel a longing for more dynamic interactions between the characters. While the plot is compelling, the story could benefit from enhanced character dynamics to inject a deeper sense of engagement. The characters, though well-conceived, seem to operate within individual spheres, and the narrative lacks the vibrant interplay that could bring them to life. I miss a more detailed information about Danny and Emile. I think their presence is short-lived although the great connection among them.
"The Moon is Broken" promises a stimulating journey, If only the author gave more importance to the characters. Good job, by the way!
It was real to me.
Quoting Noble Dust
What is up with this round of stories and shit?
Quoting Noble Dust
So the moon is literally broken. Well, they are right, it really is the end of the world.
I enjoyed the plot, very cool Sci-fi story, but the writing is not quite my taste. 7/10.
It's Mayan prophecies and period fears for a couple of naive anybodies, in a world turning upside down or inside out because the sun is teasing the moon a part.
I like the poetic quality of the ending sentence:
"Outside, in the sky, the moon has split apart, like two teardrops, falling further apart. This can only be seen in the glitter of light and darkness, between night and day, as people of the world watch in horror, on the brink of complete unknowing."
:up:
I love the simplicity of this story well imagined and told. And it's short. The ordinary turned extraordinary in a wild stroke of creativity.
A great introduction to Danny Daydream who loves his music. The girlfriend Emily isn't impressed. She sleeps through glam rock and is critical of his love for the Doors. How compatible are they?
I checked out David Bowie for a piece of shiny lunar rock and found:
Moonage Daydream (Lyrics)
and again something I haven't watched but no doubt Danny Daydream has:
American director Brett Morgens kaleidoscopic collage of David Bowies life is a dazzling mashup of elegy, celebration and intimate portrait
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2022/sep/18/moonage-daydream-review-david-bowie-documentary-brett-morgen
***
The dialogue inner and outer is seamless. The flow from serious to hilarious is perfect. The characters are described with just enough detail through different levels of interaction.
Quoting Noble Dust
The romantic action of Danny's 'last words' is cut short by Emily who has more practical and personal concerns. Her very own end of the world.
Now lying down together in the oblivion of sleep, helped along by a bottle of wine. There is silence.
We can see them lying side by side. Perhaps mirroring the two teardrops. The mix of sun and moon.
Quoting Noble Dust
A beautiful unknowing end. Even if some look on in horror.
Thank you and Congratulations. 5.
The star of the show, however, is the voice, not the action. Readers have a choice between satiric, quirky-funny and apocalyptic.
In response, instead of looking for a flashlight and getting Fido to the vet, dude calls it a day and gets some well needed shut eye.
And if the gravity made the water rise, why weren't they floating about like spacemen? Their explanation just didn't make sense. Does lack of sun for 15 seconds make people stupid? I mean surely they've dealt with the sun going down at least once before.
If there is a Darwin, I hope he eliminates this absurd couple first.
The dog walking backwards was actually my favorite part. Like, look how fucked up things are, the dog is running ass first, I'm fucking going to bed.
I enjoyed it.
Well though the writer likely didn't think of it like that, you could ask the same thing about clouds on the sky right now :sweat:
Unfortunately, this stopped in my tracks before I was properly started. How does solar activity get to the moon's vicinity?
If the moon had been smashed by an asteroid or nuclear strike or something plausible, I would have appreciated the end-of-the-world scenario a whole lot more. The changes on Earth wouldn't happen suddenly all at once, but over some period of time, depending on the decay of the moon's orbit. Big disasters, starting with a shower of rocks, as in the THING story, change in tides, axis tilt... a cascade of really bad events, among which menstrual cycle would be the least of our concerns.
But I like how their mundane immediate reference points intrude on the big picture: this is how minds actually work.
This is well observed; I think I noticed this implicitly but couldn't put my finger on it. But I found the story weirdly funny even though it's about a disaster, and I think this is why. Kudos to the author on this. The style here is odd to me, but I think it's growing on me. Not that I know what I'm talking about, but the narrative structure is odd, maybe a bit surreal but in a different way than I'm used to. It felt disjointed to me at first but it's grown on me on subsequent reads. I want to say more but will save it until after the authors are revealed so as not to give hints.
One time, I saw the severed arm of someone who jumped under a subway train. There were several injuries, including skinned knuckles. My immediate reaction was : "Gee, that must have hurt!" It was the only thing in the whole situation with which I could identify.
Too big. Can't cope. Retreat to what you understand.
I think the author has shown that very well here.
That's pretty wild.
Yes! There's more to be explored here.
Quoting Benkei
There's not much about this story that suggests any pre-occupation with scientific veracity, though, is there? That's not important to the story in how it's told and what the author chooses to tell us about what's happening. It's clearly not important to the author.
No, but as it came so early in the story, it was a definite mind-snag that hampered one's reading.
The characters were cartoonishly banal. Maybe that was the point, a contrast to the enormity of the event, but they were kind of annoying.
That's a fair point, I think I probably had the same mind-snag initially.
:up:
I normally try to comment without reading the other comments so as mine is untainted by others, but I believe in skimming down to the bottom of the comment field I read something about "lack of character development" which I would agree but then again sometimes the lack of background knowledge can make a story all the better. Also, it's rather easy to invoke a sense of greater depth by simply incorporating things such as life and death and the end of the world into a plot with little effort.
It'd be nice if some problem or perspective was either resolved or cast into different light, even if their relationship exponentially deepened or changed instead of the blase summary that is "I was watching TV, not knowing what was going on, some weird crap happened, and now we still don't know what's going on. The end."
Not a bad read if nothing else.
There is some sentimentality to the way they were -- ".
A longer version of this writing and the author could have captured more sentiments and intimacy. There is nothing else the couple could do -- it's bigger than themselves.
But I like how the story didn't have to explain much in the way of ending the world. The moon breaking provides enough background so that the author has more free time to develop the two humans into a tragic and doomed situation. (This is somewhat lacking)
I am in the majority of votes -- I gave it a 3.
Score to date is 47 -- it ties with The Story of Thing.
I agree, but on re-reading I like how short and weird it is. This one has really grown on me.
I think extending the story, play into the absurd contradictionary point of views between the main characters and expand the events that happens in more detail and visually descriptive quality. Play around further, theres enough as a premise to make some both funny and profound explorations through this and it felt like it was abandoned prematurely. Another pass, some further extension of it all might have granted it much more weight. Details about physics and stuff is irrelevant, its the emotions around what happens thats important.
I like absurdity, so I'd stretch it. If you explain it, you'll leave absurdity and turn it into science fiction.
Like you have a dog that walks backwards, which was a good introduction for a series of more absurdities, like how he has to step backwards over his food bowl to get his mouth where it needs to be, or how he mule kicks things to fight them off. I'd keep coming back to that over and over.
I mean that scene really captured something truly absurd, but I'd like to have heard how it all played out. And then once you think you've created enough absurdities, do it some more so that it will be completely off the rails, leaving your reader not only wondering what he just read, but, more importantly, why he just spent his time reading it.
The actual basis for the story was a dreak which I had a couple of months ago about the moon being broken. I saw the dream as being significant as a symbol of my own sense of brokenness and of the chaotic conflicts throughout the world. In some ways, it may have worked better as a painting. However, I chose to create it into a short story and created the characters to try to overcome my tendency to focus on my own life.
As@Noble Dust pointed out there is a dry, surreal sense of humour. In real life, I sometimes feel that people are a bit puzzled by my sense of humour unless they know me well, as my perspective is of seeing tragicomedy. The piece was intended to be short and wierd, a bit like me. As @Hanover pointed out the story could be helped by further development and I don't see it as finished. It I chose to develop it further as a longer piece, this would be a possible beginning scene for apocalyptic scenario or a transition for the characters and a possible new, alternate world or parallel universe.
Thank you for the explanation. I've followed all your stories and this one, as you say, is a departure.
Well done for moving on. I enjoyed it and loved the characters.
Quoting Jack Cummins
Yes. Do it. What about including illustrations. Your art work combined. A graphic story :chin:
I am glad that you appreciate an attempt to move on. I wish to develop my writing and I would like to write a novel at some point, if life doesn't get in the way. I am constantly looking forward quiet corners to read and write. I have found a supportive art group and creative writing group which helps.
Ultimately, I would like to combine art and writing. I have met someone who does design comics, blending his writing and drawings. The only trouble is I have to admit that comics have never appealed to me that much. Also, so much in art and illustration is computer based. I thought of studying art but was put off by the reliance on computer graphics.That was why I went off in a philosophical direction of studying instead. In art groups, I sometimes write something philosophical within drawings.
Best wishes to you in your own creative quest!