a really bad sci fi short story I wrote
The Estuary Of The Heavenly River
Shang Zhu was barely a kilometer away from the ruins when his heads up display began displaying noticeable static interference. He looked at his partner, Xi, and wondered if she had noticed it as well. They were both wearing the latest lunar EVA ecscursion suits, dark grey with a solid yet snugly fit torso piece, with almost skin tight limbs reaching down to both the fingers and the toes. The soles of their feet had a black rubber shoe bottoms, and their neck was also covered in almost skin tight fabric, reaching up where their jaw met their skull. Their helmets were a lighter shade of grey, with a single black stripe stretching from their goggles to where the back of their skull made contact with their neck. A large hose connected the side of their helmets to the back of their torso piece. "Well, there it is." Xi said, unenthusaistically. "We better get going. No point in just standing around." She continued. Although they had been observed from lunar orbit numerous times, this was the first ground expidition to fully document the ruins up close.
As they approached, the status interferience Shang had noticed earlier not only stopped, but the opposite seemed to be happening- He could somehow see better than he had ever seen before in his life. The ruins' components now seemed to be clear: They vaguely resembled ancient Greek architecture, namely the pantheon, but they were clearly different from it. It had already been determed that the ruins were larger than Ankgor Wat; but not by much. As the pair moved into the ruins themselves, what had until then only been a creeping possibility became clear: The ruins had not been built by life. not only was their construction not possible using any form of engineering or arcitecture, but the geometry of the ruins was not even mathematically valid. Nothing living could have built this. it was now obvious that whatever built these ruins was not alive; nor was it inantimate matter. It was something else. It was something that was a whole new concept, something we have no words for. Whatever it was, It could be from the other side of the universe for all we know, or in a nearby star system. whichever, it was clear that the universe was waiting.
Shang Zhu was barely a kilometer away from the ruins when his heads up display began displaying noticeable static interference. He looked at his partner, Xi, and wondered if she had noticed it as well. They were both wearing the latest lunar EVA ecscursion suits, dark grey with a solid yet snugly fit torso piece, with almost skin tight limbs reaching down to both the fingers and the toes. The soles of their feet had a black rubber shoe bottoms, and their neck was also covered in almost skin tight fabric, reaching up where their jaw met their skull. Their helmets were a lighter shade of grey, with a single black stripe stretching from their goggles to where the back of their skull made contact with their neck. A large hose connected the side of their helmets to the back of their torso piece. "Well, there it is." Xi said, unenthusaistically. "We better get going. No point in just standing around." She continued. Although they had been observed from lunar orbit numerous times, this was the first ground expidition to fully document the ruins up close.
As they approached, the status interferience Shang had noticed earlier not only stopped, but the opposite seemed to be happening- He could somehow see better than he had ever seen before in his life. The ruins' components now seemed to be clear: They vaguely resembled ancient Greek architecture, namely the pantheon, but they were clearly different from it. It had already been determed that the ruins were larger than Ankgor Wat; but not by much. As the pair moved into the ruins themselves, what had until then only been a creeping possibility became clear: The ruins had not been built by life. not only was their construction not possible using any form of engineering or arcitecture, but the geometry of the ruins was not even mathematically valid. Nothing living could have built this. it was now obvious that whatever built these ruins was not alive; nor was it inantimate matter. It was something else. It was something that was a whole new concept, something we have no words for. Whatever it was, It could be from the other side of the universe for all we know, or in a nearby star system. whichever, it was clear that the universe was waiting.
Comments (3)
Not using any form, known to humans. It has to have been valid to whatever built it, even if it constructed itself.
Quoting an-salad
Is there anything in between those two?
Quoting an-salad
And here we have the SciFi writers nightmare, making up something believable to explain the new concept.
Are you looking for constructive feedback on structure to make the prose stronger?