Nightscapes by Vera Mont

Noble Dust December 16, 2024 at 17:35 225 views 39 comments
Burgess Connor was a man of moderate passions and few pretensions. Large, soft and quiet, he minded his own business, avoided confrontation and kept a low profile. He made a comfortable living as a mid-level statistician in a government department; in his off hours, his favourite pastime was aimless wandering on city streets. Every area he walked had its own character and mood, changing with the seasons and from day to night. He took no photographs or notes; he never spoke about his observations.

The one peculiarity that his colleagues remarked upon was his retentive mind. Quotations, proverbs, song lyrics and cliches stuck to him indiscriminately, so that his conversation often seemed not to be his at all, but a patchwork of familiar phrases. Burgess himself seemed oblivious to the fact that he often said them to himself.

On his way to the water-cooler, he might chant under his breath, “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,”; entering the lunchroom, he could be heard to mumble, “Give us this day our daily bread...” While poring over a chart that failed to accord perfectly with the reported figures for that quarter, he muttered, “It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge”.
Burgess Connor did not recall or care where he had learned those lines, nor did he realize how soon he would find himself in the Twilight Zone.

That evening, he was walking late at night in an unfamiliar neighbourhood. A poor one, by all indications: shops had dusty, resigned-looking merchandise behind caged fronts. The only ones still open were an adult video store, its windows papered over with posters of improbably proportioned women in various states of undress and a mini mart, its neon marquee advertising Bee Sp rits Smo es; a sign on its door read “No Cash on Premises”. Maybe so, Burgess reasoned, but the bee, sprits and smoes might well be enough to inspire crime. Once in a while, a car would cruise by, taking stock of the female flesh on display, both on the wall and lounging in doorways. “Temptation comes in fine gay colours”, Burgess whispered as he passed them. In contrast to the gaudy streetwalkers, shabbily dressed people hurried along the sidewalk, looking neither to right nor left, avoiding contact with other people.

While he found all of this fascinating, Burgess did not relish the atmosphere. It felt unhealthy as well as depressing. He headed for a major intersection, where he hoped to find a subway station or at least a bus stop. As he passed the dark entrance to an alley, he thought he heard sounds of distress, possibly a woman’s cracked treble, drowned out by rough male voices, cursing. He stopped, debating whether to investigate. Maybe somebody needed help. “Ask not for whom the bell tolls…” Not me, Burgess decided. He was no fighter. He’d only get beaten up or stabbed. He would call 911 as soon as he could find a phone. As he hurried away, he heard some thumps and cries which subsided to whimpers. “You got it?” a man demanded. Another responded, “Yeah, c’mon!”

When the thugs exited the alley, Burgess was half a block away, walking fast, head bent as he had seen local pedestrians do. Two men passed him at a trot and didn’t bother to look back. Ten minutes later, he was boarding a well-lit, warm subway car, his heart still hammering, his mind going round and round: “I should have done more… done more… done something….” He didn’t feel safe until he turned in at his apartment building door. He rode up the elevator as usual, opened the door to 4C, switched on the light in every room, took a quick shower and made a soothing cup of bedtime cocoa. After all, he had done a citizen’s duty in alerting the police.

Contrary to expectations, he fell asleep almost immediately. The saying that calmed him was: “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day….” Only he had not fought and never would.


Lance Corporal Charles Edward Cunningham wished for nothing, not even a hot meal, as much as he desired dry boots. Cold water had seeped into every item of clothing he owned, into his blanket and backpack, into his very soul. Eddy Cunningham didn’t often have profound thoughts and was delighted with this one. For a moment, it distracted him from the all-pervading discomfort of the trench. Soon, a new welcome diversion arrived in the form of little Private Edgers, distributing tin cups of coffee to the men on duty. It was thin swill, like the dinner soup had been: the company was running woefully short on supplies and, what with barrage after barrage of enemy fire, none could get through. They would just have to hold on till the Maxims arrived. At least the cup he wrapped his tattered gloves around was still warm. “Ta, mate,” he called after the boy, just as another series of explosions lit up the northern horizon. A sharp whistling sound drowned his words and he ducked low behind the trench rim. “What the hell kind of guns have they got?” was his last thought before the wet boots stood empty in the mud.


Burgess Connor felt tired at work that morning and promised himself not to stay out so late. Usually, he cast a benign eye on the office high jinx of his younger colleagues, but today, everything bothered him. And that bothered him, so out of character was it. At mid-morning, on his way to fetch a cup of water for his headache pill, a balled-up sheet of paper hit him squarely on the left temple – which was throbbing already. He glared at the thrower and the intended target across the aisle, but decided to be a good sport and faked a smile. He told the boys, “You never hear the one that’s got your name on it.” The rest of his day was uneventful and he chose to forego his after-dinner ramble in favour of a G rated movie and an early night.


Peter, eldest of the three De Vries brothers, found a perfect hiding place. His almost-grown-up cousin used to tell the children scary stories about monsters that lurked in the basement. At eight and a half, Peter had outgrown those silly tales, though he still sometimes wished Saint Nicholas was real. He was pretty sure the younger boys wouldn’t dare come down here, but just in case they did, he looked about for cover. Ah, perfect! That old fridge would be cozy enough, it hadn’t been plugged in for years. To sit on, he tossed in a piece old rug he’d found at the bottom of the stairs. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he leaned against the side panel and tugged the door closed. Nobody would find him in here! After a while, he got used to the faint musty smell, he was warm and bored, and so he fell asleep. He dreamed of Saint Nicholas smiling in through the window as he placed a sack of candy on the sill, especially for Peter. Then the old saint was gone and in his place, a dark figure leered in, steaming up the pane, before it, too, disappeared and only the dark remained.


On Monday morning, the monthly reports on violent crime started to trickle in from the boroughs. They would arrive thick and fast soon enough; all “the evil than men do”, flooding across his screen. This would be a hectic week, sorting each incident into the correct category: murder, aggravated assault, sexual assault, assault with robbery, comparing them with the national average and previous years. Burgess liked a steady pace, hated being rushed. Well, he told himself sotto-voce, “no rest for the wicked.” That evening, as a consolation, he treated himself to dinner followed by chocolate ice cream at the nearest hamburger joint, then a leisurely walk through one of the city’s prosperous neighbourhoods. The scent of lilacs and mock orange filled the night. A few courting couples strolled about, enjoying the gentle spring breeze. Moths circled the lights on covered porches, where elderly people sat out, conversing in soft voices. Burgess went home in a tranquil mood and slept soundly.


Ursula Bruhl was on her way home with a bundle of faggots on her back. They would keep her warm all the night through and cook her a hot breakfast in the morning. She had taken only dead, fallen branches, nothing the baron could miss. Her hut was just ahead, on the edge of the forest. She had a little garden there in summer, a few chickens and a nanny goat. They, along with some fortune telling and the odd love potion or talisman against the evil eye, provided for her modest needs. In the dim twilight, she heard the restless pawing and huffing of horses. Then she saw. Her tabby cat Dorcas hanging like a rag doll, impaled by a spear on the massive trunk of the willow near her door. Ursula dropped the bundle to run when rough hands seized and held her.

There were five soldiers, as well as a friar. “Ursula Bruhl”, the latter intoned, “I hereby arrest thee on suspicion of witchcraft. How sayest thou?” She was unable to say anything; only sobs escaped her dry throat. She knew without a doubt that her life was over. After some days of torture, a mock trial would end in her confessing and recanting a non-existent pact with the devil. Then she would be condemned, hanged or drowned or, if they wanted a spectacle for the peasants, burned alive. No! She spat in the friar’s smug face and jabbed her elbow into the stomach the nearest guardsman. She kicked at their ankles, scratched at their eyes and tried to bite their hands. They retaliated with heavy, painful blows. Still, she was able to scream a curse at them, them and their lords, the baron and the bishop, a hideous curse on all their kind. One of the soldiers was so frightened, he drew his sword and slashed her throat before she could utter another word. Ursula fell to the ground, limp as poor old Dorcas, and relieved.


Burgess Connor woke from a dream where some shaggy, horned figure loomed over him, panting and threatening. But he opened his eyes on a bright, clear morning, the kind that dispels nightmares, foreboding and dark imaginings. Burgess stretched, got out of bed and parted the curtains. ‘Paint the devil on the wall,” he admonished himself, “he just might appear.” He repeated this several more times as he set about his morning ablutions and breakfast preparation.

That afternoon, seeking fresh air, he opted to walk home, by way of a building site he’d passed several times before. He had seen the initial huge square hole, then pylons appeared. On his most recent visit, the whole foundation had been poured. He was eager to assess the progress made since. As the days grew longer and the weather continued clement, it seemed the construction crew was working overtime on the erection of intricate scaffolding around the bare walls. The skeleton of a crane towered above the giant concrete box. It was a disappointingly ugly edifice; he hoped that windows and cladding would improve it.

Entering his silent apartment, Burgess felt a twinge of regret for the wife who was not waiting for him. He shook off the feeling, reminded of all the complaints he’d heard over the years from married co-workers. “Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.” He made a grilled cheese sandwich, heated tomato soup and took his meal into the living room in time for the evening news. A factory fire in China, a mass shooting in the USA, another drought in Spain, more saber rattling all the world over. He changed channels and learned a recipe for zucchini that he might even try some day. Nothing but murder and vapid comedies after that, so he busied himself with cleaning chores until bedtime.


Francois Juin would be forever grateful to Father Perrin for recommending him. Repairs to village churches brought in a decent enough income, but to work on a cathedral… in Limoges…! The wages were good; even with the higher cost of living in the city, his family’s welfare was assured for years, maybe decades, if his strength held out. All that, he crossed himself as he thought it, paled beside the glory of participating in such a glorious, holy undertaking. Francois was a happy man this windy morning as he climbed the scaffolding and let down the hod for the first load of stones. He beckoned Etienne over to help haul it up. Slowly and steadily, lest it fall on one of the apprentices mixing mortar to be ready for hoisting next.

As the load reached the platform, the masons leaned out to guide it over the scaffold rail. In that moment, all the weight of two men and six blocks of granite were at one end of the platform. The scaffold tipped; two of the planks slid sideways. Francois lost his balance and went under the rail. Flailing his arms in an attempt to grab anything solid, he let go of the rope. So did Etienne, trying to catch him. Both men landed hard on top of the stones. Cries of alarm did not entirely cover the sound of breaking bones. The ribs might heal, he thought; two had been fractured before. The arm – he could see a sharp end of pink bone protruding just above the elbow - would have to be amputated, putting an end to his career. Mercifully, a red haze began to obstruct his vision and grew darker. The moans and curses, including his own, sounded remote like the ocean. No glorious cathedral, he realized, no more humble parish church towers. How would Louise manage with three children and an invalid? Louise... As consciousness faded, the pain in that grotesquely twisted limb was gradually replaced by an all-pervading cold. He didn't even feel the crack in his skull.


Burgess Connor wakened reluctantly, slightly disoriented. His right arm buzzed with a million needles; he must have slept with it under his head. As he rubbed it to restore circulation, the sign he had seen at that construction site bobbed up in his mind: “Safety Is Everyone’s Business.” He said it aloud on his way to the bathroom, and again on the subway. He didn’t mind being overheard: people should take that slogan to heart. So many accidents were preventable. So much waste of life! He clutched the moving handrail on the escalator and let several people go through the turnstile ahead of him, rather than crowd them. He walked on the inner edge of the sidewalk, watching for uneven pavement to trip on and for people exiting coffee shops with hot beverages. He had a hard time choosing between the stairs and elevator; each had its own dangers. He flipped a quarter and saw a choking hazard. Even his own cubicle could be dangerous: something so trivial as a staple puncture might cause blood poisoning and agonizing death.

With all that tension, Burgess was too tired to go to lunch. He elected instead to remain at his desk. He set his phone alarm for the end of the break, just in case, and put his head down. A few minutes later, he was fast asleep.


Hua Ting reached her place just as the bell rang, a little out of breath but not late, though it was a close thing. She should not let that boy hold her up at the gate with his compliments and warm smiles. She wished she knew his name but was too shy to ask. Ting sat down at her sewing machine and threaded in the pink spool waiting there. The floor supervisor went by, inspecting all the girls for clean hands and tight sleeves. Then the cart came with plastic bins of precut fabric, placed to the left of each seamstress. Hers was a pleasing cotton print of pink and yellow flowers. This was to be a cheerful day. Another trolley passed, dropping its empty bin for finished pieces on the right side of her station.

Once all these preparations were completed, some of the girls began to chat as they worked. You could talk without taking your eyes off the seam. Match, tack down, sew the straight side as fast as possible, slow as little as possible for the curve, finish, cut off the thread. Repeat with the next piece. It wasn’t difficult, just very boring and murder on the wrists. Yeong Xiu at the next machine was prattling on about her plans for Sunday. The owners were some kind of Christians from America, no work was allowed on their holy day. Her other neighbour, the usually quiet Chin Fen, suddenly asked nobody in particular. “Do you smell smoke?” “I think so,” someone answered. Then they could all smell it, and see wisps of smoke coming through the door. In a moment, the wisps turned to billows and grew darker. Some of the girls were crying out in…


Burgess Connor’s forehead hit the desktop with a painful thud. “What…?” he jolted upright and looked around in alarm. There was no smoke, no garment factory, no Chinese women - only one of the office jokers saying, “Sorry! Sorry, buddy, I didn’t mean to hurt you, just wake you up a little.” He had kicked the base of Burgess’ wheeled chair and sent it spinning away from the desk, yanking his arm from under his head. He felt angry, angrier than these idiots had ever made him before, so angry, he wanted to punch the guy. Looking down, he saw his right hand curled in a tight fist. He forced it open and used it to rub at the incipient bump over his eye. “’S okay,” he muttered, “no harm done.”

As he watched Trevor’s back disappear around the partition, a quotation sprang into his mind. Dickens, maybe? “Cowards die a thousand times; the valiant taste of death but once.”

Comments (39)

hypericin December 17, 2024 at 06:20 #954043
Excellent story! :clap: The author is getting (even) better, if I have them right. It is impressive that so many places and times were portrayed, each compelling and feeling authentic.

I wonder, was Burgess given the odd quotations quirk mainly so he could deliver the coup de grace at the end? Was that quote the seed for the story?

A few minor quibbles:

Quoting Noble Dust
nor did he realize how soon he would find himself in the Twilight Zone.


This felt heavy handed. I would have preferred just the quote, even though I wasn't totally sure that's where it was from as I read it.

Quoting Noble Dust
After all, he had done a citizen’s duty in alerting the police.


Except he never did.
Jamal December 17, 2024 at 09:07 #954071
I liked it. Written with care and artistry. A simple parable, but inventive and impressively enriched with different people and places. Nice work!
Jamal December 17, 2024 at 13:00 #954095
Quoting hypericin
Except he never did.


It occurred to me that he might have forgotten that he didn't actually get around to it. There's a phenomenon whereby making a note to do something—and this could include a mental note—carries with it a sense of accomplishment, such that it feels like the task has actually been done. Maybe that's what happened here:

Quoting Noble Dust
He would call 911 as soon as he could find a phone.


hypericin December 18, 2024 at 00:27 #954240
To temper my praise, I realized what was bothering me about the story: the dreams of the "curse" don't actually impact Burgess' life in any significant way. The peak impact seems to be making him extra cautious and jumpy, after the cathedral accident dream. That's about it. It would have been much more satisfying if the dreams actually affected him substantially in some way. As it stands, they are just a curiosity, maybe a minor nuisance.

Quoting Jamal
Maybe that's what happened here


I mean, that's possible. But if so, that has to be communicated to the reader somehow. You can't just expect the reader to intuit that. They will stumble over it.
Christoffer December 18, 2024 at 01:51 #954257
I found it excellent. :cheer: If I interpret it correctly, it feels like his meditations on his non-action and fear of getting killed in the alley drove him to constantly experience other people's deaths in his dreams while when awake constantly ignoring the thoughts.

To me it felt like the act of ignoring the horrors of death pushed all of it into his dreams, only to just slightly affect him when awake, which is almost an analogy for how most people treat death. We may realize we were close, but we seldom think of ourselves dying.

It also reads very well, excellent prose. I would have wished for the end sentence to have been fleshed out a little. Give something more, some larger punchline. At the moment it felt a bit like the end of any of the days, but could perhaps reach a higher point to bookend it even better.

Quoting hypericin
It would have been much more satisfying if the dreams actually affected him substantially in some way. As it stands, they are just a curiosity, maybe a minor nuisance.


It felt like it was the juxtaposition between the horrific first person experiences and the mundanity of his reaction to all of it that were part of the point of the story. Though this line felt like it set up something far bigger as a payoff to the overall story:
...nor did he realize how soon he would find himself in the Twilight Zone.

hypericin December 18, 2024 at 01:54 #954260
Quoting Christoffer
Though this line felt like it set up something far bigger as a payoff to the overall story


Right, that set the expectation for me.
Jamal December 18, 2024 at 08:48 #954322
Quoting hypericin
I mean, that's possible. But if so, that has to be communicated to the reader somehow. You can't just expect the reader to intuit that. They will stumble over it.


Right. I sumbled over it myself. Getting it to work would require a first-person narration, such that the narrator becomes unreliable (but then, first-person wouldn't work for this story otherwise). My charitable thought was that since the third-person here takes a very close point of view at times---"He would call 911 as soon as he could find a phone" describes his thought---it's just about possible to interpret it as intentional rather than a mistake, even if it doesn't quite work.
Nils Loc December 18, 2024 at 19:36 #954475
A great medley of skillfully portrayed vignettes. The sober realism of Connor's dreams are so extraordinary they might be evidence of past lives. Prose is very economic and consistent.

Will have to meditate on the last quote and try to discern what is being said in relationship to Connor. His nightscapes are generated by mundane irritations of his work life and provide perhaps sensible feedback.

“Cowards die a thousand times; the valiant taste of death but once.”


Gives me a Buddhist vibe; bad day/night dreams are like (re)incarantions which buffet us, direct us or draw down our energies. Nibbana would extinguish the generation of all these illusory and excessive birth/deaths and make one valiant, to die but once. May our troubling dreams that make us tremble and hesitate cease.
Amity December 20, 2024 at 12:56 #954797
Nightscapes

A nightscape, what could it be? A landscape at night. A physical or mental dark place. A nightmare.
And there are more than one. Natural or supernatural elements?

Burgess Connor is well described in the first paragraph and we follow him through the days and nights of his mundane life as an average statistician. He is a detached observer, an aimless wanderer.

Quoting Noble Dust
his favourite pastime was aimless wandering on city streets. Every area he walked had its own character and mood, changing with the seasons and from day to night.


So, he scopes city scapes at night.
His younger colleagues find him and his conversation a bit strange. Saturated with quotes, with no apparent thoughts of his own. Machine-like. Roboman.

For every event or action, an associated quote would pop up, like:
Quoting Noble Dust
On his way to the water-cooler, he might chant under his breath, “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,”


Jack fell down and broke his crown. The author is hinting at Connor's phobia or obsession. In a constant state of alertness, to prevent harm to self. Definitely risk averse.
Then he recites a quote from the Twilight Zone:
Quoting Noble Dust
While poring over a chart that failed to accord perfectly with the reported figures for that quarter, he muttered, “It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge”.


This is the fifth dimension. The dimension of imagination. Not as black as a nightscape. But a middle ground. Connor has a missing statistic. The black and white charts don't tell the full picture. A collection of figures, the real lives behind them lie unseen. Unknown. And some are hiding from him.

Quoting Noble Dust
Burgess Connor did not recall or care where he had learned those lines, nor did he realize how soon he would find himself in the Twilight Zone.


The reader anticipates either a sci-fi anthology film or Connor's leap from unthinking self to imagination.
Perhaps both. The author has him enter an unfamiliar, poor neighbourhood at night.
First nightscape:

Quoting Noble Dust
shops had dusty, resigned-looking merchandise behind caged fronts. The only ones still open were an adult video store, its windows papered over with posters of improbably proportioned women in various states of undress and a mini mart, its neon marquee advertising Bee Sp rits Smo es; a sign on its door read “No Cash on Premises”. Maybe so, Burgess reasoned, but the bee, sprits and smoes might well be enough to inspire crime.


Connor worries constantly about crime. We can ask why then, given his phobia, he is walking in such an area. Is this really happening? The atmosphere is dark and depressing. Unhealthy. He looks for a way out and comes to 'major intersection'. A crossroads of choice.

He passes a dark alley where he hears the cries of a damsel in distress. She is being thumped and mugged by a pair of male thugs. He knows his limitations and fears of death. A quote springs to mind and he chooses to ignore the crime being committed, move on and phone for help.

Quoting Noble Dust
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls…” Not me, Burgess decided. He was no fighter. He’d only get beaten up or stabbed. He would call 911 as soon as he could find a phone. As he hurried away, he heard some thumps and cries which subsided to whimpers. “You got it?” a man demanded. Another responded, “Yeah, c’mon!”


Connor runs from trouble. He is overtaken by the men who don't even give him a passing glance.
Is he invisible? In this nightscape. His mind takes over and for the first time we hear his own voice:

Quoting Noble Dust
“I should have done more… done more… done something….”

The saying that calmed him was: “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day….” Only he had not fought and never would.

Should we judge Connor as a coward? Or would we do any different in the circumstances?

Nightscape 2

At war and in the trenches. Is this a dream of another time. Or a real event? It's a story.

Lance Corporal Cunningham. Apparently wishing for nothing even in those dire circumstances. Facing barrage after barrage. Is this Connor dreaming of being brave?

Quoting Noble Dust
Eddy Cunningham didn’t often have profound thoughts and was delighted with this one. For a moment, it distracted him from the all-pervading discomfort of the trench. [...] the cup he wrapped his tattered gloves around was still warm. “Ta, mate,” he called after the boy, just as another series of explosions lit up the northern horizon. A sharp whistling sound drowned his words and he ducked low behind the trench rim. “What the hell kind of guns have they got?” was his last thought before the wet boots stood empty in the mud.


Two thoughts: The first profound. We never get to know the content. Is it one Connor might have produced? The last thought before the battlefield death is a bewildered question.
One Connor will never ask.

The author provides unforgettable imagery. The contrast between courage and cowardice?
We can imagine Connor as a 'conscientious objector' but for all the wrong reasons.

Back at the office. Connor is bothered about being bothered. Out of character. And under attack by a young colleague but he thinks the tight paper ball hitting his temple was not meant for him but someone else, so he chooses to be a 'good sport'. In other words, he avoids confrontation. Does he realise his weakness marks him as a target for bullies?

Quoting Noble Dust
He told the boys, “You never hear the one that’s got your name on it.” The rest of his day was uneventful and he chose to forego his after-dinner ramble in favour of a G rated movie and an early night.


You never hear the bullet that kills you. He uses an inappropriate quote as if he is a soldier. Rather than dealing with office power politics.

Nightscape 3

Peter, the oldest brother of 3 is running scared of his siblings. Looking for cover, he hides in an old fridge in the basement they imagine full of monsters. He thinks it will be cosy. He closed the door.
Quoting Noble Dust
After a while, he got used to the faint musty smell, he was warm and bored, and so he fell asleep. He dreamed of Saint Nicholas smiling in through the window as he placed a sack of candy on the sill, especially for Peter. Then the old saint was gone and in his place, a dark figure leered in, steaming up the pane, before it, too, disappeared and only the dark remained.


This sounds like Peter died in a place he thought safe. When would his remains be found in that cold, dark place?

Back to the office. Connor faces a hectic week categorising violent crime reports.
Quoting Noble Dust
: murder, aggravated assault, sexual assault, assault with robbery, comparing them with the national average and previous years.


Did he ever think of the woman in the dark alley, her assault? He had fearfully passed by. Her figure, just another statistic. Easily missed. But stats are important. For government manipulation.

Nightscape 4
Another woman, another time and place. Ursula Bruhl returning home with dry sticks for her fire, used for heating and to cook. The author tells her horrific tale. The fate of women accused of witchcraft. Paints a lovely picture of her little garden and how she makes ends meet. A frugal life compared to those who seek her out as a threat. The combined male powers of royalty, religion and a regiment of soldiers.
Their brute cruelty not only to women but an innocent cat:

Quoting Noble Dust
In the dim twilight, she heard the restless pawing and huffing of horses. Then she saw. Her tabby cat Dorcas hanging like a rag doll, impaled by a spear on the massive trunk of the willow near her door [...]
She knew what lay in store for her. She decided to fight with Courage.

Quoting Noble Dust
They retaliated with heavy, painful blows. Still, she was able to scream a curse at them, them and their lords, the baron and the bishop, a hideous curse on all their kind. One of the soldiers was so frightened, he drew his sword and slashed her throat before she could utter another word. Ursula fell to the ground, limp as poor old Dorcas, and relieved.


Such brave, superstitious soldiers of Christ. May they die... slowly... in fear and terror.
We can imagine Connor as the scared, cowardly soldier.

The nightscapes continue. We hear stories of French cathedral workers falling to their death. Chinese women burning in a garment factory. It makes me wonder about the rebuilding of Notre Dame, its restoration after fire. The time, effort and energy to rebuild. The powerful and the rich invited to the opening ceremony. The face of Trump so devout and religious as he eyed up the gold.
Did the religious, American owners of the Chinese factory re-build? Same old, same old?

Finally, back at the office. The cowardly Connor.
Quoting Noble Dust
He felt angry, angrier than these idiots had ever made him before, so angry, he wanted to punch the guy. Looking down, he saw his right hand curled in a tight fist. He forced it open and used it to rub at the incipient bump over his eye. “’S okay,” he muttered, “no harm done.”

As he watched Trevor’s back disappear around the partition, a quotation sprang into his mind. Dickens, maybe? “Cowards die a thousand times; the valiant taste of death but once


From: William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, in Act II, Scene 2.
Connor has never faced his fears. Every time he backs out or away, something dies in him.
A kind of moral death. Not good for the soul. More nightscapes to follow...

***

I enjoyed this nesting of stories within the bigger picture. So well imagined and painted with colours of countries far and wide. The taste of what it is like to be a woman in a man's world. The risks men take to provide for their wives and children, in peace and at war. The piercing wounds of politics and religion.

Substantive and sensitive. Bringing light to the depths of darkness. The best and the worst of humanity. In all times. Connor, a wonderful character, acting as conduit with great use of quotes.

Excellent! Thank you :pray: :flower:



























Amity December 20, 2024 at 13:25 #954800
Quoting hypericin
This felt heavy handed. I would have preferred just the quote, even though I wasn't totally sure that's where it was from as I read it


It wasn't at all heavy handed. Its placement was just right, I didn't know about the Twilight Zone.

Quoting hypericin
Except he never did.


I am pretty sure this is Connor in a dream. And the scenes kaleidoscope on. No real-time logic.

Quoting hypericin
To temper my praise, I realized what was bothering me about the story: the dreams of the "curse" don't actually impact Burgess' life in any significant way.


I think Connor was in that dream. He was the scared soldier who killed the 'witch' for her fighting courage in standing up to all the men. I say more in my interpretive post.
He is superstitious and chants quotes as a protection against any 'curse' of accidents or falling to death. He is in the 5th dimension of imagination.





Amity December 20, 2024 at 13:33 #954803
Quoting Nils Loc
Will have to meditate on the last quote and try to discern what is being said in relationship to Connor. His nightscapes are generated by mundane irritations of his work life and provide perhaps sensible feedback.


I have provided one interpretation of the quote:
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/comment/954797
Amity December 20, 2024 at 13:39 #954804
Quoting hypericin
I mean, that's possible. But if so, that has to be communicated to the reader somehow. You can't just expect the reader to intuit that. They will stumble over it.


The author has done a [s]fine[/s] excellent job. There is no need for further explanations. It is left to the reader to imagine and wonder. That's the mark and magic of good story-telling. IMO.
Jack Cummins December 23, 2024 at 21:40 #955324
Reply to Noble Dust
It is a good story, with a lot of attention to detail and showing rather than attention. I wonder about it as a short story or whether it could be developed further into a novel, as the character of Connor is well depicted, strong and having a lot of potential.
Caldwell December 28, 2024 at 22:46 #956238
It's a fascinating story about Burgess Connor's retentive mind filled with scenes observed from his aimless wandering on the streets and from watching all kinds of television shows.
Very skillful writing and thoughtful because the writer allows the readers to tie each event to Connor's observations -- the factory fire in China and "cowards die a thousand times, the valiant taste of death but once" (Ursula Bruhl and Lance Corporal Cunningham come to mind).

Good read!
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 16:01 #956364
Quoting hypericin
nor did he realize how soon he would find himself in the Twilight Zone. — Noble Dust
This felt heavy handed. I would have preferred just the quote, even though I wasn't totally sure that's where it was from as I read it.

True. I felt I owed Rod Serling a nod; Shakespeare could go it alone. Also wanted to alert the reader that something spooky will happen.
Quoting hypericin
Except he never did.

Yes, just as he said: from a payphone when he got to the subway station.
I should probably have expected this to be snag; forgot that Connor and I are among the last ten people on Earth who don't carry a cellphone everywhere.
Quoting hypericin
To temper my praise, I realized what was bothering me about the story: the dreams of the "curse" don't actually impact Burgess' life in any significant way. The peak impact seems to be making him extra cautious and jumpy, after the cathedral accident dream.

He had led a serene, uncomplicated, uninhibited life. Within a week, he's become cautious, selective in his walk environments, tired in the daytime and irritable with his co-workers. He hasn't completed the fifth experience of death. Yet.


Amity December 29, 2024 at 16:15 #956369
Quoting Vera Mont
He hasn't completed the fifth experience of death. Yet.


Oh. I will definitely need to read this again. I have missed something. :scream:
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 16:57 #956376
Reply to Amity
It's in the final quotation, which you identified.
As for the association of night experiences to external cues, that's kind of fuzzy. The WWI soldier was a fighter by designation, if not by temperament. The boy, Peter, was hiding away, as Connor hid from the world that evening. The shaggy beast Peter dreamed may have been the devil with whom the old German woman had been accused of consorting. Only the building site and factory are obvious settings, and I wonder whether he isn't getting closer to conscious awareness of these nightscapes.

Not my favourite story - I wrote it by way of exorcism.
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 17:21 #956383
Quoting Christoffer
I found it excellent. :cheer: If I interpret it correctly, it feels like his meditations on his non-action and fear of getting killed in the alley drove him to constantly experience other people's deaths in his dreams while when awake constantly ignoring the thoughts.


Exactly! How wonderful of you say 'experience' rather than 'dream. Quoting Christoffer
Give something more, some larger punchline.

I thought the final quotation was the punch-line; that a thousand deaths was enough pay-back.

Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 17:24 #956385
Quoting Nils Loc
Gives me a Buddhist vibe; bad day/night dreams are like (re)incarantions which buffet us, direct us or draw down our energies. Nibbana would extinguish the generation of all these illusory and excessive birth/deaths and make one valiant, to die but once. May our troubling dreams that make us tremble and hesitate cease.

Wow! That's way too big a concept for this story, but I'll take it, I'll take it!
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 17:31 #956387
Quoting Jack Cummins
There is no need for further explanations. It is left to the reader to imagine and wonder. That's the mark and magic of good story-telling. IMO.

You're far too generous, both to the hapless protagonist and to me.

PS Young Peter and his brothers were playing hide-and-seek. All quite innocent; his death was one of many such accidents. Happened in the 1960's. Since then, all refrigerator and freezer doors are removed before dumping and the doors close with magnets, so nobody can be locked in. That doesn't prevent a kid falling asleep. Nothing prevents kids being dumb.
The soldier's 'profound' thought was having a wet soul. Eddy was a simple cobbler's apprentice before he was called up. The old woman accused of witchcraft wasn't especially brave; resisting arrest was the only way she could avoid torture. And, of course, even with the best-enforced safety regulations, accidents at construction sites and other work-places still happen today.

Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 17:33 #956392
Quoting Jack Cummins
It is a good story, with a lot of attention to detail and showing rather than attention. I wonder about it as a short story or whether it could be developed further into a novel, as the character of Connor is well depicted, strong and having a lot of potential.

Thank you. But I don't think I could face writing that many death scenes. And I hate to imagine what kind of gibbering homicidal trainwreck the MC will have become by the end.
Christoffer December 29, 2024 at 17:46 #956394
Quoting Vera Mont
I thought the final quotation was the punch-line; that a thousand deaths was enough pay-back.


I liked that end quote, but the thing I wondered about is if there even is a pay-back when he doesn't seem to care about the experiences that invade his sleep? Maybe he will become more affected by them over time, but throughout the story it seems he just ignores them, treat them as weird dreams and nothing more. Is it something that progressively will wear him down to the point of recognizing his punishment for inaction? Because there's a point being made in this story that I feel speaks to something else, that the modern condition of existence makes us so numb and apathetic that even in a state of being punished for inaction, we still don't care to take note and through a thousand deaths will continue to meander through ones own life as if nothing happened.
Jack Cummins December 29, 2024 at 18:20 #956405
Reply to Vera Mont
I hadn't guessed this one as being your story as it was very dark. Yes, the prospect of writing the death scenes and the realisation of the character of MC may be a questionable task. Perhaps, MC is your inner 'monster' figure. I also noticed that you said it wasn't one of your 'favourite' stories, as it is often assumed that each one of us likes all our own stories. It may be, as you describe it, some are more like a process of 'exorcism'.
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 18:23 #956407
Quoting Christoffer
Maybe he will become more affected by them over time, but throughout the story it seems he just ignores them, treat them as weird dreams and nothing more.


Most people don't recall most of their dreams - only the last one as we wake up. But they can still have an effect. Yes, I should have paid more attention to the effect - the gradual changes that take place in his perception of the world. Should have carried it through a few more nights.
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 18:25 #956410
Quoting Jack Cummins
Perhaps, MC is your inner 'monster' figure.

Something like that. I lack physical courage; most of my sins are of omission.
Nils Loc December 29, 2024 at 19:16 #956425
Quoting Vera Mont
Wow! That's way too big a concept for this story, but I'll take it, I'll take it!


The question is why are his dreams so perfectly sensible that they might as well be historical occurrences, memories, while everyone else's dreams are often whacky, exaggerated and nonsensical.
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 19:19 #956429
Quoting Nils Loc
The question is why are his dreams so perfectly sensible that they might as well be historical occurrences,

Because they're historical occurrences. He's experiencing those deaths as they happened. Why do you think I chickened out on the girl burning to death?
hypericin December 29, 2024 at 20:22 #956446
Quoting Vera Mont
Yes, just as he said: from a payphone when he got to the subway station.
I should probably have expected this to be snag; forgot that Connor and I are among the last ten people on Earth who don't carry a cellphone everywhere.


It's not just that. He says he will alert the police and that he did his duty, but we are never shown him doing that. It feels odd that of those three events, the doing is what was omitted. To me that is the most important one, and the omission came across as a mistake. Whereas, the other two can be omitted without problem.

Quoting Vera Mont
Within a week, he's become cautious, selective in his walk environments, tired in the daytime and irritable with his co-workers.


Yeah, I get that. I guess I was hoping for a little bit more. Like @Christoffer points out, he mostly ignores these events (at least consciously), and that turns the meaning in a direction you maybe didn't intend. And as @Nils Loc mentions, these dreams are pretty extraordinary events, far removed from the typical dream experience. It feels a little off that they are dismissed so readily, especially as they happen in succession.

Not to be over-critical, these don't detract from the fact that this was one of my favorites.
Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 21:11 #956460
Quoting hypericin
It's not just that. He says he will alert the police and that he did his duty, but we are never shown him doing that.

He's not shown entering the subway station, inserting his token, going through the turnstile and down the escalator, but he gets on the subway; he never even mentions doing these things, and nobody minds. He doesn't need to remind himself that he found the pay phone just inside the station doors, didn't look for coins because 911 calls are toll-free. I took all that for granted. I'm sorry the omission led to misunderstanding. That was an anachronistic mistake, rather than a narrative one.
Quoting hypericin
It feels a little off that they are dismissed so readily, especially as they happen in succession.

Because he doesn't know about them. He's only aware of the last one because it's interrupted. If the effect of four such experiences were more intense, what would he be like after 200? He couldn't survive a quarter of his sentence.
But you're right - I didn't make any of that clear. That was a narrative mistake.
Amity December 29, 2024 at 22:06 #956473
Quoting Vera Mont
He's not shown entering the subway station, inserting his token, going through the turnstile and down the escalator, but he gets on the subway; he never even mentions doing these things, and nobody minds. He doesn't need to remind himself that he found the pay phone just inside the station doors, didn't look for coins because 911 calls are toll-free. I took all that for granted. I'm sorry the omission led to misunderstanding. That was an anachronistic mistake, rather than a narrative one.


I don't understand why there is so much fuss about something so trivial. I didn't even think twice about it.
I assumed it had been done along the way. I took his word that he had alerted the police and did his duty. We don't need to have everything to be spelt out for us.

Quoting Vera Mont
Because he doesn't know about them. He's only aware of the last one because it's interrupted. If the effect of four such experiences were more intense, what would he be like after 200? He couldn't survive a quarter of his sentence.
But you're right - I didn't make any of that clear. That was a narrative mistake.


So, are the experiences dreams or is there something else going on? A supernatural event. To take him to other places and people? Is this done by a mystical entity who found him guilty of cowardice? Is there more to this than meets the eye...





Vera Mont December 29, 2024 at 22:20 #956474
Quoting Amity
So, are the experiences dreams or is there something else going on? A supernatural event. To take him to other places and people?

They're actual places and people. He's experiencing deaths that crop up from history, according to some random cue in his own life. At night, Connor is in The Twilight Zone.
(As fas as I know, no entity controls the zone; it's just there and people fall into it, usually through some act or wish of their own. I Used to watch that show faithfully; loved Serling's stories - and the introduction.) I should have made that clearer.
Amity December 29, 2024 at 22:35 #956482
Quoting Vera Mont
He's experiencing deaths that crop up from history, according to some random cue in his own life. At night, Connor is in The Twilight Zone.
I should have made that clearer.


Thanks for explaining that. I did wonder as to the detail and clarity of the dreams with specific places and people. I think it was difficult for me because I didn't watch the TZ.

Quoting Vera Mont
As fas as I know, no entity controls the zone; it's just there and people fall into it, usually through some act or wish of their own


So, I'm not sure who or what has judged him guilty. The shaggy horny one...?
I have probably missed something. In the mist of time! But it doesn't matter.
The story is fabulous :fire: :heart: :sparkle:
Caldwell December 29, 2024 at 23:24 #956504
@Vera Mont
I did not get from the story that Burgess was experiencing those events. Meaning, I didn't understand that the writer meant for him to be physically in those events.

Quoting hypericin
It feels odd that of those three events, the doing is what was omitted. To me that is the most important one, and the omission came across as a mistake.

Same here. It was a lingering thought as I continued to read the story.
Vera Mont December 30, 2024 at 00:42 #956547
Quoting Amity
So, I'm not sure who or what has judged him guilty.

Connor's conscience.

Quoting hypericin
the omission came across as a mistake

Admitted. The Twilight Zone reference was evident to me and I failed to see that it wouldn't be to anyone else. So, I guess, another anachronism mistake.

Amity December 30, 2024 at 10:22 #956634
Quoting Vera Mont
Connor's conscience.


Ah. What has he done to feel guilty about? Not being brave enough to take action:

Quoting Noble Dust
He stopped, debating whether to investigate. Maybe somebody needed help. “Ask not for whom the bell tolls…” Not me, Burgess decided. He was no fighter. He’d only get beaten up or stabbed. [...] his heart still hammering, his mind going round and round: “I should have done more… done more… done something….”


Fear of death. So, now he is experiencing the deaths of others. How many will it take?
Before he loses his fear or dies...

Quoting Noble Dust
“Cowards die a thousand times; the valiant taste of death but once.”


1,000 experiences of death? This is a horror story! :scream:

Amity December 30, 2024 at 10:33 #956636
Quoting Vera Mont
The Twilight Zone reference was evident to me and I failed to see that it wouldn't be to anyone else. So, I guess, another anachronism mistake.


It was fine to reference the Twilight Zone. I had to look it up. It's what I do when writers drop clues like that and I don't understand. I gleaned enough but didn't keep it in mind as I followed the story and MC's experiences. I guess another 'mental glitch' on my part. Or something.
Perhaps, a reminder of that would have helped...

Quoting Vera Mont
At night, Connor is in The Twilight Zone.


Quoting Noble Dust
nor did he realize how soon he would find himself in the Twilight Zone.
Every night.
Vera Mont December 30, 2024 at 12:02 #956645
Could have been The Outer Limits or Alfred Hitchcock Presents, but Rod Serling had the most poetic introduction.

I call those little anomalies mind-snags. An evocative word, an omission, an odd expression - things you can't quite read past. Some are obvious and avoidable, or can easily be removed on the second edit. But you can never predict all of them. What seems self-evident to you may be an opaque to a reader - maybe a different one for each reader.
OTOH, each reader also adds something that you didn't consider.
Ain't it a grand game?
Amity December 30, 2024 at 12:21 #956647
Quoting Vera Mont
I call those little anomalies mind-snags. An evocative word, an omission, an odd expression - things you can't quite read past. Some are obvious and avoidable, or can easily be removed on the second edit. But you can never predict all of them. What seems self-evident to you may be an opaque to a reader - maybe a different one for each reader.


Wonderful understanding and explanation, thanks.

Mind-Snags. A lovely story and description, here:
Quoting Mind-Snags - Dao of Now
I’ve noticed lately that in my own meditation/mindfulness practice I’ve been getting a lot of ‘mind-snags’: when your mind gets hooked on some thought or issue and it just won’t let go. This happens to me most when I’m in a point of transition between countries, or jobs, or amidst a big life change. Often when this occurs, the mind automatically goes to the source of the snag (the niggling thought) and repetitively works through it by resistance; that is, trying to pick apart the conundrum so that it can be solved. In other words, I begin to pull on the problem that is bothering me and the problem becomes more tightly wrapped up in my mind.
What Zen meditation (zazen) practice has taught me to do, however, it to simply “cut the line” – that is, calmly cutting the cord attached to the thought, just like my Dad would do with the snagged fishing line. And then I inwardly turn to myself, just like my Dad would turn to me, and say, ‘let’s start again shall we?’


***
Quoting Vera Mont
OTOH, each reader also adds something that you didn't consider.
Ain't it a grand game?


Yes, it is. :hearts: :sparkle:


Amity December 30, 2024 at 13:44 #956659
Quoting Amity
I guess another 'mental glitch' on my part.


I feel a little better about my glitches. The Dao of Now.

If I ignore niggly parts, then I am going with the flow. I want to stay in the moment and not be entangled. Until, I start over. To pay attention. Again.

Yes, I find this interpretation of my scatty cerebral experience most acceptable.
It would have been better if I'd paid attention in the first place. But hey, it's a process, innit? :chin: