The Nexus Crown by Christoffer

Noble Dust December 16, 2024 at 18:11 300 views 37 comments
September 1827, personal note of Dr. Benedict Greystone.

Drifting at sea, no wind in sails, and those oscillating mechanisms circling high above our ship. Our sailing master, Samuel Fenwick, gave up about a fortnight back. Been drinking himself to sleep far below and away from open skies, deep down in the lower decks.
“It’s them, those cursed fiends! They stole the breath from our sails," his drunken chords echoing through the hallways and decks.

Captain Francis locked himself in his cabin. I and the remaining science team, still debating our next course of action, no solution yet in sight.
“We never should’ve dropped anchor here! Those heathens and their devilry!” I heard a quartermaster scream. Rubbish! I thought. There are no heathens here but us. The uncultured savages, the children in need of enlightenment by this lost paradise.

Have I fallen to madness? Why does this strange urge pull at my reason, urging me to return?

By the stars, give me sanity.

—

Around two fortnights ago a storm hit our sails. It howled holes in our ship, as fierce as the old testament. Most of our equipment broke, and Jonathan Penrose’s freshly painted observations were lost to seawater. I choked on salty air as my stomach crashed against the flow of rising and falling cabins. Roaring flashes of light glistened on the eyes and sweat of our crew.
“Blast it, men, the ship’s near breaking. Hold fast, or she’ll roll us under!” The first lieutenant’s commands echoed between black waves.
“Triton’s turned his back on us, can’t ye see?” a crewman shouted back.

We thought the main mast had creaked its last strength when as sudden as it came, the storm calmed to a halt. Wind and waves no more. Like smoke from a gunshot, only dense fog remained.

A three year expedition had turned five. My purpose, as officially stated by the Royal Society of London: to find anthropological evidence for monogenism, or in common tongue, to trace how humanity sprung from a singular source.

Blasted, what a deplorable waste it had been. Pride and confidence had turned a brittle mask, and the others saw the cracks. They awaited the moment to punish me for my fruitless efforts, this storm had surely become their last straw. As we gathered on the foggy deck, I sensed the will to violently throw me in the deep dark below. Oh the tragedy of our great leader, lost to the storm, I figured would be their lie.

But like sirens turning angels, we heard seagulls above. The fog spiraled away, revealing something beyond.
"Land! Bloody land at last!" our lookout yelled. Fenwick ran to the highest point as he jacked up his telescope.
“Impossible,” I heard him mutter as he scanned the waters ahead.

We drifted closer to the island. Its white cliffs resembled the seaweed-scented shores of home. Yet no nostalgia held its might against the view above its autumn trees. The crew wiped their eyes as if sea salt had pulled a jest on their minds, yet, it remained. Mr Penrose quickly scribbled the scene on some half-moist sheet.
“I’ve never observed anything alike,” he gasped.

Shading the sky stood a broken hollowed out mountain that raised itself like a crown. A stony rough and broken dawn-waking flower, its cliffs converged high above the island’s center point. Captain Francis lowered his telescope and turned to me.
“There’s your prize doctor,” he said and thrusted the telescope into my chest and hands. I looked through. On the shoreline stood a sturdy man-made pier. Fenwick, struck with fear.
“I’d rather battle Neptune once more than setting foot on that rock,” he yelled as he stormed down below. Some tall tale seemed to have spooked the man, but I smiled. This was surely the thing to finally mark me equal to James Cook himself.

—

We made landfall on the pier. I, Captain Francis, Penrose, the first lieutenant and his crew stepped ashore. No sound but the calm sea and slight breeze stirring the tall trees smelling pine resin and oak. The pier continued into a road through the dim forest. The crew put up a provisional camp while Penrose worked the surrounding observations into coal. My heart stirred with childish excitement as the yet undiscovered beyond called my name.
“Captain! This land seems calm enough for an afternoon stroll,” I said. He looked around at the men and walked up to me.
“The crew needs a drink,” he said.
“Then I shall begin the work myself,” I said while the captain grinded his teeth and spat salt. He looked back and called for one man to get up.
“Bring a sea musket,” he shouted to the crewman.

I gathered my bag stuffed with my worn out field journal, coin purse, compass as well as a collection of tobacco, beads and fine decorated mirrors as gifts for showing my peaceful intentions to any uncultured locals.

—

The further we got, the more sickly the trees seemed, losing color and vigor. A strange bird shrieked in the distance as I stopped and kneeled down, touching the road.
“What a peculiar material,” I said. A smoothness like fine white granite, without connective stone, blocks or uneven polish.
“Remarkable craft,” I continued, though the captain was still in spite.
“It may yet be another abandoned post,” he chastised.
“Heal your melancholia, Captain. I promised you fame, did I not?” I said and he sighed.
“Only by revealing some infamous atlantean could you keep such promise,” he remarked as we continued.

We thought to have arrived at a glade as the trees thinned out, yet instead were awestruck by an epic vista. Open country stretched far into a canyon beneath those large thin shell cliffs of the enormous mountain. Around us, dried up fields of withered wheat crops cut through by the path of the white granite road. Yet the most remarkable view laid straight ahead. At the far end of the road sprawled a large symmetrical town. It encircled a hilltop holding a massive black castle and within, an impossibly tall tower that reached up towards the converging mountain tops.

"Good heavens, Dr. Graystone! By what chart or reason did we arrive here?” the captain gasped at me. Our crewman squeezed his grip on his musket.
“Fame and glory dear Francis,” I smirked.

Ahead across the field we noticed some half-rusted cylindrical mechanisms. They towered like fat scarecrows as we walked past, linked together by spiraling pipes and cables throughout the fields. I had seen similar wonders of our industrial ingenuity back in London, even requested our journey to be made on one of those new coal steam ships that were making fresh headlines, yet these things were beyond even the Royal Society’s wisdom. Unknowably complex, yet appeared dead and abandoned. Ancient relics, as some overgrown armor after a forgotten skirmish.

“Halt, over there,” the captain whispered. Our crewman aimed his musket and I calmly pushed it down. Up ahead in the field, a middle-aged woman in worn down clothing picked whatever wheat still lived in the otherwise rotten, dark field. I approached as she looked up at me showing no fear or hostility, only the dead eyes of famine. I took out the beads as my offering gift. She only looked at it and then at me before she said something in a strange, unknown language. It sounded like something known, yet mixed up, together, as all languages spoken at the same time. As my demeanor showed my inability to understand she turned and pointed towards the town.
“Machyrios,” she said and then continued picking her wheat. As I carefully backed up I stepped on a pipe and my head felt resonating by some rumbling notion. I kneeled down putting my hand on its uneven metal. A faint pulsating rumble, like when I felt the faint heartbeat in the hand of my dying father.
“Though grand I sense all this has fallen from grace,” the captain remarked as I squinted my eyes towards the town. Something on the side of the road caught the low sun.

Our crewman seemed affected by some unknown ailment as we approached an odd rusty and horseless chariot. No straps or reins, just a turning stick inside. Leaning against sat an old man with an obscuring hat. Half asleep, he puffed smoke from a metallic pipe. I cleared my throat.
“M… Machyrios?” I inquired. The man raised his head revealing piercing blue eyes that studied me as I approached. He cranked a smile as if by some jest.
“I’m not the king, stranger,” he said and we all looked at each other in confusion.
“I didn’t expect to hear the empire’s tongue in this place,” I remarked.
“No surprise there lad,” he answered and puffed smoke.
“We’re with the Royal Society of…”
“What’s your name lad?” he cut in and I gathered my composure.
“Benedict Graystone, sir,” I said with pride.
“Erasmus Brightwell, at your service,” he said while nodding a touch on his hat before he raised up on his feet, walked over to the chariot’s back, grabbed a tool and began tuning its innards.
“Might you enlighten us as to our current whereabouts?” the captain asked. Erasmus stopped tinkering and looked around the land, waving his tool towards the scenery.
“I came here around forty winters past. Missionary expedition. Twas to bring the lord’s teachings to the heathens of the Pacifics, or so the saying was.”
“The Pacifics?” the captain remarked with surprise. Our crewman squinted and touched his temple.
“I reckon you, as well as I, came upon a fierce storm, ending you up on these shores?”
“You are correct,” said the captain. Erasmus stopped his workings and leaned against the chariot. His eyes wandered away, far past the chariot and the land, into some distant past.
“I was the missionary superior. Nose deep in the scriptures. A respected scholar demanding the respect of the yet to be blessed. Filled with all that childish arrogance,” he said and turned towards the town.
“All those foolish expeditions, believing ourselves standing taller above what we don’t even know or understand. Servants of fools, we’re small children dancing to stupid fairy tales,” he mumbled. The captain stepped forward.
“Where are the remainder of your brethren?” he asked and Erasmus studied him.
“They returned home,” he said in passing and continued his chariot tuning.
“Yet not you?” the captain inquired further.
“It was the price to pay, and I paid mine freely.”

—

The sun was about to set. Most light came bouncing down from the inner walls of the mountain shell, soft as a warm pink cotton. Erasmus continued his tuning as I noted down all I had witnessed. My thoughts wandered. Did his crew return back to London? Why did we not hear any tales of such a journey? Our crewman had collapsed by the wayside, apparently afflicted by some unseen malady or debilitating seizure of the mind. The captain brought him to feet.
“The men must be briefed,” the captain said to me, jacking me out of my wandering thoughts. I pitied the poor fellow crewman for his untutored mind that yielded so swiftly to the strain of these inexplicable sights. I gazed down the road at the distant town and thought, I couldn’t risk returning empty handed due to weaker minds fleeing this wondrous destiny.
“I see no rush, these people seem civilized, are they not?” I said to the captain. He stepped closer, glanced at Erasmus, then our crewman and whispered.
“I fear we may have docked in a place one should not.”
“Then go and brief your men and await my return,” I said while straightening my back. The captain ground his teeth and turned, walking away with the crewman right behind.

—

Erasmus seemed pleased with his tinkering. He put away his tools and closed the shielding to the machinery.
“Why are you out here, alone?” I asked as he walked around wiping his hands clean from soot.
"The storms often deliver new visitors to these shores. I was meant to welcome you, were it not for this wretched piece of junk," he said, kicking the chariot’s side with a thump before he got into the seat. A buzzing electrical hum came out of the chariot as Erasmus flipped some switches. I was stunned.
“By what alchemy does this run?” I asked.
“By the work of our intellectuals. Although these things tend to break at a cycle’s end,” he said and prompted me to get on board. I stood there like a fool. He leaned out from his seat.
“Did I not take you as the curious one?” he asked and I carefully got into the chariot. As he pulled the lever the whole thing moved, without a horse or anything to pull or push, he turned it around and the wind began roaring through my ears as it sped up towards the town. The electrical hum increased in strength and my heart raced. But Erasmus calmly lit his pipe and steered forward.

As we closed in, I spotted an increasing number of small residential houses. People tended the gardens and worked their broken backs. A man’s eyes met my own and there was little there but cold suffered surrender. Scattered between the houses were large strange mechanisms. Not cylindrical as the previous, and without cables or pipes connected. They looked like dead insects covered with decades worth of dust and moss. Some fruit trees stood slumped over while people walked the road back to town carrying half rotting food in the bottom of their baskets.
“This is famine, how can you possibly endure such conditions?” I gasped in horror.
“We starve only for a week, it is customary before season’s end,” he said.
“I do not understand any of this,” I said and Erasmus prompted me to look up at the castle tower increasing in size as we came closer.
"When the bell tolls, by nightfall, the ritual shall commence, and our cycle will be renewed once again."
"And what of your intellectuals? Shall they not produce a remedy for the people's suffering?" I asked.
“They cannot, as they prepare themselves for the coming ceremony,” he answered and I watched as the town approached, feeling even more lost than before.

The town’s outer rim of houses towered four stories high, a blend of seemingly natural rock and metallic structures. The designs evoked the refraction of a prism, blending all known architectural styles into a dizzying spectacle. Webs of cables and machinery connected everywhere. Their metallic surfaces worked some function, like gears of a clock.

Any living green, any bushes and trees, any vines that had once grown on the walls, every plane of grass that rushed by, had all withered away. It felt like abandoned decay, yet people wandered around without a care.

We stopped at what seemed like a hitching post for the horseless, and as we then continued down the street I witnessed the roads circled around, intersected by a main road that went straight to the hill and castle. As the sun set and light fell, I saw the tower and the machinery spreading a strange radiant glow, electrical, like those arc lamps I once saw, yet in rims of some artificial tint which gravitated from the inside.

I walked up to a machine attached to a wall and Erasmus followed. It pushed its moving parts slowly up and down, I felt a warmth radiating. My thoughts succumbed to the machine’s pulsating rhythm, drawn in by its haunting, soothing hum. Erasmus placed his palm on its metal and prompted me to do the same. It was warm, like a hot iron cooling off. Through my hand I clearly sensed that pulsating hum, like the pulse of a heart. Some distant waves of a dying breath.
“What’s the purpose of these?” I asked him.
"We cannot say whether it was the people who arrived first, or these structures." I felt dizzy, like the machine probed my mind, my memories, my very being.
“The mystery of the machine has lost its meaning over the ages. But what we are certain of, is our harmony with it,” Erasmus said and smiled, stroking the metal surface with reverence. I jacked back my hand, releasing myself from its soothing pull.
“Is this not some devilish scheme? As a servant of God, by what reasoning do you hold this blind trust?”
“I’m a priest no more,” he said.
“What made you abandon such sacred calling?” I challenged.
“The same as you. As a naturalist, roaming the world in search of answers, did you not find nature where others sought God?"
“This is no natural law,” I stated and turned around to observe the people in their dismal state. There were no laughter, no fights or meetings, no friends or foe. A man sold a half rotten apple to another man, a woman pruned bushes with no leaves. It appeared a simulacra of a town, a confused memory of something once living, moving parts without a soul.
“What happened to this place?” I asked Erasmus.
“Tis the end of our cycle, and little left but the wait,” he answered.
“Waiting for what?”
“We live by seasons, in all things. Spring into summer, into autumn and winter. Day turns to night, life to death. This land suffers decay when our king suffers on his deathbed.”
“Does no one rule in his place?” I asked.
“There is only the one king, until the next.”
“No royal family? Aristocrats? Gentry?”
“Only our intellectuals, our artists and scientists, but we all serve natural law. Everything repeats, everything recycles. An eternal process, sustaining the balance of all of existence,” he said.

And then the bell tolled.

—

The streets swelled up with people, wandering in a half-trance towards the hill and castle. Erasmus followed them and I followed him.
“The ceremony?” I asked.
“It is a wonder to behold,” he said. My heart pounded harder as the captain’s worry echoed in my mind. Had I been fooled by Erasmus' civilized manners? Are these just heathens masqueraded as cultured folk? Tricking me into becoming part of some devilish ritual? I looked back thinking I should run, return to the shore, back to security. Yet I followed.

Above and ahead the obsidian-looking castle loomed. A massive monolith built by forgotten hands. As we reached higher I saw back down at the town’s perfect circular symmetry. Each ring lost a human touch as iterations grew outwards, copies upon copies of itself that progressively lost any human meaning for the concept of a house.

All mechanisms and machines, pipes and cables all converged towards the castle. In the dim night light I saw the fields in the distance, those pipes and cables grew out in all directions. Did they continue further? Did they go up the inside of the mountain above? Did they reach the mountain tops above the tower? I felt sick to my stomach trying to make sense of it all, dizzy and afraid, I felt like a small child getting lost in a crowd.

All I had seen featured round shapes and circles, but the enormous center courtyard appeared traditional. Squared and fitted all townsfolk with ease. At its center, the large tower stretched hundreds of meters up towards the converging mountain tops. Built out of an unfamiliar alloy, its base held a massive machine with cables and pipes that sliced through the courtyard walls. It looked like some dark metal weed that had sprouted from the machine and out through the dark stone walls. Centered in front of us a large wooden stage with four human sized plates connected to the machine. Each had straps for arms and legs, and looked like some medieval torture method. In the middle stood an extremely large throne, featuring similar straps for arms and legs. At ground level, in front of and spliced into the front of the stage, stood a large four meter tall metal container with a closed vertical lid facing the crowd. Thousands of cables and ten large pipes connected from it to the main machine.

Whatever was about to transpire, this was expected to be the centerpiece.

A man in a ceremonial robe walked out on stage facing the crowd. He rolled out a scroll and spoke with authority. His words spawned tears of joy, some joined their palms in prayer, some fell to their knees. Erasmus leaned towards me.
“He speaks of time, how decades ago we sowed questions and now, at last, we will harvest our wisdom,” he said. I had seen many rituals by savages dancing around fires and primitive sculptures, none compared to the scale and impact of this.

Large castle doors opened and out walked three individuals dressed in similar celebratory clothing. Sashes around their necks marked with crests of a shining star. After them, out from the penumbra of darkness rolled a large wheelchair with a slumped over and coiled up, extremely tall, sickly thin man. Barely he held up his neck as he looked at the crowd.

Pale-skinned and swathed in a blood-red drape, he shakily raised his arm greeting his people. All now fell to their knees shouting
“Machyrios! Machyrios! Machyrios!”

He was their king.

As I stood there, the only one not kneeling, the king noticed my sight. His watery sick and dark black eyes pierced through my heart, a cold wave washed over me as if I was looking at something I was not supposed to see. He studied me as I reckon I've studied other subjects on my expeditions, and it dawned on me, by the horror, this was not a man, this was no normal human being. I froze in terror. The servant turned the king’s wheelchair towards the stage.

As he rose up he reached at least two and a half meters tall. He looked like a pale human spider on two legs with pointy vertebrates that pushed out his thin-skinned spine. He barely held his garment as he slowly used what seemed to be his last living strength to walk up the stairs. As the people got up on their feet I felt a relief for no longer being his center of attention. The king walked over to the metal chair and willingly let his servants strap him tight. On his head they placed a crown-shaped contraption with a translucent hose that connected to the machine. Black cables were inserted into his skin, on his arms and legs.

The man with the scroll spoke once more and Erasmus translated.
“As the land has fallen to the neglect, we begin our revolution.”

Two men in dark hoods, each on opposite sides of the machine pulled levers in sync. The tower’s humming intensified, dim lights glowed brighter and the machine roared like a buried dragon. The king’s body convulsed as electrical arcs cracked around. His body liquids and brain matter flowed into the machine through the translucent hose, compressing him into a husk of hanging skin. The crowd cheered with joy and Erasmus translated their shouts.
“The king is dead! The king is dead!”

The man spoke once more.
“Thus we sculpt our new rule.”

The other three who walked alongside the king, stepped up the stairs and placed themselves each in front of three out of the four plates. My heart sank as the man with the scroll spoke once more, I felt the crowd's eyes upon me, waiting for me. I couldn’t move. I was trapped.
“Gathering our greatest intellectuals and artists, we the people, by the tradition of old, honor one who bears with him knowledge from the beyond…”

Though the man continued his speech, Erasmus stopped translating. He turned to me in shock, his bright blue eyes teared up as he smiled. My legs were about to cave when things took a turn and Erasmus walked forward, through a gateway that formed in the crowd, and up the stairs. Greeted by the other intellectuals, everyone cheered. He cried tears of the highest honor and love. All I could do was watch this theatre of horror.

Each was given an introduction before being strapped to their plates. Erasmus willingly and joyfully smiled all the way through. The men on the side of the machine placed their hands on the levers, and the crowd cheered loudly as the men pulled once more. The four men went through the same agonizing ordeal as the king. Erasmus' body compressed, his blue eyes sucked inwards as the liquids flowed into the machine and I felt my stomach turn.

Once completed, people backed away from the centerpiece container. The machine slowed down its rattling and the pulsating hum I had heard before increased in volume. Smoke formed, electrical bulbs lit up, arcs sparked. I looked up into the sky as the tower glowed even stronger. A star had formed beyond and in between the convergent points of the mountain tops. It received some signal, or transmitted away, I couldn’t make sense as my head began to hurt.

It powered down and the container door slowly opened. Smoke sprawled out across the ground. Inside appeared an indentation with a pale, hairless man, some three meters tall. As he fell forward to a crawl, the servants wrapped him in a green cloth. He rose to his feet, showing muscular arms and legs, and a powerful demeanor able to spawn tales of giants. The crowd mustered a chant, riled up by his appearance as he opened his eyes holding out his hands.
“Machyrios! Machyrios! Machyrios!”

They dropped to their knees and as such, Machyrios saw me standing alone. I once again felt that chill, the horror as this new form of him gazed through me from something beyond all human reasoning.

With heavily pounding footsteps he approached. I couldn’t look up as I felt eyed by a dangerous beast. I saw his large naked feet in front of me as he stopped. His voice vibrated darkly with the strength of a cannon blast bouncing inside my skull. My senses were dimmed by the sheer volume of his words.
“Come and serve the eternal weave” flowed into my head. In my immediate horror I barely had the intellect left to notice that he spoke my tongue. Holding out his hand I looked up and met his piercing gaze. One dark… and one bright blue eye. His close proximity pulled my soul towards him like gravity around a star. In what I believed was my last desperate breath, I tore myself away and ran, punching through the crowd and down the hill. I sensed his pulsating energy reaching for me, clawing at my back without any need to follow.

As I ran through the town I saw the machines glowing brighter, healing themselves of rust and dust. Bushes and trees sprouted fresh green leaves and all flowed a luster. Color returned all around as the king’s voice spread after me through the machines’ vibrations.
“Do not flee the destined crown” His voice rattled my brain with the strength of a thousand volcanic roars.

Running out of town I witnessed the metal cylinders as they now worked the fields. They lifted themselves up and hammered down with a deep “thump” that echoed over and over while the wheat crops rose from deadly dry to invigorated yellow. The insect machines powered up and turned whatever eyes they had towards my desperate rush.

As I glanced back, the entire town shined bright with unnatural light, arcs of electricity sparked towards the mountain tops. I had to make it, so I ran till my blood boiled fire.

I reached the forest edge and I was greeted by the crew, mesmerized by the distant glow. Penrose blathered and pointed with fascination towards the strange electrical arcs.

I heard the rumbling sound of metal thumping the road behind.

“Go back! Run!” I crashed into their midst, screaming at them. The captain noticed first, and he and the crew took to their heels. Penrose battling to hold onto his brushes and painting stand seemed oblivious to the approaching threat. By some unexplained idiocy, he refused to let go of his gear. Falling behind, I heard the machines catch up with him. I turned back and saw the thing drag him away.

It gave us time to push the rowboat out to sea. We jumped in, and as the crew rowed like they never had before, another machine halted its pursuit on the pier. Behind it, beyond the treeline we saw flashing arcs bounce between the insides of the mountain, like a thunderstorm dancing beneath a clear, starlit sky. The unknown energy radiated outward and felt like Machyrios himself breathing under my skin.

My heart hammered like I’ve never felt. Sweat pouring all over. The captain stared in shock at the machine on the pier.
“What devilry is this Dr. Graystone!? What is that thing!?” he asked in an exhausted panic. I could not answer.

—

Here I am, shut in my cabin, drifting in circles around the island. There is no logic from which we operate that will save us from our predicament. This is the king’s doing, and to fix it, there is a price to be paid. No blood, no silver. No trade, no slaves. No culture or faith we brought with us will suffice. It’s a price only I can pay.

If I do, perhaps the crew and captain will find their way home. And yet, a thought scrapes inside my skull, pulsing like a headache, a peculiar pull. Returning home, I would only ever be able to muster tall tales to be laughed at. But that’s not who I am. I am a naturalist, seeking knowledge, not one to turn my back on it.

Fearing no God, I will ascend the deck in the morning and greet those terrifying fiends. I believe it is my destiny after all.

Benedict Greystone, signing off.

Comments (37)

Jamal December 16, 2024 at 21:56 #953966
I loved it. An affectionate pastiche of Victorian science fiction and adventure stories, along the lines of Poe, Verne, Wells, and Haggard (a genre I’m fond of). The pastiche isn’t perfect, because I think English isn’t the author’s first language, but it doesn’t really matter, because the story is told with energy and enthusiasm—in fact it makes the choice of pastiche even more impressive.

I really appreciated the turn to horror:

Quoting Noble Dust
His body liquids and brain matter flowed into the machine through the translucent hose, compressing him into a husk of hanging skin. The crowd cheered with joy and Erasmus translated their shouts.
“The king is dead! The king is dead!”


I liked this because the climactic ceremony could so easily have been something more lacklustrely mystical or info-dumpy. As it was, it was unexpected, exciting and quite disturbing.

I enjoyed many of the similes and the descriptions were great. Like this:

Quoting Noble Dust
It appeared a simulacra of a town, a confused memory of something once living, moving parts without a soul.


Great work!
Vera Mont December 18, 2024 at 23:24 #954510
very interesting story. dare i say conradian? elements of fable, science fiction and exploration.
i found it intriguing enough to wish for more : what happens next? what will his role be among the intellectuals? what happens to penrose? how does the renewed town work? i'm ready for the sequel.

aside from from some odd wording, i found this story readable and enjoyable as well as fascinating of content. excellent contribution!
Caldwell December 20, 2024 at 05:35 #954747
The island is populated by intellectuals and ruled by a king. Each season the town goes into the 'dry' spell and everything becomes decrepit. So, they perform the ritual by sacrificing the king and a handful of intellectuals to bring it back to life.
The irony is Greystone, as a scientist, did succumb to the supernatural power of the island and decided to sacrifice himself, too, so the rest of the crew could go home.

It's a very good story telling. Well written and imaginative horror and science fiction.

Somehow it reminds me of H.G Wells The Island of Dr. Moreau. In this story, Pendrick was shipwrecked and rescued and taken to the island.





Janus December 21, 2024 at 23:32 #955024
I enjoyed this. Vivid imagery evoked the scenes very effectively. I was a little put off by some strange turns of phrase, but that was a minor concern.
Noble Dust December 22, 2024 at 19:36 #955129
Despite the length, this one certainly kept my interest. I like the weird world built up, the mystery of the apparent technological advancement of this society, the weird mysticism of their ritual to crown a new king, etc. The pacing of the narrative is well done; there's a crescendo to it.
praxis December 23, 2024 at 04:35 #955203
Recently read Verne‘s The Mysterious Island and couldn’t help but continually think of that story while reading this one.
hypericin December 24, 2024 at 07:06 #955378
This is a pretty damn good facsimile of 19th century adventure fiction. It might have appeared in the pulp magazines of the time. I like how it turned a bit toward horror near the end. As Jamal said, this is much better than many of the more obvious, boring alternatives. The small mistakes mentioned by others don't detract much from the polish of this writing. Very, very well done!

I didn't understand the choice to italicize the quotes. What is that about?
Baden December 24, 2024 at 09:01 #955382
Thumping good story. Waded through the beginning with a little scepticism, but the fast-moving plot and the skilful use of imagery soon put the wind in my sails. The story also evoked some philosophical thoughts on the nature of desire, but I haven't worked those out enough to expand on that. Well done, author. :clap:
Jack Cummins December 24, 2024 at 12:02 #955399
I enjoyed this one and thought that the extreme clarity in writing helped. It made it an easy read and there was the right balance of narrative and description. What I particularly liked was the combination of retro and futuristism. Also, these seemed to be blended together seamlessly, with no incongruities. I feel that the author has done very good work in writing this story.
ucarr December 26, 2024 at 21:43 #955780
Reply to The Author

Interesting character arc for Greystone: at first confidence on the cusp of arrogance; next, courage within the toothy maw of challenge; now deep inside with stoic observation of the gathering shades; finally, caught by infernal powers unknown and ready to dive into the tragic direction of self-sacrifice.


Amity December 27, 2024 at 11:45 #955859
The Nexus Crown

Nexus: a central core with a series of interconnections. A hub of continuity.
Crown: a circular symbol of authority. A head, usually of royalty.

The story starts with a clear introduction. A personal note from the main character Dr Benedict Greystone, (hereafter Dr )Who is he writing this for? Is there a special someone? Is it a message sent in a bottle? A start or ending of his diary? The time is September, 1827. A time of exploration and colonisation. British Empire strikes again.

The reader is drawn straight away into a stressful, potentially dangerous situation. A ship stuck with no wind, after a terrible storm. The crew and scientific team have no idea of place. And what are these strange oscillating mechanisms hovering above? Introduced to sailing master, Fenwick and Captain Francis. The former drunk and cursing the fiends who 'stole the breath from our sails'.

Already, we get the impression of hysterical superstition. Evil causes, instead of it being nature.
The objective scientists who debate the next course of action. But being ignorant in their own way, 'no solution yet in sight'.

We are given a glimpse into the Dr's beliefs and state of mind:

Quoting Noble Dust
“We never should’ve dropped anchor here! Those heathens and their devilry!” I heard a quartermaster scream. Rubbish! I thought. There are no heathens here but us. The uncultured savages, the children in need of enlightenment by this lost paradise.
Have I fallen to madness? Why does this strange urge pull at my reason, urging me to return?
By the stars, give me sanity.


Has he been here before? The reader is hooked.
He seems to know they are in a place, a 'lost paradise' which will enlighten them, as children.

Another character, artist Penrose is having no luck: Quoting Noble Dust
Jonathan Penrose’s freshly painted observations were lost to seawater. I choked on salty air as my stomach crashed against the flow of rising and falling cabins. Roaring flashes of light glistened on the eyes and sweat of our crew.


All senses are vividly evoked by the author. I reach for some Kwells.

Some background is given to this 5yr expedition, extended by 2yrs.
The Dr's official purpose: Quoting Noble Dust
to find anthropological evidence for monogenism, or in common tongue, to trace how humanity sprung from a singular source.


I like this 'common tongue'. Plain language. But also linked to the idea of monogenism: how language originated from a single source. So, it's all down to Adam! The original man as described in the Old Testament. A religious theme combined with exploration. What's not to like?

We can also wonder about any unofficial, personal goal.
How will the main character develop?
His pride has fallen and he sees it all as a big waste of time and effort. The crew view him with hostility:

Quoting Noble Dust
Pride and confidence had turned a brittle mask, and the others saw the cracks. They awaited the moment to punish me for my fruitless efforts


The author gives us a good sense of the threatening atmosphere. But we have a saving grace. The sound of seagulls: 'like sirens turning angels'. Signalling land ahead. An island.

Quoting Noble Dust
Its white cliffs resembled the seaweed-scented shores of home. Yet no nostalgia held its might against the view above its autumn trees. The crew wiped their eyes as if sea salt had pulled a jest on their minds, yet, it remained.


Unfortunately, my image is that of white cliffs strewn by smelly, green seaweed. Hanging down in curtains. But it isn't that, of course. It is nostalgia for a warm summer in Dover, England.
Here, we are in a strange land, in the season of autumn.

Moving on.
The Dr has high aspirations. A James Cook character, and outstanding British explorer.

He is selfish, giving no heed to the needs of the crew. He doesn't want to stop for a drink. He has a pressing urge - 'a childish excitement'. So, he, the Captain and a crew member set off.

Descriptions follow of a sickly and strange interior. The Captain is not impressed. The Dr tries to cheer him up. The promise is that of Fame. Captain still unmoved. But then, the reader shares a remarkable view. A symmetrical town, surrounding a hilltop, complete with impossibly enormous black castle and tall tower.
Quoting Noble Dust
"Good heavens, Dr. Graystone! By what chart or reason did we arrive here?” the captain gasped at me. Our crewman squeezed his grip on his musket.
“Fame and glory dear Francis,” I smirked .


The Dr is pleased with himself. It looks like he will be famous. A prestigious return to England. He will be distinguished and honoured. A crown of glory awaits.
So far, so good...

To be continued...











Amity December 27, 2024 at 11:54 #955862
This story is the longest ever. I think it comes in at 6 words short of the max 5,000!
I intend to keep my feedback as short as possible - but it's difficult. There's so much to ponder.
A challenge for me, in every way...
Will skip bits. Particularly some dense and wordy descriptions.
Amity-style flying out of the window. Needs must. :cool:
Amity December 27, 2024 at 15:42 #955886
The Nexus Crown (continued)

A middle-aged woman in rags working the rotten land, pointed the Dr to the town and uttered the word "Machyrios'. The author speaks of the language as strange, unknown yet known 'as all languages spoken at the same time'. Keeping the reader in touch with the Doc's official research purpose.

Then, the first mention of one of the connecting, metal pipes and its effect. The 'pulsating rumble' likened to the faint heartbeat in his dying father's hand. Is this a living artery, a natural phenomenon, within a mechanical structure. Is this part of the nexus?

Next, we are introduced to a main character, Erasmus, tuning his car. When the Dr hesitantly asks about Machyrios, he replies that he is not the king. Is this where the crown of the title enters the picture? It seems so. The central core of the story.

We get the backstory of Erasmus who came to the island 40yrs ago. He has changed from being a superior missionary to an explorer of nature. This gets to the nub of the matter. Central to the plot.
The changing attitude from a dogmatic obedience to religious masters to that of intellectual curiosity.
We will see how that plays out, later. Now, the question turns to what happened to the rest of his colleagues and crew, why did he stay:

Quoting Noble Dust
All those foolish expeditions, believing ourselves standing taller above what we don’t even know or understand. Servants of fools, we’re small children dancing to stupid fairy tales,” he mumbled. The captain stepped forward.
“Where are the remainder of your brethren?” he asked and Erasmus studied him.
“They returned home,” he said in passing and continued his chariot tuning.
“Yet not you?” the captain inquired further.
“It was the price to pay, and I paid mine freely.”


The Captain helps his ailing crew member back to the ship. The Dr makes the decision to stay. He remains of a contemptuous mind set. He is superior and he wants to win his prize:
Quoting Noble Dust
I pitied the poor fellow crewman for his untutored mind that yielded so swiftly to the strain of these inexplicable sights. I gazed down the road at the distant town and thought, I couldn’t risk returning empty handed due to weaker minds fleeing this wondrous destiny.


At what cost?

We are told of the cycle of life and death. The renewal of the good, after a spell of famine.
Sounds increasingly biblical. The people's suffering not alleviated by the intellectuals:
Quoting Noble Dust
"When the bell tolls, by nightfall, the ritual shall commence, and our cycle will be renewed once again."
"And what of your intellectuals? Shall they not produce a remedy for the people's suffering?" I asked.
“They cannot, as they prepare themselves for the coming ceremony,” he answered and I watched as the town approached, feeling even more lost than before.


More descriptions of the metallic, geared nexus. The author speaks of 'abandoned decay, yet people wandered around without a care'. This doesn't fit.

More about the machine's pulsating rhythm emanating from the tower. Its hum soothed. The author repeats the previous analogy. The heart beat. 'Some distant waves of a dying breath'.

Erasmus talks of its mystery but knows the harmony within it. The doc thinks it devilish and a blind trust, he pulls away. Erasmus thinks it natural. The doctor disagrees. Observing the people in their dismal state. This passage is great:
Quoting Noble Dust
There were no laughter, no fights or meetings, no friends or foe. A man sold a half rotten apple to another man, a woman pruned bushes with no leaves. It appeared a simulacra of a town, a confused memory of something once living, moving parts without a soul.
“What happened to this place?” I asked Erasmus.
“Tis the end of our cycle, and little left but the wait,” he answered.
“Waiting for what?”


The suspense builds. We sense an important turning point. And it is to do with the king and crown.
The decay reflects the dying king. Until the season cycles on. Nature. The rulers seem to be:

Quoting Noble Dust

“Only our intellectuals, our artists and scientists, but we all serve natural law. Everything repeats, everything recycles. An eternal process, sustaining the balance of all of existence,” he said.

And then the bell tolled.


How 'natural' is this? The action starts. Heading to the climactic ceremony and some serious scariness:

The nexus is described. The machine centre stage is like a torture chamber. A throne central.
Surrounded by 4 human-sized plates, connected to the machine. The author does well here to show the authority of a sacred scroll, played out in scale. Impactful.

The failing king meets the Dr's eyes. We see it all:
Quoting Noble Dust
His watery sick and dark black eyes pierced through my heart, a cold wave washed over me as if I was looking at something I was not supposed to see. He studied me as I reckon I've studied other subjects on my expeditions, and it dawned on me, by the horror, this was not a man, this was no normal human being. I froze in terror. The servant turned the king’s wheelchair towards the stage.


This is where we share the fear. It grips us. Compelling and moving us on:
Quoting Noble Dust
On his head they placed a crown-shaped contraption with a translucent hose that connected to the machine. Black cables were inserted into his skin, on his arms and legs. [...] His body liquids and brain matter flowed into the machine through the translucent hose, compressing him into a husk of hanging skin. The crowd cheered with joy and Erasmus translated their shouts.
“The king is dead! The king is dead!”

The man spoke once more.
“Thus we sculpt our new rule.”


The king is dead, long live the king. The generations of patriarchal rule continue. Empire.

The Dr is trapped, held by the eyes of the crowd. But it is Erasmus, with his bright blue eyes, who is given the honour. He joins 3 other intellectuals. The chosen to be amalgamated as King:Quoting Noble Dust
Erasmus' body compressed, his blue eyes sucked inwards as the liquids flowed into the machine and I felt my stomach turn.


The new King Machyrios has his eyes on the Dr who hears the voice telling him to come and serve the eternal weave. The King speaks English. His eyes are a piercing dark and bright blue. The blue of Erasmus. Genetics.

This is a nightmare with great sense of movement and noise:Quoting Noble Dust
“ Do not flee the destined crown ” His voice rattled my brain with the strength of a thousand volcanic roars.


Hammering of metal and deep thumps follow. The Dr runs for his life to return to the ship. His blood 'boiled fire'. He screams a warning to the camp. Everyone takes heed, except Penrose. He refused to let go of his art and equipment. The thing dragged him away. To what? Death or to replace an intellectual?

The Dr and crew escape the machine on the pier. They are safe on board the ship. But circling the island. Drifting.

Quoting Noble Dust
“What devilry is this Dr. Graystone!? What is that thing!?” he asked in an exhausted panic. I could not answer.


There is no logic. What next? The Dr has a decision to make.
To fix the problem he must sacrifice himself. He discovers who he really is. He appears to be unselfish, but is he? He knows he will not receive the recognition he deserves. He had never heard of the return of previous crews. He would be scorned.

Quoting Noble Dust
I would only ever be able to muster tall tales to be laughed at. But that’s not who I am. I am a naturalist, seeking knowledge, not one to turn my back on it.

Fearing no God, I will ascend the deck in the morning and greet those terrifying fiends. I believe it is my destiny after all.

Benedict Greystone, signing off.


And so, he writes his note to nobody in particular. To be or not to be a king with crown?

***
The story comes to an end. But is it satisfactory?
Is he brave or is this a tale to be told to impressionable young boys? How to be masculine. In a world of changing power.

The main character, I have a certain degree of sympathy with. But I didn't find him charismatic.
I felt a coldness. But perhaps that is due to my dislike of this genre. Male-oriented, adventure heroics. Patriarchal power and control still evident in politics, religion and academia.

For me, there is a distance.

However, I recognise that this is a story well told. It raises interesting questions. And we feel the emotions. The hard decisions to be taken by an individual. To be true to self or to bow to regimes. Can we do both? Perhaps, we must. The author is to be congratulated for writing in a language not his own. The flaws easily looked over. The readers generous with respect for very good work. Very well done! :sparkle:


































Tobias December 27, 2024 at 22:14 #955979
Quoting Amity
The main character, I have a certain degree of sympathy with. But I didn't find him charismatic.
I felt a coldness. But perhaps that is due to my dislike of this genre. Male-oriented, adventure heroics. Patriarchal power and control still evident in politics, religion and academia.


Wow... I was instantly gripped by the story. It is riveting and the horror is masterfully done. I am remembering a section from Stephen King's The Dark Tower sag in which the protagonists stumble upon a town called Lud in which the population lives in a town of our times but does not know anymore what the machines are for. They worship the machines like kings. This story reaches the same level of delirious ritualism. It is a nightmare story, but the nightmare of someone living in Victorian London. Utterly captivating.

I loved the coldness in the portrayal of the main character. The character is very much of his time. He carries simple gifts, mirrors to garner the favours of the 'uncultured'. His vocabulary mirrors the vocabulary and thoughts of his time. His arrogance also at not kneeling. He serves the British Empire, never any need to kneel. This place though is of a different degree altogether. It is a continuation of the industrialisation he admires. but spiraling into the grotesque, like our culture has spiraled into the grotesque from the point of view of a Victorian Londoner. I really love this story. It is indeed very patriarchal, with the king being three meters tall (odd to use the metric system in the story by the way, but hey), but it is a patriarchy gone wild logic and science of the top.

I do not know how 'masculine' this story actually is. I taste a lot of Mary Shelley here, for me it reads like a modern day 'Frankenstein'. Actually, come to think of it, Frankenstein meets Hobbes as the body of the king represents quite literally the 'body politic', the leviathan. It is the state and in what condition it is in, the state is in. He is literally his citizens combined.
Wonderful story.
Tobias December 27, 2024 at 22:18 #955982
Quoting Noble Dust
Captain Francis locked himself in his cabin. I and the remaining science team, still debating our next course of action, no solution yet in sight.
“We never should’ve dropped anchor here! Those heathens and their devilry!” I heard a quartermaster scream. Rubbish! I thought. There are no heathens here but us. The uncultured savages, the children in need of enlightenment by this lost paradise.

Have I fallen to madness? Why does this strange urge pull at my reason, urging me to return?


A more prozaic thought, I think this comes from the very end of the story actually. They drift around the island with the oscilating mechanisms and cannot escape. It dawns on the main character more and more that he has to return...
Amity December 27, 2024 at 22:41 #955985
Reply to Tobias
Thank you for explaining how this story works its horrors to perform. And how the coldness is intentional.
I just couldn't make the connections. Blocked by my own perceptions, blinded by dislike of the genre.

Quoting Tobias
I loved the coldness in the portrayal of the main character. The character is very much of his time. He carries simple gifts, mirrors to garner the favours of the 'uncultured'. His vocabulary mirrors the vocabulary and thoughts of his time. His arrogance also at not kneeling. He serves the British Empire, never any need to kneel. This place though is of a different degree altogether. It is a continuation of the industrialisation he admires. but spiraling into the grotesque, like our culture has spiraled into the grotesque from the point of view of a Victorian Londoner.


My apologies to the author for not fully comprehending. Like I said, it was not an easy read for me.

***

Quoting Tobias
Actually, come to think of it, Frankenstein meets Hobbes as the body of the king represents quite literally the 'body politic', the leviathan. It is the state and in what condition it is in, the state is in. He is literally his citizens combined.
Wonderful story.


This is so perceptive, Tobias! And the author, too, must have had this in mind.
Better watch out, your combined intelligence might be absorbed into the Borg! Resistance is futile...

Quoting Wiki - Leviathan (Hobbes book)
Hobbes begins his treatise on politics with an account of human nature. He presents an image of man as matter in motion, attempting to show through example how everything about humanity can be explained materialistically, that is, without recourse to an incorporeal, immaterial soul or a faculty for understanding ideas that are external to the human mind.

Life is but a motion of limbs. For what is the heart, but a spring; and the nerves, but so many strings; and the joints, but so many wheels, giving motion to the whole body, such as was intended by the Artificer?


Well, this is cold. There seems to be no room for spirit?

I don't share this outlook:

Hope is nothing more than an appetite for a thing combined with an opinion that it can be had.
- wiki above.

The story certainly is thought-provoking. :sparkle: :up:

Amity December 27, 2024 at 22:52 #955990
Quoting Tobias
A more prozaic thought, I think this comes from the very end of the story actually. They drift around the island with the oscilating mechanisms and cannot escape. It dawns on the main character more and more that he has to return...


Clever move by the author! I did wonder about the sense of being there before. Circling round. Like the seasons...
I'm so glad that we are all able to discuss the stories. Exploring how our minds work. And making the connections. I should read this again but I have the Bunny Story patiently waiting his turn.

Tobias December 27, 2024 at 23:07 #955994
Quoting Amity
Well, this is cold. There seems to be no room for spirit?


No, not in Hobbes I am afraid. The world, the mind, the soul, is matter in motion, that is all there is to it. I once debated a philosophy teacher. He claimed Hobbes take on human kind was overly simplistic, I defended it. I did a good job because he became angry at me... But ay, now I think he was right, it is overly simplistic.
Amity December 27, 2024 at 23:14 #955997
Quoting Tobias
But ay, now I think he was right, it is overly simplistic.


A philosophy teacher, angry? That can't possibly be! Perhaps he just didn't like your style :wink:

So, how long did it take for you to change your mind? What or who brought it about?
Tobias December 27, 2024 at 23:30 #956002
Ohh he did not. He was right, I was too cocky. He was himself also too arrogant and he underestimated me. That was why he became angry. Anyway, I will gladly tell you why I changed my mind, but it would distract from the story so I feel loath to do it here. I really admire the authors and their work. It is so good! The deserve the speculation and attention, which you always so graciously provide :blush:
Amity December 27, 2024 at 23:36 #956003
Reply to Tobias :smile: Quoting Tobias
I really admire the authors and their work. It is so good! The deserve the speculation and attention, which you always so graciously provide


Where would we be without people telling their stories, fiction or otherwise. Love this activity :clap: :fire:

Benkei December 28, 2024 at 14:35 #956110
Very Lovecraftian. It had a cthulhu vibe.
Vera Mont December 28, 2024 at 18:07 #956181
Quoting hypericin
I didn't understand the choice to italicize the quotes. What is that about?

I believe they did that in 19th century publications.
Christoffer January 03, 2025 at 01:47 #957784
Quoting Jamal
I loved it.


Big thanks! :cheer:

Quoting Jamal
The pastiche isn’t perfect, because I think English isn’t the author’s first language


I really like to hear some examples of what you felt tipped you off about that. Would be nice learning.

Quoting Jamal
I liked this because the climactic ceremony could so easily have been something more lacklustrely mystical or info-dumpy. As it was, it was unexpected, exciting and quite disturbing.


I had this climax in my head as the central idea and then wrote the story around it.

Quoting Jamal
along the lines of Poe, Verne, Wells, and Haggard


The funny thing is that while I know of all their stories, through other works, adaptations and just general literature knowledge, I've never actually read any of them. Tends to happen with such well known authors, there's so much in culture that stem from them it still inspired indirectly.

What spawned the story was mainly a mix of the ceremony idea and the heavily researched Robert Egger's script and movie The Lighthouse. The lyrics of that 19th century style.

Basically, what's the worse idea to do when not being a native English speaker? Attempt to write 19th century English with all the nuances between classes on a ship :grimace: :sweat:

Quoting Vera Mont
very interesting story. dare i say conradian? elements of fable, science fiction and exploration.
i found it intriguing enough to wish for more : what happens next? what will his role be among the intellectuals? what happens to penrose? how does the renewed town work? i'm ready for the sequel.


Conradian? That's a hell of a praise! Big thanks for that. :cheer:

I won't spoil any interpretations too much, but as Erasmus mentions
Quoting Erasmus
“Only our intellectuals, our artists and scientists, but we all serve natural law. Everything repeats, everything recycles. An eternal process, sustaining the balance of all of existence,”


Quoting Vera Mont
aside from from some odd wording, i found this story readable and enjoyable as well as fascinating of content. excellent contribution!


Thanks! I would like to hear some example of the odd wording, would be nice to learn what didn't work. :cheer:

Quoting Caldwell
Somehow it reminds me of H.G Wells The Island of Dr. Moreau. In this story, Pendrick was shipwrecked and rescued and taken to the island.


Thanks! I had forgot about how that story went, so there might have been some subconscious stuff going on there. Forgot about Pendrick, sounds like Penrose, even though I mostly chose random common names of the era and Penrose felt nice as a nod to Roger Penrose.

Quoting Janus
I enjoyed this. Vivid imagery evoked the scenes very effectively. I was a little put off by some strange turns of phrase, but that was a minor concern.


Thanks! You're not alone in feeling some of the phrases were odd, so I would love if you had any examples of those. I tried to stay in a sort of halfway-19th century style, so either it was that kind of odd mixup of modern and old English, or just because I'm not a native speaker, so would be nice to hear some examples :cheer:

Quoting Noble Dust
Despite the length, this one certainly kept my interest. I like the weird world built up, the mystery of the apparent technological advancement of this society, the weird mysticism of their ritual to crown a new king, etc. The pacing of the narrative is well done; there's a crescendo to it.


Thanks! :cheer: Nice that it kept the interest throughout since it's maximized in length. Feels a bit bad to have given such harsh critique on your story when you liked mine, but I liked a lot of your story too, which might have been hard to spot through my rants. :monkey:

Quoting praxis
Recently read Verne‘s The Mysterious Island and couldn’t help but continually think of that story while reading this one.


I've only been shamefully shallow in my awareness of all the works of Verne and HG wells etc. so I didn't know the plot of that one, but after I've read up on it, it sure has some similarities. Especially the mysterious central technology (Nautilus) and Nemo himself as an old man. Even though the stories differ, there might be some archetypical stuff going on here that unconsciously went into the writing.

Quoting hypericin
This is a pretty damn good facsimile of 19th century adventure fiction. It might have appeared in the pulp magazines of the time. I like how it turned a bit toward horror near the end. As Jamal said, this is much better than many of the more obvious, boring alternatives. The small mistakes mentioned by others don't detract much from the polish of this writing. Very, very well done!


Big thanks man! :cheer: The irony of me never having read any of the classics of Verne and Wells etc. but I of course have lots of knowledge of them all from the collective unconscious as it exists in a lot of western culture, but never read any of the originals. Some Lovecraft inspired as well.

I wanted a sense of the dialogue writing in Robert Eggers' "The Lighthouse" surrounding the basic idea for the ritual. Cyclical societies and history, revolutions being ritualized as a form of governing stability. So much happened during the 1750-1850, French revolution including, so I thought, what happens if I take all the stuff and some of the history interpretations of Hegelian synthesis within the cycles of history and made a society out of it, operating on cycles incorporating the best and worst of these cycles as a form of stability.

The how and why of this place shall remain unknown.
Christoffer January 03, 2025 at 02:27 #957788
Quoting Baden
Thumping good story. Waded through the beginning with a little scepticism, but the fast-moving plot and the skilful use of imagery soon put the wind in my sails. The story also evoked some philosophical thoughts on the nature of desire, but I haven't worked those out enough to expand on that. Well done, author. :clap:


Thanks! :cheer: Interesting about your thoughts on the nature of desire. I would like to hear more about those ideas if you have more to say on that. :fire:

Quoting Jack Cummins
I enjoyed this one and thought that the extreme clarity in writing helped. It made it an easy read and there was the right balance of narrative and description. What I particularly liked was the combination of retro and futuristism. Also, these seemed to be blended together seamlessly, with no incongruities. I feel that the author has done very good work in writing this story.


Thank you! :cheer: I had this idea as a sci-fi story first, but with the themes of it I felt that it had its home in the 19th century, during industrial revolutions and other revolutionary ideas. Taking the arrogance of those western men and made them the underdeveloped people instead.

Quoting ucarr
Interesting character arc for Greystone: at first confidence on the cusp of arrogance; next, courage within the toothy maw of challenge; now deep inside with stoic observation of the gathering shades; finally, caught by infernal powers unknown and ready to dive into the tragic direction of self-sacrifice.


Thanks! Though, I think that Greystone's arrogance turned against him to the point of pride in feeling chosen. He may not have had any great future going with the ship and that crew, so I would say he's more selfish than heroic :wink:

Reply to Amity

Thanks for the detailed and nice walkthrough! :fire: :cheer: It means a lot to hear!

Quoting Amity
Unfortunately, my image is that of white cliffs strewn by smelly, green seaweed. Hanging down in curtains. But it isn't that, of course. It is nostalgia for a warm summer in Dover, England.


I might have written that a bit odd, yes, it's Dover as an image. Green seaweed I think I meant sensed as a smell in the air there. Though, I've never been there so I might be totally wrong in it smelling like that? :grimace:

Quoting Amity
The Dr has high aspirations. A James Cook character, and outstanding British explorer.

He is selfish, giving no heed to the needs of the crew. He doesn't want to stop for a drink. He has a pressing urge - 'a childish excitement'. So, he, the Captain and a crew member set off.


Yeah, he mainly thinks of himself like James Cook, or in arrogance he wants to beat Cook at his game. He's basically an asshole in that regard.

Quoting Amity
This story is the longest ever. I think it comes in at 6 words short of the max 5,000!


It was 6200 words in its first draft. I'm not very good at writing short stories.

Quoting Amity
The author repeats the previous analogy. The heart beat. 'Some distant waves of a dying breath'.


A land... a kingdom dying by exhaustion.

Quoting Amity
To fix the problem he must sacrifice himself. He discovers who he really is. He appears to be unselfish, but is he? He knows he will not receive the recognition he deserves. He had never heard of the return of previous crews. He would be scorned.


Yeah, I don't think he is. The self-deluding narrative of being moral. He wants to be part of something greater, like part of the big league of explorers and those on the edge of discovery. What better than being part of something beyond the ordinary. Scorned by lesser men or stay and be loved.

Quoting Amity
The story comes to an end. But is it satisfactory?
Is he brave or is this a tale to be told to impressionable young boys? How to be masculine. In a world of changing power.

The main character, I have a certain degree of sympathy with. But I didn't find him charismatic.
I felt a coldness. But perhaps that is due to my dislike of this genre. Male-oriented, adventure heroics. Patriarchal power and control still evident in politics, religion and academia.

For me, there is a distance.

However, I recognise that this is a story well told. It raises interesting questions. And we feel the emotions. The hard decisions to be taken by an individual. To be true to self or to bow to regimes. Can we do both? Perhaps, we must. The author is to be congratulated for writing in a language not his own. The flaws easily looked over. The readers generous with respect for very good work. Very well done!


I didn't think of Greystone as a hero, he was basically an asshole, looking out for himself and his ego in absolute arrogance and hubris. A central idea for this was to flip the adventure narrative of 19th century stories; a critique on the intellectuals of that time and their arrogance when facing the cultures they encountered. In the end Greystone wasn't a hero or sacrificed himself for the crew, he recognized that he was just a little man and the only way to be anything was to succumb to this strange and powerful society, far beyond the understanding of his.

As I see it there were no heroics in it, only cowards with hubris. The captain and Fenwick might be the only ones bright enough to grasp their place in this land, and they mostly retreated away. So I think Greystone got what he deserved, the recognition as an intellectual to the point of being put in his place by some unknown power. If anything, it's rather anti-patriarchal, the King is called a king only in name, he's no man, no human, he's something else, beyond humanity. An abandonment of the parameters of how humans see society and power, some... natural force of unknown origin.

Thanks for the long deconstruction, it was a blast reading through your reaction! :cheer:


Vera Mont January 03, 2025 at 02:36 #957790
Quoting Christoffer
I would like to hear some example of the odd wording, would be nice to learn what didn't work. :cheer:


I'll come back with fresh eyes tomorrow.
Christoffer January 03, 2025 at 02:51 #957792
Quoting Tobias
Wow... I was instantly gripped by the story. It is riveting and the horror is masterfully done.


Big thanks man! :cheer: really nice to hear!

Quoting Tobias
I am remembering a section from Stephen King's The Dark Tower sag in which the protagonists stumble upon a town called Lud in which the population lives in a town of our times but does not know anymore what the machines are for. They worship the machines like kings. This story reaches the same level of delirious ritualism. It is a nightmare story, but the nightmare of someone living in Victorian London. Utterly captivating.


Many have noted Verne and HG wells and Lovecraft, but one that I've really read is the whole Dark Tower saga, but I totally forgot about that while writing this. Still, it must have rested there in my subconscious mind. I'm always fascinated by the experience of writing stories, how the flow of ideas remixes stuff, somehow without being conscious of it.

Quoting Tobias
I loved the coldness in the portrayal of the main character. The character is very much of his time. He carries simple gifts, mirrors to garner the favours of the 'uncultured'. His vocabulary mirrors the vocabulary and thoughts of his time. His arrogance also at not kneeling. He serves the British Empire, never any need to kneel. This place though is of a different degree altogether. It is a continuation of the industrialisation he admires.


Very on point observation of Greystone. He's an embodiment of the arrogance and attitude of that era, especially of the western empires, thinking of themselves as superior in all things. Primarily in the form of an "unknown" explorer who's never found his glory and it has driven him to be an asshole who merely looks out for his own path forward.

Quoting Tobias
It is indeed very patriarchal, with the king being three meters tall (odd to use the metric system in the story by the way, but hey), but it is a patriarchy gone wild logic and science of the top.

I do not know how 'masculine' this story actually is. I taste a lot of Mary Shelley here, for me it reads like a modern day 'Frankenstein'. Actually, come to think of it, Frankenstein meets Hobbes as the body of the king represents quite literally the 'body politic', the leviathan. It is the state and in what condition it is in, the state is in. He is literally his citizens combined.
Wonderful story.


I thought more of it as transcending our power structures. The king is named king mostly by the people's preferred ideas of power and authority, though is the king a man? A human at all? Is there actually any form for this power?

It's interesting you mention Hobbes and Leviathan. My initial idea was based in Hegelian synthesis through a historical cyclical form. How history repeats and cycles, recycles, embodying the conflicting ideas of before into a new form, a synthesis that revitalize society. A form of society that has been formed or evolved to embody the state of prosperity slowly falling into decay and then performing a ritual of revolution that birth a new ruler.

But, of course! Leviathan is such a good interpretation! I didn't consciously think about Hobbes, but it's so freakin on point by you to mention that! Really good observation that I didn't even think of!

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Quoting Tobias
A more prozaic thought, I think this comes from the very end of the story actually. They drift around the island with the oscilating mechanisms and cannot escape. It dawns on the main character more and more that he has to return..


Yes, correct. The beginning is the present day and he's revisiting the events that has transpired. Then we return to present day.

Thanks for the wonderful interpretations and observations! :cheer:

Quoting Benkei
Very Lovecraftian. It had a cthulhu vibe.


Yes, had Lovecraft in mind :up: there's even a hint at some kind of cosmic thing going on through the emerging star, but how, why, where, when I will let remain unknown. Thanks!

Quoting hypericin
I didn't understand the choice to italicize the quotes. What is that about?

Quoting Vera Mont
I believe they did that in 19th century publications.


They did? I only did the italicized dialogue out of letting the format be easier to read, but maybe this is true that older prose used italicized text like that? Maybe I'm getting old :sweat:
Jamal January 03, 2025 at 03:50 #957797
Quoting Jamal
The pastiche isn’t perfect, because I think English isn’t the author’s first language


Quoting Christoffer
I really like to hear some examples of what you felt tipped you off about that. Would be nice learning.


Thank you for asking. I love it when I get the chance to be pedantic.

Quoting Noble Dust
he said and thrusted the telescope into my chest and hands


Quoting Noble Dust
the captain grinded his teeth and spat salt


Quoting Noble Dust
As I glanced back, the entire town shined bright with unnatural light


The standard and more natural past tenses would be thrust, ground, and shone, in 19th century English too I think.

Quoting Noble Dust
Blasted, what a deplorable waste it had been.


“Blasted” can be used as an adjective, but here it should be “Blast it” or just “Blast”.

Quoting Noble Dust
Pride and confidence had turned a brittle mask, and the others saw the cracks


I could be wrong but “turned a brittle mask” doesn’t seem to be a natural locution. I’d expect to see something more like, “My pride and confidence had turned to/into (alternatively, become/formed) a brittle mask …”

Quoting Noble Dust
The crew wiped their eyes as if sea salt had pulled a jest on their minds


Idiomatically, I think one pulls a joke or a prank, but one plays a jest.

Quoting Noble Dust
half rotting food


“Half rotten” or “half-rotten” are more natural.

Quoting Noble Dust
the king noticed my sight


If this means that the king noticed you looking, it should be something like “the king noticed my gaze”, “met my gaze”, “noticed my stare” etc.

Quoting Noble Dust
Are these just heathens masqueraded as cultured folk?


Masquerading.

Quoting Noble Dust
There is no logic from which we operate that will save us from our predicament.


No logic by which.

On the other hand, several passages were perfect and convincing, like these:

Quoting Noble Dust
Around us, dried up fields of withered wheat crops cut through by the path of the white granite road. Yet the most remarkable view laid straight ahead. At the far end of the road sprawled a large symmetrical town. It encircled a hilltop holding a massive black castle and within, an impossibly tall tower that reached up towards the converging mountain tops.


Quoting Noble Dust
Like smoke from a gunshot, only dense fog remained.


By the way…

Quoting Noble Dust
Machyrios


Coincidentally, this is a variant of the name I used in my story: Makarios.

While I’m here, there was something that seemed not quite right:

Quoting Noble Dust
This was surely the thing to finally mark me equal to James Cook himself.


As a man of science and representative of the Royal Society, Greystone would idolize Joseph Banks, scientist on Cook’s Endeavour voyage, rather than Cook himself. Not only was Banks a pioneering explorer-scientist, he was also later on the president of the Royal Society, and was generally higher in class and status than Cook, so more likely to appeal to Greystone.

It was confusing in the context of the conversation he was having with the captain, who would be the one to revere Cook.

Quoting Christoffer
What spawned the story was mainly a mix of the ceremony idea and the heavily researched Robert Egger's script and movie The Lighthouse. The lyrics of that 19th century style.


I saw that for the first time last year. Great film. Heavy Lovecraftian vibes!
Noble Dust January 03, 2025 at 07:08 #957830
Quoting Christoffer
Feels a bit bad to have given such harsh critique on your story when you liked mine, but I liked a lot of your story too, which might have been hard to spot through my rants. :monkey:


All good! We each bring our own approach to reading and commenting. I appreciated that you got so in depth on mine. I wasn't able to do the same on yours (or anyone's, sadly). I hope to re-read this at some point.
Christoffer January 03, 2025 at 12:42 #957853
Reply to Jamal

Thanks for that! It helped me polish it further. :cheer:

Quoting Jamal
The crew wiped their eyes as if sea salt had pulled a jest on their minds
— Noble Dust

Idiomatically, I think one pulls a joke or a prank, but one plays a jest.


In this case I actually think "jest" is correct as jest was used more broadly. Going back to how it was used in the plays of Shakespeare, interchangeable with "prank" and "joke". So I kept that in as it feels more akin to 19th century.

Quoting Jamal
By the way…

Machyrios
— Noble Dust

Coincidentally, this is a variant of the name I used in my story: Makarios.


I noticed that too :sweat: what the hell are the odds for such an odd name to turn up twice in this event?

I aimed for something that combined something old, like something from ancient Greek myth and "machine". Like in deus ex machina. Did a search on Makarios and only found some bishop in Cyprus, but the name comes from an old Greek name, Makários (????????) meaning "happy, fortunate, blessed". Was that meaning deliberate seen as Makarios felt very eager to do his job against the more tired Theophanes?

Quoting Jamal
This was surely the thing to finally mark me equal to James Cook himself.
— Noble Dust

As a man of science and representative of the Royal Society, Greystone would idolize Joseph Banks, scientist on Cook’s Endeavour voyage, rather than Cook himself. Not only was Banks a pioneering explorer-scientist, he was also later on the president of the Royal Society, and was generally higher in class and status than Cook, so more likely to appeal to Greystone.

It was confusing in the context of the conversation he was having with the captain, who would be the one to revere Cook.


Damn it, of course! That's correct. Makes much more sense and plays better into Greystone's arrogance and impatience. I always pictured Greystone to have come from a less revered status, always behind and never getting the "prize". Only ever being in the background of paintings, a caretaker of other's success and it's driven him partly mad in his ambitions. So Joseph Banks would have been much more appropriate, experiencing his earlier years in the society under him and wanting to show the others he can surpass even him.

Quoting Jamal
What spawned the story was mainly a mix of the ceremony idea and the heavily researched Robert Egger's script and movie The Lighthouse. The lyrics of that 19th century style.
— Christoffer

I saw that for the first time last year. Great film. Heavy Lovecraftian vibes!


I'm looking forward to his new one, the retelling of Nosferatu. He's a master of old language. The Witch was the first time I've heard the lyrics of 17th century English in that way. The Northman was a bit harder to get right being told in English, but he still had a slot of language structures in that film that reminded me of old Scandinavian, so even there he let history influence the dialogue.

This line and the ones in the beginning from the crew during the storm and drifting:

“Triton’s turned his back on us, can’t ye see?”


Was directly inspired by "Old"'s rants in "The Lighthouse". I figured that he, by his age, would have been a crewman on a ship around the time 1827. I even thought to myself that by the similarities of the alure of the light in that movie and the way he was, he'd seen shit before. So had the funny idea that one of the unnamed crewmen on Greystone's journey was in fact Old Tommy from that movie. :sweat:
Vera Mont January 03, 2025 at 15:20 #957872
Quoting Christoffer
They did? I only did the italicized dialogue out of letting the format be easier to read, but maybe this is true that older prose used italicized text like that?

Italics in a new paragraph, rather than quotation marks - they both serve the purpose: to differentiate narration from dialogue. A popular alternative was to precede speech by a dash. Quotation marks have been in use for centuries, but didn't become industry standard until the latter part of the 19th century, when British and American publishing flourished.

What I consider odd choice of words, as promised.
Quoting Noble Dust
his drunken chords
He's not singing, is he?
Quoting Noble Dust
It howled holes in our ship,
Howling doesn't break the ship, buffeting might.
Quoting Noble Dust
main mast had creaked its last strength
It has the same strength until it doesn't anymore and the mast is broken.
Quoting Noble Dust
Shading the sky stood a broken hollowed out mountain

Broken as by earthquake, or hollowed out as by man? Both? And how does it shade the sky, when light is coming from above?
That kind of thing. No major obstacle to reading, but it seems trying too hard to be flowery old-fashioned language and sort of niggles at the reader's consciousness. This readers - others may have been unaffected or even entertained by it.


Christoffer January 03, 2025 at 15:46 #957878
Quoting Vera Mont
Italics in a new paragraph, rather than quotation marks - they both serve the purpose: to differentiate narration from dialogue. A popular alternative was to precede speech by a dash. Quotation marks have been in use for centuries, but didn't become industry standard until the latter part of the 19th century, when British and American publishing flourished.


I believe many write with a dash today. I tried to get that to work with this, but even through paste bin I wasn't able to get it to work, so figured italics were a better choice. Another would have been to separate with new paragraphs, but I feel it spreads things out a bit too much. So odd that dash doesn't work online.

Quoting Vera Mont
his drunken chords
— Noble Dust
He's not singing, is he?


I was thinking he's referencing vocal cords, but see now that I misspelled that :sweat:
With that misspelling the entire line becomes something else hahahah :lol: singing in terror.

Quoting Vera Mont
It howled holes in our ship,
— Noble Dust
Howling doesn't break the ship, buffeting might.


I think I was looking for something that had a bit of poetic flow to it, howled holes felt more ominous as well as flowed nice. But maybe it doesn't work that well?

Quoting Vera Mont
main mast had creaked its last strength
— Noble Dust
It has the same strength until it doesn't anymore and the mast is broken.


But if they thought it had "creaked" for the last time before breaking? It doesn't break in that scene, they only think the end is nigh and then the storm settles instantly. But maybe it sounded confusing?

Quoting Vera Mont
Shading the sky stood a broken hollowed out mountain
— Noble Dust
Broken as by earthquake, or hollowed out as by man? Both? And how does it shade the sky, when light is coming from above?


It is unknown by what it has been hollowed out, maybe something otherworldly, maybe by technology, the machines themselves or people of the past, so I attempted to describe it as good as the crew and Greystone could muster. The mountain is hollowed out looking like a crown, a flower barely woken at dawn, turning its peaks inwards at the top and so huge that it blots the sky in front of them.

So maybe I just need to work that description better to describe the scenery if it confused more than described it?

Quoting Vera Mont
That kind of thing. No major obstacle to reading, but it seems trying too hard to be flowery old-fashioned language and sort of niggles at the reader's consciousness. This readers - others may have been unaffected or even entertained by it.


Yes, it's supposed to have some aesthetics of 19th century English, even if it becomes sort of a hybrid with modern English. Since its kind of a written journal of Greystone.

Though, not being a native English speaker it's a bit of a dumb idea to attempt really :sweat: Had to check up a lot of original texts from the era to get some inspiration for how it looked and it may have resulted in some oddities.

Thanks for the input! :cheer:
Vera Mont January 03, 2025 at 18:28 #957937
Quoting Christoffer
But if they thought it had "creaked" for the last time before breaking?

Then he should say so.
Quoting Christoffer
The mountain is hollowed out looking like a crown, a flower barely woken at dawn, turning its peaks inwards at the top and so huge that it blots the sky in front of them.

That's perfect! Combining two confusing sentences into one that makes sense and sounds good. Quoting Christoffer
Yes, it's supposed to have some aesthetics of 19th century English, even if it becomes sort of a hybrid with modern English. Since its kind of a written journal of Greystone.

I understand why, but you might want to tone it down a bit; their speech was not so drastically different from ours. All you need do, really, is avoid anachronism and adhere to a formal grammatical construction. The dramatic and colourful flourishes are great - just keep them believable.

hypericin January 03, 2025 at 21:19 #957989
Quoting Christoffer
What spawned the story was mainly a mix of the ceremony idea and the heavily researched Robert Egger's script and movie The Lighthouse. The lyrics of that 19th century style.


Oh, oh. I totally missed this. Though maybe the image flashed in my mind when the captain "ground his teeth and spat salt". What a great inspiration! I randomly saw this movie when staying in a mostly empty hotel by the sea, to a background of crashing waves. What a magical experience. The lyricism of some of Defoe's language was just stunning... especially *that* soliloquy!
Christoffer January 03, 2025 at 23:51 #958037
Quoting hypericin
I randomly saw this movie when staying in a mostly empty hotel by the sea, to a background of crashing waves. What a magical experience. The lyricism of some of Defoe's language was just stunning... especially *that* soliloquy!


Holy shit what a great atmosphere to see that movie for the first time. It’s a real gem for me. I have both the special edition blueray, the script itself and a limited edition of the music on vinyl… so I guess I’m a huge fan of Eggers :sweat:

I think it’s rare to see a film director and writer who’s so dedicated to research and the arts of film. After The Witch and then The Lighthouse I’m convinced we’re witnessing a great filmmaker in the making, someone who’s gonna be remembered in film history as a giant. With such blandness in arts today, it’s refreshing with films like his.
Jamal January 04, 2025 at 09:39 #958085
Quoting Christoffer
In this case I actually think "jest" is correct as jest was used more broadly. Going back to how it was used in the plays of Shakespeare, interchangeable with "prank" and "joke". So I kept that in as it feels more akin to 19th century.


Fair enough. I agree that "jest" is good; it's the "pull" that didn't look right to me.

Quoting Christoffer
I aimed for something that combined something old, like something from ancient Greek myth and "machine". Like in deus ex machina. Did a search on Makarios and only found some bishop in Cyprus, but the name comes from an old Greek name, Makários (????????) meaning "happy, fortunate, blessed". Was that meaning deliberate seen as Makarios felt very eager to do his job against the more tired Theophanes?


When I found out that Russian monks often took Greek names, I searched for names that had been used by Russian and other Orthodox monks: Theophanes and Makarios were two I liked. But no, there was no intended significance. But yeah: spooky coincidence!

Quoting Christoffer
This line and the ones in the beginning from the crew during the storm and drifting:

“Triton’s turned his back on us, can’t ye see?”


Was directly inspired by "Old"'s rants in "The Lighthouse".


I can definitely see that now :cool:
Amity January 13, 2025 at 14:16 #960344
Reply to Christoffer Thanks for the detailed and informative feedback to all. Appreciate the time and energy it takes. A worthwhile endeavour. :sparkle: